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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

I don’t know what to do :(

5 replies

Climbmountains911 · 09/09/2019 12:58

So I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago. I have two children already, one is six years old and my youngest is 6 months. It was a complete shock and due to contraception failing us.
Me and my partner don’t know what to do right now and we’re really struggling with a decision. He says he wants to keep it but whatever I decide to do he will be there for me. I want to keep it also (as it’s my child) but know aswell it’s not very realistic. We are stuck in a 2 bedroom flat on the top floor with no lift so we already have to drag the pram down. We have tried to move out together (as at the moment me and my partner have separate places we rent) and though ideally it would save us money, the benefit system doesn’t make that easy and I can’t work at the moment due to health reasons, I really hope to soon though.
We also could not afford another child as if your in the U.K. it’s a “two child limit” on tax credits though I know we’d still get child benefit?. My partner works full time and has 2 children with someone else he supports. (Blended family lol and that’s a whole other story 🙄)
I’ve told my doctor and referred myself to a service called BPAS and I’ve had a consultation. I asked for counselling and they can only provide over the telephone which I don’t feel comfortable about but hey. I also phoned Marie Stopes but they don’t provide counselling in my area which is frustrating. I only need someone to talk to about my situation so I can make the right choice.
I haven’t spoken to friends and family and whilst they have always been supportive I feel like their personal opinions wouldn’t help me at all and is not what I need right now.
I’ve been thinking about an open adoption but I don’t think anyone would support me with that.
I went through a termination when I was 17 due to sexual abuse and that really messed my mental health up and I’m scared the same thing could happen again.
I just really don’t know what to do right now and feel really alone.

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 09/09/2019 13:26

He says he wants to keep it

I want to keep it

There's your answer. You won't be stuck in a 2 bedroom flat forever. I know it feels hard but you can put the youngest in a sling/baby bjorn and just try your best.

I think you need to prioritise moving in together though OP. Where is your partner living? Is he in a flat too?

FirstTimeToddlerMum · 09/09/2019 13:36

Completely agree with above poster.

Another baby will become your new normal and you'll find a way to make it work.

That being said you shouldn't feel guilty for making any decisions you deem right for your family. Sorry you're going through this Thanks

Climbmountains911 · 09/09/2019 14:02

Yes my partners in his own flat but he stays at mine mostly.
It's just affording another baby I just don't want to struggle with money (which I know is superficial and selfish to say) and I don't know if I could cope with 3 kids.
Also my partner works full time (4 days full days) then the other two days he has his children on his own as the ex won't let me meet them, tho we have a child together that's 6 months, a whole other story.

OP posts:
kkl1 · 09/09/2019 14:11

Hey I was in the same boat but my 2 children are older I fell pregnant on the pill and was a big shock as a lot of problems with the baby's dad as we separated but I chose to keep the baby and in a 2 bedroom flat by my self with no support u will mange u will be fine as much as it's going to be hard but having a baby at any time will be u both won't to keep it an I think if u have abortion it will effect you massively as u both won't to keep it xx

currychip85 · 09/09/2019 18:24

With my boyfriend of 13 YRS. Already have 2 kids. Just found out that im pregnant again and he really wants me to have an abortion. Im not sure. Says if i keep it that he wont be at delivery and wont have nothing to do with baby. Says hes depressed and feels like hes going to have a nervous breakdown. Help

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