What stuff at grandparents?

[OutOfIdeasMum]

I could use some input on this.

We told DH's parents that we are expecting recently. First grandchild all very happy. They asked if they can get anything for the baby and I am not quite sure what to suggest.

We have everything after a local shop closed down and we took advantage of the discounts. I have had a really easy pregnancy thus far, too, so I have had a chance to read up on safety tests for car seats etc and if it isn't here yet, it is ordered.

We are moving closer to them (30min drive away after move) and I thought maybe a Moses basket at their place could be handy? That is the only thing I could think of but to be honest, I am sort of expecting to have DD glued to me 24/7 for the first few months. I wouldn't want them to get it and then not use it. High chair for later maybe?

Any suggestions?

Quick background: PIL have the classic narc + enabler combo going on. They usually control themselves around me but big life events tend to trigger MIL and I can see us going NC for a little bit if she goes nuts.

I've just thanked people for offers and said we'll let them know as and when we can think of something which would be useful - if you've already got the main bits, and like you say you're not sure what you'd use at theirs, maybe just hang fire until after the baby is born. No point getting stuff now which may not be used.

Imo do not give them ideas they will have dc unsupervised....
Especially given your description of them...

Are they wanting to buy something big? If not could you maybe point them to a outfit that you want for baby to bring them home from hospital in?

Thanks, @TartanCurtains1!

That is what I have said thus far, with limited success, but glad to hear I am not the only one who doesn't like the idea of getting something that might not be used.

MIL just had a changing mat, bouncy chair and playmat (all donated from her friend). DS1 only ever used the changing mat. Ds2 loved the chair and in fact loved the playmat so much we took it back to ours

We had an ikea high chair that easily dismantles so we took that with us each time. In hindsight ir would have been useful to have one there but not for the first few months.

At my parents house, as a baby, we had a playmat, a few toys & books, a bouncy chair (although only because we got bought two), a cheap changing mat & a cot. During the day, she would usually just sleep in arms or her favourite place was actually the changing mat! But from about 8 weeks, my parents did some overnight babysitting on occasion while we just collapsed & slept!

The playmat was probably the best bit, annoying to cart around from your house to theirs and something babies love from quite small! And a few special grandparent toys never goes amiss! And the cot has obviously been invaluable to sounds like possibly you may not be leaving your baby there..?

Now she’s older, they still have the cot, loadsa toys & books, kid friendly knives, forks, plates, cups, a high chair, potty’s, clothes, PJs, toothbrush, bath toys..

Are they wanting to get something for you or something to keep at theirs? If for you, think beyond the early months and ask for a travel cot maybe?

@Windydaysuponus We have been very clear on that and since they just want to play grandparents of the year without any real work, they are totally okay with that (paraphrasing, of course). But you are right, it is worth emphasing and repeating.

@allabouteve1 Yes, it "has to be something bigger", see grandparent of the year comment. We'll get clothes anyway I am sure, which I appreciate in concept (in practice PIL don't know the baby's sex because we would never be able to dig ourselves out of Pink Mountain...). Homebirth, so no going home outfit.

@Longtalljosie They want to get something for us but MIL will pick it and our styles are widely different, so I am trying to find something to leave at theirs. I like @Bol87 playmat suggestion + some wee toys though!

@CroissantsAtDawn "The" Ikea high chair was what I thought would be good to have at their place. Glad it seems to hold up well, travel included!

I would say a play mat/play gym or some toys to have at theirs.

I wouldn't go down the Moses basket/cot/high chair/changing table route as they might assume that they will then be taking baby overnight or frequently. Which in theory sounds like a great idea but if there are narc tendencies there you might want to be careful!

As it's inevitable you guys will be visiting, a play mat or toys might be best

In that case I'd go with the thanks we'll let you know line at set some very clear boundaries from day one as they don't sound like they'll be easy.

The ikea high chair survived a lot of use! 2 DC and loads of days to MIL and we took it on holiday too. Brilliant. Dead easy to clean too.

They do have their good moments, by the way, otherwise we wouldn't be in touch Plus DH has finally figured out how to deal with their behaviour and "manage" them, so some visits have even been quite pleasant. They are easier for me to deal with because A) not my parents, B) I have a narc grandma and my mother taught me how to deal with her.

A playmat sounds great, though, thanks everyone.

Play at is a great idea, I'd also suggest a bouncy chair as it's useful to have somewhere to put the baby down that is reflux-friendly and they can sleep in (for v short periods).

Good luck 🙌

The only things I’ve had for any of my DCs that have stayed at grandlarent’s house is a bouncy chair thing just for somewhere to put baby down if I need to while I’m there, and a high chair for later on

I think gorgeous baby blanket as we used ours for years at home, on car seat, on pram, on buggy, over toddlers in car, in bed, round teddy, over teddy in toy buggy, for teddy bears' picnic etc.

Blanket sounds good, too, thanks @MrsEricBana!

I think I am going to suggest a playmat, "the" ikea high chair, a blanket, and "something to keep baby busy".

The bouncy chairs/swings are all fairly pricey and I think we would have a buggy along for them to nap in. I planning to baby wear so we might not need a place to park her anyway. The triple combination gives me the maximum benefit while making them happy. Win-win - thanks everyone!

How about asking them to contribute towards stem cell collection - it is quite pricey and it is an investment in their grandchild's life and health?

Travel cot. Might not be used loads now but a) you can borrow it if you are going away and b) it doubles as a playpen if gp's agree to look after crawling baby in a non-babyproof home c) your child can nap in it while you are there.

@Aneley Thank for the suggestion but if I weigh the likelihood of needed it against the guaranteed benefit of delayed cord clamping, and throw in the price of it, it is a no for us as far as storing stem cells goes. I understand why others choose to but I am a stats person and all about "the likelihood" - just not for us.

@user1474894224 Thank for the suggestion :) We have a Cozee for travel in the beginning and once she out of it, I kind of expect her to sleep in our bed if we travel. New environment, strange things and people = clingy baby in my limited experience.
PIL won't be looking after her unsupervised and I cannot see us using a playpen. We are more likely to argue over who gets to play with DD so we can get away from PIL

My mum had nappies, cream, wipes & a changing mat, we didnt buy a bouncy chair, they used the car seat that came from our travel system, mum also had a couple of bottles, feeding cups & weaning bowls & spoons. As ds got a bit bigger she had a high chair & baby Walker as well as toys.