Feel like my life is a mess

[Notfeelingwell]

Feeling lower than ever. My life is a mess

I’m due a baby at the end of the year. I don’t know who the dad is. My current partner has taken me back despite this and we’ve just had a blazing row over tidying the house which has now turned into he finds it hard doing the baby’s room due to the above but didn’t tell me this just let me battle on on my own getting stuff in the correct rooms.

I feel so low I feel disgusting I feel I’ve let me family down my partner and worst of all my son. I can’t even get it right for his sake and I know for a fact I’ll end up with pnd because I suffer from depression anyway. Had thought about ending my life today and I felt even worse on my baby because it’s not his fault and he deserves to live and be happy and be looked after properly and I don’t think I can give him any of these things. My partner has gone out for the day as he ‘wants to give me some space’ I know he won’t be back until night fall and he won’t be sober.

My life is a mess. I just want to be happy and have a proper family unit we’re my child is loved unconditionally and were im loved to.

I’ve not left my bed since he’s left I just can’t face anything not even looking in the mirror and these intrusive thoughts are crippling. I need someone for support or even just a hug to save it will be okay but I get nothing because I’m nothing and deserve nothing.

Just because you suffer from depression doesn't mean you WILL get PND. You may do, but you may not.

It sounds like both you and your partner need to calm down and take stock of things. You need to talk openly about how you both feel. I also think you would benefit from counelling too, before your baby is born. Mind, the mental health charity, offer free counselling sessions although they would appreciate a donation if you can afford one. You can find your local branch here www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Knowing who the baby's father is won't change anything. If your partner is willing to raise this baby as his own that's all that matters. Don't worry now about what may or may not happen further down the line as you have enough on your plate right now. Being pregnant is HARD. Having a baby is HARD. This is hard enough without you piling pressure on yourself and trying hard to swallow the 'what ifs'.

Try to relax now. You can talk later, maybe if/when he is sober. Alternatively you could text him and ask him to come home now so you can talk this through.

If you are unsafe from suicidal thoughts and think there's a risk you may act on them, PLEASE take yourself to A&E. Seriously contemplation of suicide is a medical emergency and you need some support through this really tough time. Alternatively, you can ring the NHS helpline on 111 for advice, 24 hours a day.

Please look after yourself.

@Notfeelingwell please tell your midwife about this and they can hopefully steer you in the right direction for some support. However I second what @squiff70 has said above - if you really think there's a risk you'll act on your thoughts please go to A&E.

Other than that, what's done is done. We make mistakes because we are human but it's how we deal with things thereafter that really matters. Please stop beating yourself up over things. You are bringing a wonderful life into the world - who cares who is the father. I agree with the above that it will not change anything really and certainly not for now. Either your partner is in this with you or not. Talk it through and see where you stand. But either way, you can do this xx

Thank you I have settled down a bit and feel a bit better after reading your posts so thank you for that.

It’s awful how the mind can make you believe things. I am going to ring my gp tomorrow and let them know and hopefully they can put me in the right direction of some professional help

Thank you again