Pregnant, but not ready to have a child for a few years :?

[NeonPalmTree]

I've not long found out I'm pregnant (I must be 4-5 weeks along) and I'm strongly considering a termination because I'm not financially or emotionally ready yet. I'm with a loving partner who says he'll support my decision either way, but he also agrees that he'd find it difficult to support a child at this time. Even so, I know my decision to abort will be hard on us both and I'm scared.

The thing is, I'm 30 years old, and I always wanted to have a child before the age of 35. But I just don't feel ready right now. Ideally, I wanted to get my career back on track for a couple of years, buy a house with my boyfriend, and then start thinking about kids.

But I guess I'm feeling guilty about having this abortion, only to try for another child in a couple of years time. Especially since I've started to hear my clock is ticking and it's making me feel like I won't get another chance. Even though I'm not religious or pro-life, there's a part of me that thinks I'm killing this kid in favour of having another kid a bit later.

But I really can't support a baby at this time. My current job is paying me peanuts and I'm on a zero hour contract so they keep cutting down my hours. I'm living in shared accommodation and I can barely support myself! My partner has 6 months left of his training until he becomes a lawyer and he doesn't need to deal with this stress either.

I guess I'm looking for validation.

I've not had a termination myself so can't comment from that perspective but I do think you need to make the decision for you. I would urge you though to speak to someone who has been through it (or a helpline or someone through your gp) as it is a very emotional thing and I think the main thing is if that is the decision you go with making sure you are prepared for what it involves physically and emotionally, talk it through with your partner, the risks of having it and make sure you won't regret whichever decision you make.
Always here to talk although no personal experience of this 💕

If you're not ready, then you're not ready. I had a termination for that very reason and I still don't regret it. I went on to have another child 5 years later.

I would also get this moved to Pregnancy Choices where you may get more help and support. X

Hi OP.

Firstly, sending you a virtual hug.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. I would advise speaking to BPAS or an organisation similar, who may be able to offer you counselling etc.

I'm not here to tell you what you should do - only you can make that decision.

What I will say though, is that there is never a perfect time to have a baby. Life finds a way and you do just manage... somehow!

I hope you are able to come to the best decision for your situation and please, go easy on yourself.

xxx

If you can’t afford to raise a baby you can’t afford to raise a baby. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. If anything I think most people would say it’s the kinder decision to not bring a child into the world you can’t adequately support. But either way it’s down to you.

I was basically in your position a few years ago. We were trying to buy a house, I was on a much lower wage and we had a lot of other stressful situations in our family. So I had a termination and 2 years later, we had a baby. Alot can happen in that time. We've got our house, I had a pay rise, we saved up and paid off debts. We were much more ready to bring up a baby. At the time, a termination was the right thing for us. Do not feel guilt for doing what is right for you at this moment in time.