Expecting better & alcohol reassurance

[aimee1001]

I have been reading the other recent thread about drinking in pregnancy and now I am feeling really anxious.

Based on the info I read in the Expecting Better book saying it was ok, I have been having between 1-3 small glasses of wine per week most of the way through my pregnancy, mostly with food.

I'm 32 weeks now. All my scans have looked ok and baby is a fine size but after reading some of the responses on the other thread I am really panicking that I have damaged my baby's brain. And that even this amount could have caused FAS.

I am going to stop drinking altogether from now on so PLEASE no one post telling me I am an awful person and I shouldn't have done it etc. I can't turn back the clock. I also know nobody can tell me for sure my baby will be ok.

I just feel so wretched. It's too late for me to have a termination obviously. I was hoping for some stories of people in similar situations whose babies have been ok.

OP I second what some of the posters are saying- ignore this thread. It's going to drive you crazy. There is really absolutely nothing that you can do now, except not drink any more if you feel worried, I believe you're already doing that.

I personally think your baby is absolutely fine !

Try to give yourself peace of mind, as worrying about this is just going to make you feel worse.

I'm a terrible worrier and when I get something stuck in my head, I usually can't stop.

But I really try with this pregnancy thing to tell myself that no matter how much I worry, the outcome won't change and I won't enjoy the journey if I'm constantly worried about one thing of the other.

It's really easy to say that and it's rational, but the next time you feel overwhelmed with worry, try to distance yourself from your thoughts- they're just being driven by anxiety and aren't reality. They also won't make you feel better. On the contrary, the more you pay attention to the thoughts, the more they will spiral and you'll feel worse.

Good luck to you and I really think your baby is absolutely fine !

Yes, I'm sure your baby will be absolutely fine so I wouldn't worry at all in your situation. Good luck for when the time comes!

OP please don't read this post...

this is exactly why the NHS guidelines say no alcohol, firstly, they can not test the amount of alcohol that will cause FAS, and they are finding that the amount can vary widely, so no alcohol is the only safe amount.

secondly, some women will go over the limits, i think 1-3 glasses a week is way too much (i of course hope the OP's baby will be fine) but she sounds like a loving caring person, who may have pushed her luck, without realising, which is why i think it is so dangerous for loads of you on mumsnet to keep saying that occasional drinks are fine, please be more responsible, none (or at least very few) of you are doctors.

please, everyone, the NHS guidelines are there for a reason, stick to them.

Thanks, those are much better (seriously that other paper was terrible).

I'm not saying she's a charlatan, just would like some better links so thank you!

When I had my babies, the advice was no more than 3 or 4 a week. As other people said, years ago it was more than that. Then it changed to zero.

Obviously it's safer not to drink at all. But really, what is to be gained from telling a woman who is 32 weeks' pregnant how terrible she is? Nothing, other than giving the poster a sense of moral superiority.

There is a huge enthusiasm on MN for judging other women for being lesser parents and its really distasteful. That's my objection really

I had my baby 3 years ago. NHS advice was no more than 1-2 units per week.
I had a glass of wine most weeks in the second and third trimester- a few weeks in the third trimester I had two glasses.

I drank and breastfed.

I also ate sushi at least once a week- and I know what I worried about more...

Relax. Please.

This is from BPAS:

www.bpas.org/get-involved/campaigns/briefings/alcohol-in-pregnancy/

6) What is the effect of official advice on abstention from drinking in pregnancy?

Those who advocate telling pregnant woman to abstain from alcohol completely seem to assume that such advice is benign. The idea is that if a woman doesn't drink, her baby may not have problems; and if her baby does not have problems, she will know that her drinking is not to blame – so why not just stop drinking?

This view distorts both the personal and the policy consequences of policing pregnant women's drinking behaviour. As noted above, those women who would otherwise enjoy the odd glass of wine but follow the 'complete abstention' advice in pre-conception and pregnancy are deprived of an enjoyable, relaxing and sociable activity for over nine months of their pregnancy, without an evidence base.

Meanwhile those women who will have been drinking alcohol before realising they were pregnant, or decided to 'choose to drink' their one or two units a week, are incited to feel guilty and anxious, particularly if their baby develops some problems.

All the paediatric specialists in the land might rightly reassure women who have babies with anomalies that the causes of most anomalies are complex, and have developed throughout history in women who have never touched alcohol; but so overwrought is the culture surrounding pregnancy today that women will nonetheless worry that that one glass of champagne at their sister's wedding caused the problem.

The pressure upon women to abstain from alcohol during pregnancy is not merely cultural. At an official level, it is becoming taken as an article of faith that drinking is a marker of, or even form of, abuse of the 'unborn child'. While the UK has stopped short of criminalising drinking in pregnancy, this wider cultural presumption has some chilling consequences for women's reproductive rights. Women are presumed not to understand the difference between social drinking and chronic alcoholism. They are also treated as incubators, who have a moral responsibility to eschew their pleasures – whatever the evidence says – for the sake of creating the optimal womb environment for the baby within.

I didn't really drink in my first pregnancy except one night on holiday I ended up drinking some (quite strong) rum punch, and was a bit drunk!

Second pregnancy didn't get drunk but had a few glasses of cider.

Kids are fine, bright and thriving.

This is the reason that I have not drunk in any of my pregnancies, because although it's unlikely to cause any harm I think hormones and contradicting opinions will always have you doubting yourself. What I will say is that during my first pregnancy I unfortunately learned that there are many unavoidable things out there that can affect a pregnancy, even if you follow all the rules and precautions, yet we still go out everyday without hesitation. What will be will be now so just try to enjoy the final weeks.

I find it interesting how potential harm from alcohol use in pregnancy is played up while potential harm from the use of household cleaning products in pregnancy is played down.

I haven't read anything to suggest that the harm from cleaning products is anything more than minimal but there's more evidence for it than there is for harm caused by occasional drinking.

I find those priorities interesting.

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/will-cleaning-hurt-your-baby/

Thank you everyone who has been so kind and thoughtful 😥 it really does help to hear your stories. I am trying not to worry. You're right about the anxiety it just takes hold doesn't it and then you can't stop.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy OP

I was a teacher in a very deprived area for a long time. Parents who openly smoked when pregnant, smoked at the school gates over the heads of their toddlers in buggies etc. There’s no way some of those mums weren’t drinking during pregnancy and yet in all of my years there I only ever taught one girl with FAS, and her mother was a literal alcoholic who was drinking upwards of two bottles of Vodka A DAY. I know that’s just an anecdote but FAS is rare and your baby will be fine. I also had a boyfriend back in the day who’s mother was also an alcoholic. She talked very openly about how she drank a shoulder of scotch a day and smoked 60 woodbines during her pregnancy with him.... and he was one of the cleverest people I’ve ever met!

Your baby will be okay. Mute this thread and put it out of your mind.

I read a lot, and decided I was comfortable drinking 1-2 units once or twice a week for most of my pregnancy. Baby is now happy and healthy 9 month old. I'm sure you'll be fine, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!