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Original poster

Boy name already taken...

31 replies

Apple35 · 04/09/2019 17:59

Well i am 11 weeks pregnant and our friends had their baby a short while ago. They named their son after a friend who died tragically years ago. My husband had always wanted to name a son after him too even before we met and even well before this couple met!
They named their son Matthew Jacob and we wanted the name Matthew James. Would u guys still use it? I spoke to hubby and he still wants to. Would hate for him to be disappointed if we had a boy and not use it but feel it is already taken. Plus the middle names even seem similar!
Any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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underthebridgedowntown · 04/09/2019 18:10

I think use it anyway - it would only be strange if the middle name was the same too. I think it's a lovely tribute - must have been a special friend for you both to want to use the name

flowery · 04/09/2019 18:12

How nearby are they, how often do you see them? Will the children be at the same school or anything like that?

Wolfiefan · 04/09/2019 18:12

I wouldn’t if they were a really close friend who you saw all the time.

Tweefutom · 04/09/2019 18:14

I think it will be fine in those circumstances- they both want to remember their friend.

LifeIsGoodish · 04/09/2019 18:16

Jacob Matthew?

SoupDragon · 04/09/2019 18:16

DS1 has a particular middle name for similar reasons. If you feel odd using it can you use it as a middle name instead?

I don't think it matters, especially given the reason. If you think the middle names are also too similar, can you add another to break them up?

Talk about the alternatives and then see how you both feel about thename.

BaronessBomburst · 04/09/2019 18:17

I'd use it. Friendships change all the time, but your son's name will be his for life.

caffeinebuzz · 04/09/2019 18:20

If you are very close, and expect the children will be spending a lot of time together growing up, then I'd switch it to James Matthew. Otherwise, crack on.

diddlediddle · 04/09/2019 18:22

Do you see these friends? If not I would be more likely to go ahead, if you see them loads maybe have a think.

In fact, Matthew could be a great middle name - often middle names are used to honour someone - it can feel a bit "heavy" for a child to have the same first name as someone who has died. Maybe using James as your child's first name could give him the opportunity to have his own identity whilst also feeling proud to represent your friend.

MrsDimmond · 04/09/2019 18:25

I would use Matthew as a midfle name.

I personally don't like using first names directly to remember someone else. I think a first name should be specific to the new baby. I dont mean the name has to be unique, far from it!

Obviously both these men were very fond of Matthew and were affected by his death.

But I think your son deserves his own name and Matthew can be honoured through his middle name.

talljelly · 04/09/2019 18:29

All my life my favourite boys names were Matthew and James and I always thought I would name my child one of those.
I then met my husband who's name is Matthew James!! Therefore, wanting something 'individual' I won't be using either of the names. I think it's lovely to name after family members but just not for me. I say use the names, they're great! 😃

Angelinthenightx · 04/09/2019 20:11

I would use it,its your child & seems u both wouldnt be happy not using it,talk to your friends im sure they would be fine with it,i wouldnt mind it if you were my friends.

ButterPie1 · 04/09/2019 20:37

Had a friend who had a similar issue when another friend who was due weeks after said 'you can't use xxxx if you have a girl!'

I think my advice was sound then and still is now... 'if there was room for 2 Mels in the Spice Girls then I think you'll all be ok'

You can have Big Matthew and Little Matthew, Matt and Matty, Matt X and Matt Y.... It can work!

If your friend's don't like it, it says more about them than you xxxx

Original poster

Apple35 · 04/09/2019 21:26

We are not close friends. We got an evening inviteto their wedding! We are both good friend's with the guy who's brother died. They wouldn't see them too often. Xx

OP posts:

sheshootssheimplores · 04/09/2019 21:28

Could you not talk to them about it?

Everafter1 · 04/09/2019 21:39

Naming is hard. I'd use it as a middle name if someone else has only just names their child after the friend & are in the same friendship group. It's not taking away from the memory of the friend. Will keep the memory plus give your baby his own identity.

They could feel their toes are stepped on a bit with you being friends. Did they find out the babys sex at a scan? They might have settled on that name for a while when they knew what they were having.

Could be a girl & that'll take away the worry

sleepylittlebunnies · 04/09/2019 22:48

I would still use the name if my heart was set on it. It’s not an unusual name that it might seem that you copied. Since my uncle died there are 3 children named after him, 2 the name and one a female version. It’s fine to each remember Matthew.

If he was ever known as Matt you could choose Matilda for a girl and call her Matty.

Original poster

Apple35 · 04/09/2019 22:54

We are choosing Matilda for a girl for that very reason plus love the name! We are thinking of maybe just going with James Matthew but still wish we could use our original choice but just feels awkward!

OP posts:

crustycrab · 04/09/2019 22:58

Just do it. You could tell them next time you see them, it's hardly unusual

BizzzzyBee · 05/09/2019 01:24

This may come as a surprise but there’s no quota for how many people are allowed to have the same name. A name isn’t “taken” because one person has it. You call your child what YOU want and fuck anyone else.

DramaAlpaca · 05/09/2019 01:29

Use the name you love. You won't necessarily be friends forever. No need to feel awkward at all.

chickenyhead · 05/09/2019 01:29

I would use it. Especially as you aren't that close.

I knew name of DS from date of 20w scan and spoke to him in that name thereafter. SIL was pregnant at the same time and wasnt even considering that name. She gave birth a week before me and used the name. So did I. See what feels right when you look at DS.

Expressedways · 05/09/2019 01:35

Given you’re not even close friends and it’s a classic name that’s fairly popular, I think you’d mad not to use it if it’s your top pick and has meaning for you.

RushianDisney · 05/09/2019 01:45

Matthew is a really common name anyway, and as they aren't close friends just use the name you wanted.

1forAll74 · 05/09/2019 02:21

I would really go along with Matthew James, you both like the names,and that is all that matters. It will drive you mad if you take any notice of what others think about names.

I just had this very silly thought, as in, if nobody ever discussed a baby name,say boys names for instance, then all the boys in a class at school,had exactly the same first and middle names, what fun that would be for everyone !!

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