Pregnant and don't want to be

[SaltK]

My DS is 16 months old, and it's been a hard, hard slog. My DH and I are using condoms, but today I just had a feeling and a took a pregnancy test and it's positive.

We have just been talking about how we maybe don't want any more kids. I had lots of miscarriages before having him, and an anxious pregnancy and an awful labour, I just don't want to go through it again. Plus, it has been exhausting and still is exhausting.

I can't believe this has happened. I don't know what to do. I don't think I could end the pregnancy after all their years and all those other pregnancies that didn't work out. But I don't want to have another baby now. I don't know how I'm going to tell DH. Feeling shocked and sad and guilty already for not being happy.

I’m sorry that you are having such a hard time. I remember those times with a baby/toddler and it is difficult.

I think you should tell your husband and see what he says, he might be really optimistic and it helps you to feel supported and you continue. Alternatively, you both decide now is not the time to bring a newborn into an already difficult time. Could you get some counselling to help you decide? I think Marie Stopes might be able to help whichever way you decide.

Thank you Harper for being so kind x

Oh god you poor thing!

I had two miscarriages before I had my (unplanned) dd and remember feeling shocked and not too happy when I found out I was pregnant.

It sounds like you're understandably in shock and dreading another pregnancy. This is totally normal. Maybe counselling could help you unpick these feelings so that you can figure out how you feel about having a baby itself?

OP, I've had six miscarriages, and I would very probably terminate were I to get pregnant now; we have three children, but it's not the absolute number of children that is relevant here, it's the number you think you can cope with. It may not be as hard a second time. But if you feel you can't face going ahead now, there is no guilt in that.

I second the suggestion of impartial counselling, to work out what you want and not what you feel you should want. That may be going ahead with the pregnancy, it may be termination.

They say being a parent is the hardest job in the world for a reason. It is! I don’t think anyone has an easy time, but this is something you need to speak to your partner about soon and together you can talk it through and see what you want to do. I hope whatever you decide to do it all works out well for you both

Listen to your gut instincts. If you’re not ready and the mere though of it is stressing you then embrace the power you have to make a decision about your body. It’s such a difficult one to make especially under the stress of a toddler. It’s terrifying thinking the hardship will never end or alter. It took me 3.5 years after having DD to come round to the idea of having another. Wishing you all the best

Thank you so much everyone for being so kind and supportive. I don't know how to feel, but it really helps to have people say that any choice we make is okay. Xxxx

I echo the other posters OP. You may come round to the idea, but equally, if you decide are not ready for the huge commitment that is another child that’s ok too. Talk to your DH and a counsellor and take some time.