How do you know when you're ready for a baby?

[babyq2456]

My fiance and I have been together for over 7 years. We are due to get married in just under 2 years and have been living together for about 3 years now, so we are pretty set up in our life.

We are both 24 and ready for a baby. The plan was to wait until we got married but the only sense in doing that was to be 'settled' first, but now I just think that's silly and if we are ready then why not? I guess I still feel young and have my reservations about what people will think (I know this isn't what you should go by) but I know everyone is probably expecting it after we get married. I have always wanted to be a young mum and plan to have three children so having the first one within the next couple of years seems perfect.

I work full time with my dad, we have our own business and I make decent money so we would have no issues with that. Also, both our families live very close by so we have a great support system.

How do you know if you're ready for a baby?

If it feels right go for it.
I don't think you ever fully 'ready' for children because it's the unknown and it's probably nothing like you expect (I know it wasn't for me) but if you both feel ready to try for a baby then go for it!! Xx

When DH and I bought our first house, and my first thought was how lovely the smaller spare bedroom would be as a nursery. That's how I knew. Before then, hadn't thought about it much at all, and we've been together more than seven years! It makes a big difference living in our own place and being out of the rental loop. I think knowing we'd have stability is what did it.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant tomorrow and still not sure if we're ready for a baby!

If you both want to try for a baby then I'd go for it. For me it was important to be married first but if that's not important for you then don't let what other people might think hold you back. At the end of the day it's your life and your choices, not theirs.

At your age, I would wait for marriage and enjoy married life for a few years before having a baby. Why are you waiting so long to get married?

Hello OP, do you own your home? I just ask because the rental laws in this country mean it can be a bit unstable and if you're young and earning good money I would make that a priority first. Aside from that there are a few things that become tricky once you have kids. Certain types of holidays, going out spontaneously (or even un-spontaneously) reading books, seeing friends etc so I'd just have a think about whether those things are important to you and perhaps you want to do them for a few more years first? You sound sensible and unlike us you have a support network in place but you're only young once so the saying goes and babies can be very hard work so you don't want to be wishing you'd done x or y and now it's too late.

@TipseyTorvey its not technically our home but we are very fortunate that my partner's parents own a lot of properties, so it is one of theirs that we live in, we just have to pay the bills so we are very lucky. I might not be a typical 24-year-old, haha but I am not one for going clubbing and enjoying going out all the time, I love chilling at home. We have already done the travelling with going to Asia and around Europe for 5 months so definitely not worried about missing out! Thanks for the input though, it's not an easy decision haha

I appreciate the input but to be honest we have been together so long I don't see much changing once we are married, we already live together so I don't think anything else is going to make a difference. I was going to wait until we are married but just thought why

If you've both discussed it and are in agreement go for it. Don't worry about your age it's just a number. I'm early 30s with my own home and only decided January I wanted to go forward with trying. I became pregnant very quickly. I don't know if I'm ready but having a baby feels right for me.

The only thing I would say is about your job. If you run your own business with your father is there scope for raising a baby along with that? What about time off after birth. I only say because my partner is self employed and therefore gets no form of paternity pay. So it may be worth looking into any entitlements you both may get. I don't know how it works if it is you that is self employed (I assume you are?!)

Whatever you decide I wish you luck!

I'm 23, not married but have been with DP for 6 years.
We have a 3 month old baby and I'm still not sure we're ready for children but it's amazing haha! She's the absolute light of my life.

Just be wary that it may take a while to conceive though so you could be getting married while pregnant or with a very young baby.

I'm not sure you're ever fully ready!

I think it depends on your lifestyle and priorities. Having a baby at 24 if you live anywhere near London or your social circle is largely middle class professionals would be really young- not that that should stop you, but just something to be aware of that you may need to seek out more of a network than if you were to wait 5/6 years when more of your peers would be at the same point in life.

At 24 DH and I were enjoying our freedom, living in central London and putting time into the start of our careers whilst able to spend loads of time on friends and holidays. A baby wouldn't have worked with that lifestyle.

By 28 we knew a few people who'd started to have children, we'd got married (so one less cost to worry about) and had travelled extensively and bought a house so we felt we were prepared to focus our finances more on a family lifestyle as we'd made the most of our twenties without compromising. We then had DC1 at 29 and it was right for us, although still felt young compared to most people we know.

I’m going to be honest OP, it’s not easy. The pregnancy and baby stage is the easiest, you don’t need to be asking “am I ready for a baby??” You need to be asking “ am I ready to be a PARENT? “Am I ready to have a person want/need me for the next 18 years (at least)?
What kind of mat pay will you get being a family employee?
I still think you need to get your OWN house as your grandparents may need to sell the property to use for care etc. or something else may happen.
You say you are surrounded by your family and that’s great but usually after a few months ppl get back to their own routine and leave you to it.

Personally if you're planning to get married I would do that first. Not because of tradition just because how on earth do people cope with babies and a wedding (I know many people do- but the last one we were at where the bride and grooms toddler was teething and screamed through the whole ceremony- they said we should have done this before kids!) I had no idea how all consuming having a baby would be, was totally unprepared- even though I work with babies and thought I was 'ready'.

Can you get married sooner?

If it feels right for you go for it. I don't think anyone can say they are truly ready. Having a baby, or rather being responsible for another human being is unlike anything else. It's a totally immersing experience, you are both still young, so have time. Once you have the baby there is no going back! And yourvlife will charge.
The other thing to consider is you will enjoy your wedding a lot more if you can focus just on the two of you and don't have a small child to worry about. Because whatever you may think now that child will be on your mind all the time. Not your wedding dress, the reception the bridesmaids etc
Having said all that having children was the best decision of my life. I don't think I would have ever been totally ready. But don't regret a thing.

Unless you're very well off (not to make assumptions but are you waiting to get married because you are saving for a wedding?) it'll be difficult to afford a wedding once you have a child.

I always said I wanted to get married before children, not as a status/society pressure thing, more that once children arrived my money would be for them. Being able to pay for the wedding we wanted would have meant our dd going without. It's easy to be selfish/self indulgent without children. Much much harder afterwards.

If you’ve got a wedding planned, do that first. It’s the only thing I envy slightly in my choice to have children first. I absolutely do not regret them but I know our wedding day won’t be quite the same as those who were childfree. Particularly the honeymoon. Having just done a few weddings this summer with a toddler, I longed to be childfree for 10 minutes to sit & have a drink!

I personally am glad we waited until we were late twenties. I have never been into clubbing or nights out, preferring being at home or dinners with friends. But having a kid was a huge shock, despite being planned & much longed for. I realised I was very grateful to have spent a good portion of my twenties with my freedom & few responsibilities. Even now, I miss being able to go out for dinner when we feel like or see the latest film. We used to pop for spa days, theme park trips, nights at the seaside .. that all now takes a lot of planning. I can never stay late at work, I’m permanently exhausted. But I love it all. My daughter is wonderful & the best thing. But I’m glad to have waited personally

You're never ready for children, but you can try and "child proof" your relationship by ensuring that you've BOTH created a strong secure Foundation for your relationship before they arrive. Once they are here, children change everything and you can lose sight of your partner for a while. Knowing beforehand why you're together and what it is you enjoy doing together and why will mean that you have something to hold onto during those rough times. There will be rough times!

Money is the biggest issue sadly, so have a think, and maybe practice how's you will cope on just one wage, or as you're not paying rent try putting that money aside each month and see how it affects your relationship activities.

Consider the age gap that you would like between your children, if you want them close together the second one might interfere with your wedding plans? The first, if it arrives before your marriage will definitely interfere with a romantic honeymoon!!!🙄

I’m completely on the other side of the fence. Go for it. You will never completely feel ready. If you feel like it’s time then no point in hanging around. I say this as I was told so many time oh your so young, you have so many years to have children. Well I got married at 23 and it took us 5 years to have our twins finally through IVF. Thought because of our age we would catch on quickly but we didn’t I was 29 when they finally arrived. Do what feels right for you and your fiancé x

Hi OP 😊
I also want 3 kids and am now pregnant with #1
My husband and I met quite young and are together 10 years and married for 2. We have always wanted children but waited until now because:
I am traditional and wanted to be married first!
It took us 2 years of working overtime to pay for our wedding and we couldn't have done that with a child.
We wanted a bit of married life to ourselves and to enjoy our honeymoon.
I wanted to develop my career to a stage where I was happy with my salary before changing my focus from career to family. (That now means I can afford a comfortable maternity leave and also going part-time if needs be in the future)
We sold our first 2-bed 'starter home' and have bought a family home that will fit 3 children if we get that far. So we don't have to worry about trying to save for a bigger house once expensive children come along!
I finally managed to afford a car big enough for a pram/family.
We felt we had done all our travelling that was not child-friendly and savoured all the adult-only things we wanted to do, like spontaneous weekends away or date nights.

I'm 29 and lots of my friends have only started having children. I know I've still plenty of time to have 2 more if we choose to! I like the idea that my 20s were just for me 😊
I appreciate lots of our reasons to wait came down to money, but financial stability was one of the main things we felt we needed to achieve before allowing ourselves to start our family.