confused about what to do re babies father. Sorry long post x

[Starlight84]

So some may remember a while ago me saying about my unborn child’s dad completely reacting to my pregnancy in the wrong way. He was scared so dealt with it so badly. He told me he didn’t want anything to do with us and at one point suggested the baby wasn’t his.
I’ve been keeping him in the loop with appointments after I’ve attended them etc. Since my 20 week scan I have been messaging him again on a friendly level and I agreed to meet him for a coffee which I did on Tuesday. I hadn’t seen him since 10 weeks pregnant and I am currently 22+1.

I basically heard him out why he did what he did and said what he said and he deeply regrets being a complete a hole (he used other words as well I won’t repeat!). I guess I just wanted to hear it in person and see for myself it’s genuine. Anyone can say what they like in a text. I truly do believe him when he says he is.

The problem is in all that happened at the start and me doing this alone my friends who have been supporting me absolutely hate him for what he’s done. I have said I have by no means forgiven him and I won’t forget very easily either.

I know he’s been awful for what he did but I have to think about our unborn child and myself. I grew up with separate parents and lived with my dad. I split with my girls dad when the youngest was 4 months old. She’s now 11. I really didn’t want my children growing up in a split family despite it being for the best. But my baby's dad isn’t a bad person. He just went about things in a really really crap way which he will have to live with forever now.

I just worry what people will say if they know I’m back on talking terms with him. Has anyone ever given a second chance to their ex before if the relationship broke down due to pregnancy shock??

Sorry it’s a long post xx

You dont have to get back with him straight away take it slow. See if hes serious. It's good to be on talking terms with your ex for babies sake.

@NotSoThinLizzy thank you for replying. I have said to him and my friend by me messaging him or meeting him means that I am not getting back with him. I have said it will take time to get back how we were and he accepts that or he forgets it. I’ve told him he needs to be patient as I also have my girls to consider as well.

I would love nothing more that to be with my child’s father as I’ve never had two parents and my girls haven’t.

I know friends will have my best interests at heart but I know they won’t see my side and be negative. It’s so hard when you love someone and you can genuinely see they want to make amends xx

I get that. Hopefully if you can move past what he did to you that yous can have the ending you want. Itll all take time. Friends will see if hes making an effort

I think if he is patient and doesn’t rush things and just makes the effort it will all come good.

Bottom line is he may have said some awful things early on but he’s a good dad (has his own children already) and absolutely no reason for me to not have him in the baby’s life so they will have to accept he will be around, whether as it’s just our sons daddy or us as a couple/family eventually. Xx

Come on. You can be on decent terms and coparent very well but you don't need to get back together. Aim for decent coparenting - it's the best you can hope for.

@CodenameVillanelle I do understand this. But I love him very much as was gutted when all what happened happened. I know I don’t have to get back with him but I can’t just switch my feelings off like some friends suggest I should be able to do. X

OP, it sounds like things got tough and he pissed off. He is not a keeper. You cannot rely on him not to do this again the minute things get tough again. And they will. What happens when the baby is newborn and you are exhausted and snappy with no sleep and the baby cries a lot. Will he be there for you, or piss off again because it's all got too hard?
He should be allowed to be a father to his child, but don't be confused into thinking he will make a good partner. The family unit you are trying to create will break up at some point, and it's better that it causes the least heartache to all involved, including your DC (all of them).
Sorry to be brutal. Listen to your friends. They have your best interests at heart without the little family fantasy clouding their judgement.

I do completely see what you are all saying. I certainly won’t be jumping to get back with him and he knows this. He won’t be coming into my c section either but I am happy for him to come to the hospital so he can see us when he’s been born. Xx