"Are you sure you want to order that?"

[ELM8]

Nearly 7 months pregnant, out for dinner with DH last night.

Really nice, chatty waitress. Go to order food and I order prawn skewers starter (cooked, obviously).

Waitress: "Oh I noticed you're pregnant, are you sure you want to order that?"

Me: "I assume they are cooked? They should be fine if so?"

Waitress: "Yes, maybe they will be fine then"

Me: ...

Waitress: "My sister is pregnant and she's just following all the rules so no fish for her.. do you still want to order them?"

I did.. and then went to the toilet and double checked the NHS website and it seems like prawns are fine.. am I missing something?!?!

Perhaps she was trying to help but she really went about it badly. For a less assertive person it could have made you feel really guilty - I have friends with anxiety during pregnancy and being told that by waitress would make they really concerned about the times they had eaten prawns before in case she was right.
Prawns aren't on any list of foods you can't have but, even if they were, it is a guideline to follow and not a guarantee that the minute a piece of brie touches your lips you will spontaneously combust.

On a related note I really think the NHS should give out leaflet at the booking appointment regarding foods you should try to avoid and food that you might think are included but I actually are fine. There must be hundreds of women out there who don't check the guidelines and spend their whole pregnancy unnecessarily avoiding a food they enjoy, or who accidentally eat loads of a food they should be avoiding.

She was overstepping the mark and wasn’t even well informed. Fuming on the behalf of all the pregnant women on here who have been patronised and treated like idiots who don't know what’s good for them.

The waitress wasnt being helpful though was she?

She was giving unsolicited advice which was completely wrong!

Where are the guidlnes that say women.shouldn't eat any fish when pregnant?

If she is giving out advice based on a relatives ignorance then she should be retrained or get her facts right first.
Would she have asked a overweight man if he knew how many calories were in his pudding? I doubt it. So why are women fair game to tell what they should and shouldn't eat?

Op you should have told her she is wrong and stop foisting her unsubstantiated advice on pregnant women.
I would have had to say something to the manager too. Giving out wrong advice could have sent some woman who was particularly anxious or a first time mum into a tail spin thinking they had potentially harmed their baby eating prawns 2 days ago.

(Plus it's none of her damm business what a paying customer eats)

If she is giving out advice based on a relatives ignorance then she should be retrained

No way any restaurant would train a member of staff to give out unsolicited advice to pregnant women about what to eat.

I am pregnant Aderyn, and I have experienced this kind of thing, and it is extremely intrusive. Almost all pregnant women do know what they are and aren't supposed to eat - if anything they are overzealous and this kind of thing could as PPs said really set off anxiety. You may have been fine with it, but a large majority of women are saying they find this kind of thing really offensive and upsetting so perhaps stop dismissing them?

I also think you are overreacting to some language of annoyance on here, a web forum, to interpret that we are talking about giving this woman a "bollocking". She was wrong, she also did persist according to OP, it wasn't just a "you sure you want prawns? Ok fine". That is really inappropriate. And I personally don't think there would have been anything wrong with quietly saying to her or her manager or on a review that presumably would also say nice things "hey, just FYI, best to let pregnant women manage their own ordering as it can be a bit upsetting". That's hardly unreasonable.

Pregnancy does not mean 'giving up normal every day foods'. That assumes we are required to give these foods up completely which is not the case. Pregnancy actually means that some of the foods we might want to eat may pose a slightly or significantly increased health risk, either to mum or baby or both. It is up to the mother to understand that, weigh up that risk, and make a decision about what she chooses to eat on the basis of the evidence available. The NHS guidelines are excellent, but they are guidelines only, and it is not for anyone to police adherence to those guidelines. Mothers to be making informed decisions about what they choose to eat should have those decisions respected. It may seem like an over reaction from some people to get so frustrated about this, but frankly what this waitress, and the barista, and the SIL with the prawns and all these other interfering people are doing is saying that pregnant women cant be trusted to make the right choices for them. Which is infantilising and belittling and frankly terrifying given that these pregnant women are shortly going to be entrusted with the care of a newborn child. We cant be trusted to feed ourselves, but can be trusted with the life of a tiny human being? Ridiculous.

Ps I would be livid if a barista took it upon themselves to make my one coffee of the day decaffeinated. That story really made me irrationally angry!

But that's not what people are saying here though. She's been called a cow bag, posters have suggested the OP tells the waitress she isn't Pg in order to embarrass her etc. That's disproportionate given that the waitress meant no harm.

I don't think I have been dismissive - I agree that someone refusing to serve you or deciding for you how you want your coffee or eggs is extremely annoying and should be challenged. But that is different to what happened here. I'd be very surprised if someone's anxiety was set off by a waitress asking if they are sure they want to order prawn skewers. If it is, then I think that person needs medical help more than they need a less chatty waitress!

I'm a bit at the notion I shouldn't judge posters on the words they actually use - that's literally the only thing you've got on a chat site! Still, I am spending far too much time on this and obviously people will continue to think what they did at the start of this thread (me included ) so I'm going to bow out now.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy OP

No way any restaurant would train a member of staff to give out unsolicited advice to pregnant women about what to eat.
Obviously I meant retrained in not giving out unsolicited wrong advice to customers.😀

I did, first time around. I'd have been grateful if a waitress reminded me. And I don't see it as outside the remit of the job, just to clarify that the customer is certain

Not if it's shit advice you wouldn't be. It's not within their remit to tell any customer they shouldn't eat something on.thier say so.

So after my emcs my twins were in nicu. About four days after the surgery, DH and I went home and had no food in so decided to walk up the road to a bar that does pizza.

I hadn’t had a drink for nearly 9 months and I ordered a mojito. The waitress refused to serve it to me because she thought I was still pregnant. I was mortified. I had to explain that I wasn’t pregnant any more and then she asked with horror where I’d left my newborn so I could “go drinking”.

I’m not a complainy person but her boss got an earful 😂

Doesn’t matter whether it was well intentioned or not. The waitress was wrong and out of order. She wasn’t being helpful, she was being judgey.

Why do people feel the need to give unsolicited advice or opinions to pregnant women or women with young babies / children. They can all fuck off. And no aderyn19 that isn’t an over reaction. It’s completely justified.

it wasn't just a "you sure you want prawns?
Even that would have been inappropriate, I don't think most pregnant women need to be reminded they're pregnant.
'Prawns..sure..yes...why...OMG AAAARGHH IM PREGNANT!?!?'

I live in China and am 33 weeks pregnant. The belief here is that cold foods and particularly cold drinks are bad for the baby. It's varied between 24 and 34 degrees here for the last three months and I'm afraid that all the waiters and waitresses who have reacted with doubt, disapproval or horror to my requests for iced drinks have received short shrift!