Baby Fever Overload

[kylieeee]

Hey everyone, I’m sorry for the essay I’m about to fire up, but I need an outlet somewhere and hopefully some advice?!

I’m 24 and lucky enough to be engaged to my best friend, we’ve been together for 6 years and we’re really happy. We live together in an annexe on the side of his parents house at the moment while we save to buy our own home, hopefully early next year. We both work full time and earn fairly good money, we’ve travelled the world together from an African Safari to Jamaica, Mexico, Paris, Dublin, and so many more. We’ve made some amazing memories together during our relationship and we’re very lucky to have done what we have, and work hard for what we have.

From the very beginning of our relationship, dating back to about 18, I have known that my purpose in life is to be a mummy and there’s nobody else I’d want to build a family with than my partner. Its always been in the back of my mind, but over the last couple of years I have gone baby MAD. I honestly think about having a baby day in, day out and nothing else. I don’t help myself because I watch back to back one born, teen mum uk etc haha, guilty pleasures! But it makes me feel like I’m missing out and I generally feel quite sad about it. Don’t quote me when it does happen, but I’m even excited to be in labour myself to feel what it’s like and experience my new born baby being put on my chest for the first time. I just can’t think of anything more fulfilling in life.

Even screaming babies don’t deter me, my sister has just had a baby actually and through one of his meltdowns today she looked at me and joked ‘you sure you want one of these?!’ The truth is, yes! I wanted to comfort him and rock him and I just wish it was me.

I’ve spent weeks hoping by some miracle that I’m pregnant, I’ve been googling symptoms and getting excited even though I know I’m on the pill so it isn’t possible. I’ve had a metallic taste in my mouth for weeks, been bloated, tired, spotting, sore back, stomach cramps, even getting up for wees in the night which I’ve NEVER done before, I always sleep through. I have period pains as we speak and I feel really disappointed about it.

Don’t get me wrong, my other half can’t wait to have a family with me either. I think it doesn’t help that he keeps talking about how he can’t wait to have a baby and even telling his family that he’d be made up if I was pregnant. So what’s the problem? He wants to wait until we have our own place. I completely get it, and I know it’s the logical thing to do. But I feel like I’m getting punched in the gut every time one of my friends announces a pregnancy, I feel annoyed that couples around me who are miserable and argue all the time are having babies, then splitting up. So why can’t I? I know I sound jealous and bitter, I don’t mean to be! I think I just have so many maternal feelings and have nowhere to direct them :( advice anyone? Please!

Go for it! If it's what you both want? There will never be "the right time" when you have your own place there will be something else to save for...... then it will be "one last holiday" if I've learnt anything all my years it's that life is cruel and we shouldn't take it for granted. Life is way to short to um and ahh about things. Sounds like you have a great relationship and it's what you both want. Plus side your right next to grandparents for that extra support should you need it.
If it feels right go for it!
Talk with your partner though explain how you feel. Write down pros and cons of trying for a baby now. I say trying as you never know just how long it will take to get pregnant. Good luck. Xx

It depends on your moving situation. when you say own place do you currently rent or do you live with family? If you are with family I would definatly wait until you move out if not then I guess it's just weighing up what you want in the long run. are you saving towards a deposit? how quickly can you save one?

Early next year is not that far away. Channel your energy into manically browsing Rightmove.

How far away are you from getting your own place?

Shut down with your other half and look into the finances. Work out how much you need to save and work out how much you can afford house wise, taking into account that you will be on maternity leave/childcare/part time or whatever when you go back.

Less stressful buying a house without a baby to factor in, I think. And easier to save.

Babies are for life. Your fever will fluctuate. Look for stability and independence.

However the present situation might but be bad, as you're not privately renting so more stable. However if owning a house is something you want then perhaps it is what you should aim for first?

Are your parents hair for you to stay there long term? Or are they renting you the annexe in understanding you'll but a house in the future? If so having a baby and no sign of moving might cause friction. I know a couple who in a similar situation has a very fractured relationship caused by their lack of willingness to move. Parents can be generous but they can also want their children to be more independent. Besides, unless they have a massive house, i imagine you'd have more room in your own house?

See finding a house as a goal. A movement towards what you want. Screw what everyone else is doing. Do Rudy have houses, capable of giving their child a stable future? If they haven't that's nothing wrong with that either, what is what is, but if you have the opportunity don't squander it!

You dont need everything to be perfect to bring a baby into the world. They dont need much. As they get bigger you will need more space and will have to consider location to schools etc.

The biggest factor is financial. Suppose you were to get pregnant straight away. Would you have saved enough for the house you want? If you're buying, would you get the mortgage you want if eg one of you went back part time?

Having said that, I have a couple of friends who waited to move out of London to ideal family locations before trying and then took longer to conceive than they expected. It was quite difficult for one in particular who had a horrendous commute and was surrounded by families and living in a family sized home all because she had wanted it to be perfect for her baby. They hadn't considered it might take a long time to conceive. You can try and plan it all but there are no guarantees.