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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unhappy with situation

18 replies

ladybird2015 · 20/08/2019 13:40

Me and my boyfriend have only been exclusive for 3 months now. However we were dating each other before then and have actually known each other for a year.

We both got tested and I had planned to get the implant put in on the 9th. We hadn’t been using anything but only had sex twice, using withdrawal both times. I noticed that my period hadn’t come that week so took a pregnancy test (then several after that) all were positive.

BF came round and I blurted out that I was pregnant and he actually seemed happy about it. He’s 12 years older than me and both his exes had abortions, which he seemed kind of annoyed about (1 he went with and the other did it behind his back).

I’m still at university and have one year left. And I really regret telling him. I’m thinking of terminating and telling him it was a miscarriage which I know isn’t the best thing. I already have a 3 year old who was 9 months old when I started the degree, and feel like if this happened a year from now I would have been more comfortable as I don't think I could finish the degree with a baby.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/08/2019 13:43

You weren’t using contraception so you both knew pregnancy was possible.

Did you expect him to be unhappy which would have confirmed your decision to terminate?

If that’s what you want then I don’t know why you aren’t honest with him about it. Lying about a miscarriage is grim.

girlanonymous · 20/08/2019 13:46

There are many women on here (including myself) that have gone through a miscarriage. It is not something to lie about.

Don't know what else to say. Agree with PP.

Halo1234 · 20/08/2019 13:46

Oftttt. That's a big secret to carry for the rest of your relationship. If u only have a year left of uni and would be happy with a baby a year from now.....would it not be an option to take a gab year then go back (alright it would be rough to do final year with 2 kids but it's only one year). I dont want to add to your pain but I feel for dads in this position they have zero say it what happens. Not that I am saying they should or that a woman she have to continue with a pregnancy when she doesn't want too because of the dad. I dont know what they fair solution. Would he support you throught the last year? Good luck whatever u decide.

fonxey · 20/08/2019 14:09

Why are people still using the pull out method? I thought it was a commonly known fact that is a poor method of contraception.

Don't lie. You got yourself equally into this new. You can't continue a relationship based on lies. Just tell him you aren't ready for a cold. If he shabby understand and gets arsey there might be a reason his exes didn't want to have any of his children.

ginandwine · 20/08/2019 14:13

You weren’t using contraception so you both knew pregnancy was possible.

Did you expect him to be unhappy which would have confirmed your decision to terminate?

If that’s what you want then I don’t know why you aren’t honest with him about it. Lying about a miscarriage is grim.

Totally agree.
What do you expect to happen if NO ONE uses contraception? You don't seem very wise
you want to abort but then lie and say it was a miscarriage, what is wrong with you? Act your age and don't start lying about something so serious

Wildorchidz · 20/08/2019 14:19

Was he pulling out from his 2 exes who both had abortions?

Wildorchidz · 20/08/2019 14:19

Which would make it seem that abortion is his favoured method of birth control

pinkyredrose · 20/08/2019 14:23

Given he's got a history of creating unwanted pregnancies why was he using the withdrawal method? The cynic in my would say maybe he didn't pull out.in time accidentally on purpose?

Scorpiovenus · 20/08/2019 14:25

yea your young and have so much to learn and live for. Terminate and have a baby that's planned with someone you are secure with and not a temporary fling thing. Its too soon and the child will suffer

abbs1 · 20/08/2019 15:02

Whatever you do please dont lie and tell him it was a miscarriage. For us women who have been through it, it's the most heartbreaking devastating thing to go through and not something that should be lied about. Be honest with him and either he will support and stand by you or not but losing a baby isn't something that should be just lied about if you dont think you want to keep it.

DerbyshireGirly · 20/08/2019 15:13

OP, won't you be about finished by the time your baby is due? Can't tell as you don't say your dates but just guessing from rough timings. Your uni may be able to help you finish off in time.

I'm 9 weeks into a planned pregnancy and just about to start my second year of a part-time degree...I will be relying on lots of support from my husband but we've been together a long time. Not sure how such a new relationship would cope with those added stresses.

kkl1 · 20/08/2019 16:29

That's disgusting that u won't to say it's a miscarriage if you don't won't the baby then talk to ur partner properly and see where you go from there people on here suffer from miscarriages all the time an trying to find out Info to help conceive and then you come on with u want to lie

Lozz22 · 20/08/2019 16:45

If you're going to lay down and open your legs but not use protection then yeah chances are you are going to fall pregnant. Everyone knows the 'pull out' method is the most crappiest form of contraception going!! I don't agree with abortion at the best of times unless it's for a very good reason such as TFMR not because it might affect someone university course. Oh and having it and then passing it off as a miscarriage is the lowest of the low!! I had my third miscarriage last month 3 days before my partners birthday after 15 years of TTC

Teddybear45 · 20/08/2019 17:15

Just be honest about it. If he takes it badly that’s on him and you should break up

sprite25 · 21/08/2019 09:35

I know others will probably stick up for OP but I'm another who has lost planned and wanted pregnancies and to lie about it because you were both too irresponsible to use any contraception is insulting and gross. What did you honestly think was going to happen, having unprotected sex?!

devilishlygood · 21/08/2019 09:52

Wow. So many judgey comments. Why do you have to be so shitty about your replies?

OP. This is a sorry situation, but the way forward is to communicate with your partner. You decided to be exclusive...yes, it’s early, but you are adults. And maybe OH is in a position to offer you support like you didn’t have before. That will make a huge difference.

Before you make any decisions, balance it with OHs opinion. You can still have a termination, he can’t prevent that. But it might not be your only option.

Speak to your mentor at uni as well, you won’t need to give up necessarily...just see what options you have.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/08/2019 18:33

What is deeply shitty devilishlygood is planning to lie about having a miscarriage. But don’t let the very fair responses OP has had get in the way of your virtue signalling

LambBeefandHedgehog · 24/08/2019 18:51

12 years older but seems to not know how to use contraception going on his history. And you would think the OP might know about the pull out method not being reliable seeing as you already have a child. But I doubt the OP is coming back anyway.

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