Pregnant unhappy expat

[Ellie4280]

We recently relocated as a family to Jamaica - myself, dh and dd aged 4. We had been living in Kuwait where I was happy, settled and was also working as a teaching assistant at my dd’s school.

My husbands job however didn’t work out and we had to make the choice to go home or look elsewhere. Then Jamaica came up.

We have now been here about 6 weeks, during which time I’ve found out I’m expecting. And I am deeply unhappy.

We have wanted another child for some time so I’m happy to be pregnant, however I’m struggling with living here and the loneliness of it all.

Culturally it’s very different, more so than I expected and I don’t feel there is the same sense of community we had before. I can’t walk anywhere, there’s little to do and I’m going stir crazy at home even though I feel too sick to do much anyway.

dh keeps talking like we will be here for years and I can’t see past the next 6 months. We need to stay for financial reasons so I feel trapped.

I’m also scared about having a baby here but going home causes issues as I’d have to fly back and dh wouldn’t necessarily be able to join me.

Don’t know what the answer is but would love to hear from anyone who has been-or is in a similar situation.

Hi @Ellie4280 I haven't been pregnant while an expat but I have been an expat and am now pregnant so can understand a bit how you must be feeling. Living abroad can certainly, while wonderful in many ways, be isolating at times especially if you've just moved somewhere.

In an ideal world, what would you like to do? Do your family and friends know that you are pregnant?

It is very early days for you in your new place so things could improve dramatically - have you looked around for expat groups etc that might be able to help you settle in/ meet people in the same boat?

And congratulations on your pregnancy! X

I’ve joined some expat mum groups and made a few friends which is helping but as I don’t have a young child to take to mums groups now she’s at school and the other mums I met work, I’ve been on my own most of the time.

I have enjoyed being an expat whilst in the Middle East, but there was a much stronger sense of ‘britishness’ I guess which made me feel more at home - I browse round M&S always made me feel better if I felt homesick! Plus it wasn’t as far to travel home.

Being on a Caribbean island that is still developing has meant home comforts like going shopping or popping or for coffee re much harder to do. Plus everything’s isn’t super expensive.

It’s not helpful I know but I keep reminiscing about where we were before as I miss our friends so much and also miss our home and family back in the UK. Being pregnant just seems to exacerbate this.

I think you have to be a lot clearer with your DH that you can't live there if you really can't. It doesn't sound like he realises how unhappy you are.

Any chance for a temporary / part time job? Or volunteering British council etc
Might make a difference.. Too much time on one's hands not always a good for mental health
Sounds like its still early days, you're still settling in and the situation will improve. Its a new place so it might not be helpful to compare to another place where you were settled already
All the best and congratulations

OP you are in a reallllly tough time - early pregnancy is hideous and being 6 weeks into a new country is also hideous. Of course you are feeling terrible. I feel for you.

Are there things you can do that will just help you get through the days for now. Anything to help you feel less isolated right now.

Have you made even one connection there who you could try to see a bit more of, to have someone to talk to?

Could you do an extended trip back to the U.K. to stay with family who can look after you for a bit?

Are there any prenatal yoga classes or similar you could sign up to over there, to give you some routine and a bit of a network?

Go easy on yourself. This is a really hard time 💛

Hi OP I grew up in the Caribbean and it was a complete culture shock. My freedom I had and was used to no longer applied. I mucked in and got to know people and their culture. It was fab, but it took a couple of years. I couldn't get make up for me or anything like that, but I'd trade London in right now to go back! Good luck.

There is literally nothing I would like more than to live somewhere new, outside of the UK. I guess we're all different, I would give everything to move somewhere new and experience new things and have new adventures. Try and think of it as an adventure, you have one go at life, that's it, one go round. Make the most of it while you can xxx

Dear OP,

I am an expat too and I understand what you're feeling. A new place and new pregnancy are two big juggles to manage at once. A few of the previous responses above have offered good advice or outlooks.

If you're daughter has just begun school - is she attending an international school? If so, surely you can get involved in some of the PTA activities or meet and involve yourself with other parents via your daughter's classmates? Int'l schools often host coffee mornings for mums & dads after drop off or some such events which might at least get you out of the house.

Give yourself some time. As a precious poster stated, it's early days and surely you know this from your previous experience in the ME. Jamaica can be incredibly expensive but once you meet friends you can invite people over for brunch and such. Maybe offer to volunteer at your daughter's school? If not her school, check out any nearby int'l schools? Are you near Kingston? If so, it's rather large by the island standards and there will be a significant number of expats due to the Embassies there. If not, give your time to do some proper research about what's out there and focus on settling in your daughter, preparing your house and your new pregnancy. Maybe watch some inspiring movies ... cooking shows, etc. If you like photography, that's a lovely hobby which can lead you down future pathways to involve you with other people.

Stay positive (I know it's not easy), but be gentle and patient with yourself and try to utilise your daughter and her situation (school friends & parents) as best as you can to gain access to others.

Post back when you're ready.
xx