Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

Help urgent paternity advice needed

18 replies

Janejones87 · 07/09/2019 21:00

Please everyone be patient with me. This is a difficult situation and I’m utterly lost. I sorely need advice regarding my babies paternity.
Im expecting a baby girl on the 10th dec.
I have been with my boyfriend a year and have had unprotected sex with him throughout this year. On the 16th of feb I had unprotected sex with a stranger whilst drunk. I wasn’t sure what was happening, it wasn’t all consensual and when I came round I made him stop and I left feeling violated. He was inside me for maybe 1 minute tops if I remember and 100% didn’t cum.
My first scan said I was 13weeks pregnant and everything looked perfect. Same on my 20week scan everything measured up perfect.
Could the sonographer person be wrong? Could I have actually been 17weeks not 13weeks?
My periods are irregular and can’t be counted on. I’m just wondering how accurate the sonograms are and if it could be 4 weeks out? Could there be a chance this isn’t my boyfriends baby girl.
Kind and helpful advice only please.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Nov19 · 07/09/2019 21:08

I’m due 2nd November and know I conceived around 8/9th February (roughly). Assuming you had an average cycle then I would say this baby is your boyfriends as you would have an earlier due date if you conceived around 16th feb.

If a scan shows 13 weeks there’s no way it would be out by a whole month.

I hope your ok after what has happened to you and i hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy ❤️

TildaTurnip · 07/09/2019 21:09

It won’t be out by that many weeks. Sorry you’ve had a terrible experience

Em39ma · 07/09/2019 21:13

Ultrasound can be a few days to a week out, but I very seriously doubt they can be out by 4 weeks.
Going through what you have, must make you think and rethink. But I would say, it is definitely your partners baby.
Have you had so counselling? I think you might feel better for it.

squee123 · 07/09/2019 21:15

dating scans are pretty accurate. A few days out isn't unheard of, but there is now way on earth it would be 4 weeks out

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 21:20

The 20 week scan is pretty accurate, they would defo notice 4 weeks out as the baby grows rapidly thereafter.

Plus have you felt kicking yet? That is reliably felt by 22 weeks and there is no way by 26 weeks you wouldn't feel it

Sleepyquest · 07/09/2019 21:21

I conceived around the 16th Feb and my due date is 13th November. There is no way they would be 4 weeks out!! They changed my date by 2 days based on measurements vs my period cycle so they are pretty accurate!!

Sorry to hear what you went through

TildaTurnip · 07/09/2019 21:24

Plus have you felt kicking yet? That is reliably felt by 22 weeks and there is no way by 26 weeks you wouldn't feel it

Not true for us who had anterior placentas positioned in such a way that all movements were masked.

DramaAlpaca · 07/09/2019 21:25

It won't be four weeks out. There's a big difference in size from 13 weeks to 17 weeks & the sonographers know what they are looking at.

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 21:27

Ok, except @TildaTurnip, but if like most you are being kicked my point applies

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2019 21:29

OP, are you saying you were raped or that you ended up having sex with some random man but realised half way through that you didn't want to continue? You say you were unconscious and yet say that he was only inside you for a minute. Either way, it's a big mess. I'm assuming you've not told your dp about this? From your dates, I'd think it's almost impossible that the baby is the strangers.

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 21:30

She clearly said she was raped and what bloody difference does this make

Casander · 07/09/2019 21:41

Hi OP, as other people have said your scan could possibly be a few days out, but I the difference between a 12 week baby and a 17 week one is massive, I had a scan at 12 weeks and at 16 and they are noticeably different. I would imagine a difference in dates that large would have been picked up.

I'm due 19th Nov and we conceived around 28th Feb, I have added photos of my scans for you at those two dates. The first is 12, the second 16.

TildaTurnip · 07/09/2019 21:42

Ok, except @TildaTurnip, but if like most you are being kicked my point applies

Not wishing to derail (but equally not wanting the OP to add to her worries if it applies to her), you are still kicked with an anterior placenta but you may have to wait a much longer time to feel them and for some you may not ever feel actual kicks but shifting position movements when they’re much bigger.

Original poster

Janejones87 · 07/09/2019 21:45

I honestly can’t thank you ladies enough for your advice and kind comments. I am so grateful.
You have all put my worries to rest. I want nothing more now then to continue this pregnancy on a happier path full of excitement rather than worry. Thank you all so much. J

OP posts:

Original poster

Janejones87 · 07/09/2019 21:49

Such a noticeable difference. Thank you so much.

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2019 22:40

@chickenyhead
No, she didn't. She said some of it wasn't consensual, which means some of it was.
It makes not one jot of difference to this situation as clearly the father is her dp. What it may make a difference to however is her mental health. There's a huge difference between how someone may cope with rape as opposed to getting in a situation of having sex with a stranger, and how you deal with it may differ.
Op, if it was indeed rape, then I hope you're able to speak to a professional about this rather than just trying to deal with it by yourself.

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 22:45

She said...

I wasn’t sure what was happening, it wasn’t all consensual and when I came round I made him stop and I left feeling violated. He was inside me for maybe 1 minute tops

She was out of it drunk and came to with him inside her ffs. Nothing indicates your scenario of...

ended up having sex with some random man but realised half way through that you didn't want to continue?

I am really sure that she is grateful to you for bringing this up rather than focusing on the question that she actually asked

Well done you

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2019 22:59

So you don't think that the fact she may have been raped is important? I certainly do. Far too many women feel unable to report rape. We've already ascertained the paternity isn't an issue. But her wellbeing is.

Flip