Pregnancy at 43/44

[Carrows]

Am I too old to be thinking about becoming a first time mum at 43?

I did get pregnant at 40 but lost the baby at 14 weeks. Been trying to get pregnant naturally ever since to no avail so started looking into IVF as last resort but now concerned I’m too old. If I did become successful I would be giving birth till I was 44.5... I’d be nearly 45!! Is this too old. I keep thinking how I’ll feel be the oldest mum by far at playgroups, and how I’ll be in my 50s when my child starts school. I know I shouldn’t care what society thinks but it’s hard not too. Everyone is so judgemental these days. I dont know anyone else my age thinking of having kids, or had kids at my age. I am kicking myself for leaving it so late! Any advice much appreciated.

Not at all, there's a whole thread of us!!! I'm 17 weeks and will be just a touch short of 46 when the baby arrives. We've recently decided that all the negativity is media driven!

Saying that, I am currently too scared to tell my parents 🤣

Given that the success rate of ivf is very, very low for a woman your age, I think you need to think quite hard if you want to put yourself through that.

I hope you get a lot of positive replies & stories of how everything went wonderfully.

But personally yes, I do think becoming a mum at almost 45 is 'too old'. If you are indeed lucky enough to fall pregnant.

Wishing you the best none the less and sorry to hear of your previous loss.

No go for it

I have met many mums over 40 since being on maternity

As long as your fit and healthy and ready for your journey ahead then go for it

I had mine at 42 and 43. My sister had hers at 45. A friend had hers at 46! All naturally conceived though.
In terms of coping with a baby at that age we were all absolutely fine. Me and my sister do not have partners (I’m a widow, hers was a jerk). But it’s fine. There’s plenty more older mums out there - I can think of half a dozen between my two kids classmates mums who had their kids in their 40s.

I don’t think so. I had ds - my only - at 45 & 2 months. Unplanned. He’s now 11.

My pregnancy was straightforward, none of the doom & gloom my health visitor suggested.

I worked full time until 3 weeks before due date and had a slow but natural delivery at 40+6.
I’ve worked hard to keep fit and healthy because I owe him that. I work full time and need to maintain energy levels but otherwise nothing special. . Ds is happy, healthy and the best thing I’ve ever done.

So go for it. And if anyone other than medical staff asks your age, just lie. Too rude of them anyway.

My mum had me at 45. I do think it's becoming much more common.
My parents were great for their age and I never felt like my mum looked much older than the other mums at school. Overall I would say go for it although I agree you need to be realistic that your chances are a lot lower.
One thing though that does bother me is my mum is now in her late 70s and has lots of health issues. I'm only early 30s and feel I could lose my parents a lot sooner than my friends whose parents all seem around 60ish.

Bear in mind that success rates using your own eggs at 43 are ridiculous. Something like 3%. Consider using donor eggs (not a decision to take lightly).

I'm expecting my first at 41 and would certainly not rule out having another later in my forties.

There are a lot of women in their forties who are in much better health than women in their thirties. It depends on how well you're looking after yourself and what proactive steps you are taking to protect your fertility.

However as said above the problem is with the chronological age of your eggs. But there are steps you can take to do the best with what you've got. If you haven't already read it, read It Starts with the Egg. Some good pointers in there.

If you're keen to start a family soon though I would also look into assistance. We had a number of different tracks under consideration in parallel - ttc naturally, IVFs, researching donor eggs and also investigating adoption.

Congratulations on your pregnant, I hope everything goes smoothly for you.

Yes we are considering donor eggs and the success rates seem high (c. 50%) so optimistic.

Its encouraging to see there are a number of older mums to be out there - perhaps it is becoming more the norm than I thought and I shouldn't let it concern me.

Thank You.

For various reasons (redundancy, family illness, mental health) we didn't ttc at 39 and then had 4 miscarriages up to age 42. Had lots of tests via Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic, which were inconclusive as to the reason... So had private testing of my AMH levels and antral follicle count to establish whether my egg reserve was still okay (which I'd definitely recommend). It was.... but one round of own egg ivf made it very clear that the eggs I did have weren't really any good. Moving to donor egg was the only option left for us. It took a couple of goes but now 24 weeks pregnant at 44.

Congrats Ozmund.

We're much the same; didn't TTC till I was 37 due to circumstances (both mum & uncle had terminal illnesses, & I suffered a number of redundancies during the recession etc). As I said earlier I did get pregnant at 40 but it didn't have the happy ending we'd hoped for which was devastating for us and took a lot of time to recover from. When we decided to give it another go we tried naturally for a year with no joy so sought professional help who advised donor eggs were our best chance which is where we are now. Its cost an arm and a leg which I'm sure you appreciate, but hopefully it will all be worthwhile. I feel some people will judge me for being an older woman trying to get pregnant, however not everyones journey is straightforward. Good luck with the rest of your journey xx

Conceived naturally at 45 for the first time after years of unexplained infertility. DS at 46. Been teaching him to ride a bike today! No regrets but would've loved to have been able to give him a sibling. Go for it! I was told no chance of conceiving using my eggs but somebody's got to be that 1 in the 1:100000 or whatever odds they quoted me !

Definitely go for it! I'm 40 and will be 41 giving birth, definitely will try for one more after this DD is born! Age is a number, if you feel ready & able for it, then all systems go

Thanks. I'm starting to think its becoming more the norm at this age which is encouraging. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy star flake.

I am 43 trying for number 4. Age should not be an issue if you took care of yourself. I look at some 43 year old ladies who struggle with obesity, health issues others look extremely energetic. It is all down to your own health and threshold each woman is different you know your own body better than anyone else. Don't care about others opinion they won't be going through the pregnancy nor will they raise the baby.

Realise this is an old thread but how did you get on OP? Hope all worked out for you whatever way that looks like xx