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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

OH acting very strange - first pregnancy.

16 replies

dontunderstandthis · 30/08/2019 20:05

Hi

First off, I know I'm a hormonal mess the last few weeks.

My partner has been acting very strange the last week. He was at a family wedding last weekend (that I couldnt attend), and came home very hungover. He wasn't right all week, saying he had a bad headache and his stomach was sensitive. Yesterday, out of the blue he said to me that he's worrying that he will be a bad father. Completely leftfield. He was quite upset, and was worrying if he would be a good father.

He is a loving and sensitive partner. He's not into going out and getting pissed 'with the lads'. But then tonight he decides, out of the blue, to go out drinking with his friends. I was upset, and started crying, saying I'm worried that something odd is happening to us, and this behaviour is so unusual for him. I was silly, and tested him, saying it was ok if he went out, as he was asking me should he stay in with me as I was upset. He went out. I really thought he would change his mind and stay in.

Now I'm crying so much. Is something really changing with us? He is the one who was into having children. There was a weird look in his eye tonight.

I'm 28 weeks pregnant. Is this really all falling apart , or am I overreacting??

My little baby is kicking me like mad, he/she must know I'm upset Sad

Anyone else experienced anything similar?

Thank you

OP posts:
LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 30/08/2019 20:13

Unless there's more to this I think you're really overreacting to cry because he's gone out for a drink.

Are you both very young? How long have you been together?

Bellasblankexpression · 30/08/2019 20:15

Why did you test him? Why didn’t you just tell him how you actually felt and explained that you’re unsettled by the uncharacteristic going out and that you didn’t want him to go out? (even if that was irrational)?

Original poster
dontunderstandthis · 30/08/2019 20:16

We've been together for 10 years. Never once, in the 10 years has he gone for an impromptu drink with his friends, it's nearly always an organised thing.

Just to note, he's not good with drink at all, has no control once he's had a few. He's the type of fella that goes all out, but only a few times a year.

I know him and this is out of character for him. We are in our late thirties.

But I am aware that I've been emotional the last while.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontunderstandthis · 30/08/2019 20:18

Hi bellas,

Yeah I know I shouldn't have tested him. Sometimes it's hard for me to be straight up with people, and I wanted him to make the decision himself. I know it sounds crazy.,

OP posts:
Newmumma83 · 30/08/2019 20:24

Having a baby is Life changing thing, getting drunk at the wedding May have triggered all his fears about being a dad.

Your hormones are racing and it is very possible that you are having irrational concerns, you are better to address it with him when calmer

Not Tomorrow as he will be hung over but the day after or tomorrow night you need to try and tell him that he is out of character at the moment and I am guessing you feel he is pulling away a little? ( I don’t think he is but perhaps it feels that way) and that you need to talk about it.

If he does it another two or three times I may be worried but for now I think he has just grasped the responsibility of being a parent and wants to flex his can do something at any time ( ok for me and my husband it was midnight McDonald’s .. but each to their own 😂)

Do you have a friend that can come round and hang with you .. bring some pizza ( everything is better with carbs ) and help
Talk through your concerns and help
You form a productive way of communicating your worries

Honestly you not wrong to feel
Worried as your feelings are valid.. but sometimes the pending big Change in our lives makes us act a little odd at times.

aliensprig · 30/08/2019 20:25

I totally understand where you're coming from OP - my DH is the same, not one to go out much unless plans are made, pretty sensible most of the time... yet I think with things changing at home he's beginning to realise he needs to get a few crazy sessions out of his system before fatherhood! Try not to worry about it, though I know it's hard (I get tempted to "test" DH at times but it's not worth the inevitable argument imo). He probably just needs to let off a bit of steam. If it turns into more of a regular thing then I'd have a gentle discussion about it with him (more of an "I'm worried about you" kind of chat than a nag) but in all honesty, it probably won't come to that. Flowers

Original poster
dontunderstandthis · 30/08/2019 20:30

Thanks Newmumma and aliensprig.

Thank you for the understanding.

Before we got pregnant, I was always the ambivalent one in the relationship, but now I suppose I've changed too. I need him more now, see how important he is to both me and baby, Maybe I've been more clingy with him.

I'm not the most tempered with my emotional reactions at the best of times, and these hormones are making it get out of control.

He says all the right things to me, that he loves me and baby etc. but tonight his actions didn't say that. I was visibly very upset and he still went out.

OP posts:
Viticulture · 30/08/2019 20:33

We are also expecting first time, late 30s and my DP had quite a wobble after the 20 week scan about the changes, his freedom and life generally. And he wants this way more than I do! I think it's probably normal. We talked through it a lot and were able to understand each other. It doesn't make any worries go away, but at least we are trying to be a team. Talk to him, but gently and with understanding, but don't hide your own feelings. He needs to hear it.

Original poster
dontunderstandthis · 30/08/2019 20:38

Thank you viticulture, good to know others are experiencing something similar. I just love him and the thoughts of this going tits up is hard to even contemplate.

The thing is, I'm fucking frightened too, I don't know what sort of a mother I'll be, but I'm just going along as best I can with this, and not acting out like a teenager.

OP posts:
Viticulture · 30/08/2019 20:44

It is absolutely terrifying. Me and DP are, to me, perfect. I couldn't be without him. I couldn't bear the feeling of change when his behaviour went a little odd. I am now 35 weeks and think he's back to normal pretty much. Just got to be patient. I guess us mums suppress our wigging out, maybe it's a survival instinct and our bodies know what's coming.

Original poster
dontunderstandthis · 30/08/2019 20:50

Thank you.
Maybe that's it actually, it's the out of control feeling of the change in his behaviour to me. I've kind of calmed down a little now, and have stopped crying.

Aw, you're 35 weeks, how are you feeling?

OP posts:
CourtneyB123 · 30/08/2019 21:25

Hey just to reassure you that I think itll all be absolutely fine! My partner was all over the shop throughout my pregnancy I'm not sure who was more hormonal haha, everything has changed since our baby but for the better. I think it's their way of trying to cope with the big change. Good luck to you and congratulations x

Original poster
dontunderstandthis · 30/08/2019 22:08

Thank you. Feel all over the shop myself tonight.

Thank you for the congratulations, fingers crossed it will all be ok. xx

OP posts:
Viticulture · 31/08/2019 00:34

Doing fine thank you, but I want this damn thing out of me asap Grin

CandyLeBonBon · 31/08/2019 00:44

Damn thing? Ok Confused

Toastymash · 31/08/2019 05:00

Damn thing? Ok Confused

Oh give over... Hmm

OP my DH started going out drinking more when I was pregnant. He's a very considerate, mature and generally lovely partner, but he just realised it was his last hurrah so threw himself into it. Once I got to the stage of the pregnancy where we needed him sober to drive me to the hospital in case I went into labour he stopped drinking and is totally fine now and excitedly/nervously awaiting baby. I think it's normal and will settle down when baby comes Smile

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