Is this friend just being rude or totally oblivious?

[Lilaclady9]

So I have a friend with whom I always meet either in a cafe or in my house. Over the last three years or so, she has come over multiple times. When she is over I always have something to feed her - sometimes it's just refreshments or cake, sometimes a proper meal. DH and I have hosted and fed her and her DP multiple times over the years and the favour is never returned. In all that time (three years) we have only ever been invited to their place once, when she had her baby a few months ago. Now, I don't have people over in order for them to invite me to theirs, but I do expect some reciprocity at some point and this feels awfully one-sided.

I'm now heavily pregnant and I have to say that she has been good in offering advice and support as she already has a DC. But she invited herself over the other day (I'm too sore to travel far at the moment) and I made lunch - nothing too complicated - yet I realised when she left that she hadn't even said so much as a "thanks for the lunch". I don't think she has ever said thank you for any meal I've given her. I don't expect a gold medal or anything, but a simple acknowledgement or thank you would be nice! I always say thanks when I've gone to someone's house for a meal, so is it too much to expect the same thing in return? Is it also too much to expect to be invited to hers every once in a while?

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

YANBU. I find it very odd that she doesn’t come out with a thank you reflexively to be honest! It should be second nature to most decent adults!

I've got a similar friend - but I'm the one who always goes to hers! She never me feeds me (I wouldn't expect her to!!! Well, I think maybe cheese and crackers once). I always bring cake because she makes me bottomless tea! That's how the try to thank her for hosting...

You aren't being unreasonable. But now it's a pattern, it's not likely to change.

YANBU

I always try to reciprocate when a friend hosts me.

And never arrive empty handed either, a bunch of flowers or bottle of wine, or a cake or packet of biscuits or even just a box of after eights, not to mention a proper 'thank you for the lovely lunch' and an offer to help wash up after (especially considering you're pregnant and tired)

She sounds quite shit, but if she's giving to your friendship in other ways maybe it's worth it, but everyone is a good host or has been raised to be considerate.

*not everyone

Thanks all for the replies. I'm glad to know it's not just me who finds this odd and bad-mannered!
May just try and meet up in cafes and other public places from now on.

I get why you’re annoyed - but I’m sure she hasn’t event realised. It’s maybe more a case that she’s so comfortable with the friendship that she sees it as normal and doesn’t even think to thank you - but I’m sure she’s not doing it intentionally. If it’s really getting to you - don’t make anything next time she comes and just enjoy her company without having to feel annoyed at her

That would piss me off. Just don’t feed her next time she comes over - make her a brew and that’s it. She’ll soon get the message.

@1ce1cebaby Yeah you may be right, will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she just isn't aware of it.

@Gettingonabitnow Good idea, will only give her tea from now on!

Thanks all for the replies.