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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Not knowing who the father of my child is

24 replies

Cuddly1901 · 01/09/2019 23:30

I understand it’s a little late to be posting stuff like this As ultimately I have made my decision to keep my baby regardless of who the father may be.

I don’t know who the father of my child is, it is between two men man A and man B.

When I had my ultrasound dating scan the nurse said I was 12+1 this was on the 20th may and this points to conception around the time I slept with man a (11th March)

I slept with man a the following week (don’t judge) and my period tracker (I don’t have regular periods which is why i keep a tally of when they are, not for conception purposes) said I ovulated on the day I slept with man b (16th March)

I understand ultrasounds are pretty accurate but I am finding myself laying awake at night wracked with guilt and worry about who it will be and how things will be when I have my baby.

I have been told ultrasound can be out by a week either side and this along side my periods not being regular and having a regular cycle makes me even more confused about it.

Either way I will find out and what will be will be. Don’t really know what I am expecting to gain from posting but guess it acts as a kind of out let :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Woarr · 01/09/2019 23:33

Sorry to hear about this . Being pregnant is stressful enough without a worry like this .

Have you told the two men that you are pregnant ?

Keep your chin up no one is judging

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/09/2019 23:36

I'm useless at all that dating stuff so I'm ignoring that.

What is important is that you have decided you're having a baby. Which is lovely. Right? A whole new human being is going to happen. Worrying isn't actually going to change a single thing.

Are they both decent blokes?

Original poster

Cuddly1901 · 01/09/2019 23:37

Thank you.

Yes they both know and it’s just a waiting game now really.

They both wanted me to get a termination but I didn’t want to do this and glad I didn’t. They have now both said they will support me whatever the outcome is going to be but I still feel so shit about it all. Eel like I’ve let my son down already and he isn’t even here. Never wanted to fall pregnant under these circumstances but I only have myself to blame.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cuddly1901 · 01/09/2019 23:40

Yes decent enough if you ignore the termination comment but I guess maybe it’s initial shock.

Both work, both are fathers already and good dads at that to their kids. I know worry won’t change anything it’s just I can’t stop beating myself up over it. I know nothing I can do will change the fact and I feel guilty that’s I’m not enjoying my pregnancy to the fullest. Feel like it’s been plagued with stress and worry

OP posts:

Purpleartichoke · 01/09/2019 23:40

You know that you are primarily doing this solo either way. So once baby arrives, get the dna test done and then get the financials and visitation arrangements set up. You aren’t the first person in this situation and you won’t be the last. The only thing that matters is that you take care of yourself and your child and approach the custody situation calmly.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/09/2019 23:41

Pftt he will never know. It'll all be sorted out before he's holding his head up. And no one needs to blame you, least of all yourself. Guilt when there's nothing to change is so wasted.

And you told them so you've done what you need to do.

Letitbegin · 01/09/2019 23:47

My dating scan was spot on for when I ovulated (I tested so know when I ovulated) so at ovulation they class you as 2 weeks pregnant so due date will be 2/12/19. Is that your due date? But also sperm can stay alive inside you for. While so no way of really knowing if u had sex so close to each person

pinksparkleunicorns · 01/09/2019 23:48

Oh op no one is judging. Is this your first child? Eventually you will be able to look back and see that keeping your baby will be the best thing that you've ever done. Chin up lovely, you're going to be a mother and that baby is lucky to have you. Once you know who the dad is you can deal with that all in time, but for now you have done all you can. Try to enjoy looking forward - babies can be pretty amazing little things!

Aquathest · 02/09/2019 00:08

Definitely not judging you. I supported my best friend through this exact same situation the past year... she now has a healthy baby girl with the father being the one she thought most unlikely.

The test was all completed quite quickly, father is on the BC and they are co parenting amicably. Her little girl is very much loved and cared for and all the worry during the pregnancy seems to be a distant memory for my friend.

Good luck with (and enjoy) your pregnancy xxx

Original poster

Cuddly1901 · 02/09/2019 07:04

Thank you everyone for your kind words

Yes my due date is 1/12/2019

I’ll never regret keeping him just felt like it was a bit of a messy situation but he will be worth it xx

OP posts:

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 02/09/2019 07:57

It's most likely to be the chap you had sex with on the day of ovulation (man B) but unless you are tracking ovulation with ovulation tests you could be a week out

Size of baby isn't always indicative as some implant earlier than other by as much as 4 days

saffy1234 · 02/09/2019 08:14

Hi OP,congratulations on your pregnancy.From what you've said its more likely that man B is the father.Noone is judging you ,you're not the first and wont be the last.You also seem really honest you have been upfront and open with both from the start,I am sure you will be a brilliant mum.xx

Original poster

Cuddly1901 · 02/09/2019 12:51

Thank you xxx

OP posts:

whattodowith · 02/09/2019 13:48

With sex five days apart it’s really impossible to say. Sperm can live up to five days in hospitable conditions so it could be either of them unless you know the exact date you ovulated which you do not.

DNA test is the only way, good luck.

LenoVentura · 02/09/2019 13:51

Do you have a preference OP? Is part of your concern coming from you wanting one of them more than the other to be the father? DNA will sort it out - one thing is for sure, it isn't both of them!

BarbaraStrozzi · 02/09/2019 13:54

Dating scans can be wrong.

I had IVF, so I knew exactly what the date of conception was (to the hour and minute, in fact). They still adjusted my EDD by a week on the basis of the 12 week scan. (DS was born by CS on EDD by their calculations - came out with the "too long in the bath water" look of babies who are late, because he was a week late according to the actual date of conception).

So I think you'll have to wait and offer both men a DNA test to confirm, since they've both said they'll pay support if necessary.

Jesse70 · 03/09/2019 11:25

I think you have done the hard bit by explaining to both possible dad's the circumstances that was very brave
Like someone else said your little one will never know unless you choose to tell them
I take it your not a relationship with either

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 03/09/2019 11:33

Don't feel guilt OP. If the men didn't want you to fall pregnant, they should have taken steps to prevent it.
You've made your decision and you will all find out in the fullness of time.
Enjoy your pregnancy and focus on how much you will love the baby when it arrives x

Michellelovesizzy · 03/09/2019 15:44

U havent let your baby down..... have a dna test and thats it. Please stop feeling bad and enjoye this time. Xxx

NearlyGranny · 03/09/2019 16:51

IUm, no, I disagree! It takes two, whoever the father turns out to be, both of them could and should have taken precautions to ensure a pregnancy could not be the result, as they both initially advised termination. That means they did not intend or wish to father a child at that moment.

Annoyingly, men are potentially fertile ALL the time, so they need to be sure they take care of things at their end, iyswim!

You are not solely responsible, though of course you are far more impacted by the consequences. I'm glad both men have stepped up.

You have exciting and possibly difficult times ahead and I wish you all the best. Having made your decision, murder the alternatives and don't beat yourself up. You haven't let anyone down and my feeling is you won't, either.

Original poster

Cuddly1901 · 03/09/2019 19:42

Thank you all for your kind words and apologies for not responding sooner I had my account suspended as apparently there is a troll in our midst who has posted a similar thread.

I always thought a troll was someone who abused other online users, didn’t think they would post fake threads for attention??

But just wanted to thank you all I have had a huge turn around over the last few days and I know me and my boy will be okay and we will have each other

Thanks again xxx

OP posts:

Letitbegin · 04/09/2019 04:28

At least you have been honest with them and they both know. Don't beat yourself up you won't be the first in this situation and certainly won't be the last. Be kind to yourself

Hayme · 04/09/2024 23:54

Sending love

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2024 01:29

@Letitbegin why did you wake up a very old zombie thread?

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