Am I being selfish?

[Lucycox]

Hello,

Just after some advice really. I'm a FTM I'm
due the 11/09/19 so not long to go now. Just wondering why I'm all of a sudden feeling like this and if it's normal? Recently I have started to feel like I don't want to share my baby when she is here, by share I mean I just want some time for me and my husband to have with her before everyone comes round and sees her. I have my MIL already on at me to get me to go out so she can babysit , but I have this feeling of where I never want to leave my baby I don't want to go out and do things. I know my feelings may change but why is she already on at me to do this. It's mine and her sons baby not hers. Don't get me wrong I feel terrible for feeling this way towards her as she has done and brought so so much. She also goes on about the baby sleeping over but I've told my husband that it doesn't matter who it is his mum or anyone my baby is never leaving me for the night no way, he understands but I think he may feel like I'm being selfish, his always supported my decisions so I can't fault him.

I don't know what I want to get out from posting this , just want some mums experiences and if they have ever felt like this. I also am experiencing random
dreams where people take my baby from me or my MIL is always at my house 😂 help me!!!

Thanks for reading my pointless post lol xx

Not selfish at all OP!
Lay down the rules now before baby arrives. It's all about what YOU want and feel comfortable with.
Tell family/friends they are NOT to visit until invited and are to leave after a certain amount of time if that's what is needed here because some people will stay all day and as a new mother that's unlikely what you'll want.
Be as 'selfish' as you like. Your whole world is about to change.
I didn't leave DD with anyone but DH till she was 9 month old which is fine. Don't do anything you don't want to. The baby is yours and DHs not MILs.

Best of luck with the upcoming birth OP and congratulations x

Tell Your DH to tell your MIL to back of.
Tell everyone you will tell them when you are ready for visitors and if they turn up you will not let them in and do that.

If you set the rules now then they’ll be easier to enforce.

Also, I feel sorry for new mums and dads when they have visitors who come and stay and do not move.
Do not wait on these people hand and foot. Do not make them tea or food.
When it all gets too much, say “well lively to see you but it’s rest time for us thanks” go upstairs and sit in your bedroom with baby.

It's totally normal. When my first was two days old my dad was holding her and I actually cried I just needed her back so badly. I get on really well with him, trust him completely and now she's older she loves him and he babysits regularly. It's a massive rush of hormones to make you protect your baby, no one in their right mind would go between mama bear and her cubs!

I'd set her expectations now. She's the one being pushy and selfish, not you. I hate it when new mothers get treated like this. You have to balance being friendly and warm to your MIL but not letting yourself get pushed into doing things that make you stressed.
Speak to your mum about whether she left her babies overnight. If she says no, that gives you an easy reply. If not find a friend or sister or cousin who shares your view and quote them to MIL: "Oh I can't see myself leaving a baby overnight, my mum never left us overnight until we were 14 months, she said it just felt a bit wrong, so I bet I'll feel the same as she did". It forces her to criticise other people, not you, which makes you less the target. Breastfeeding is great anyway but it also gives you a really good excuse to stay close to the baby, so you could also throw into another conversation that you'll be breastfeeding "I suppose every 3 hours at least" and if she tells you it's unnecessary just tell her you want the best health benefits for the baby. There is literally nothing she can say to argue with that.

Totally agree with the other ladies. I remember being really upset that my baby smelled so much of my MIL's perfume a few days after she was born! It's funny the things that hit you at such a vulnerable time.

How you will feel after the birth is unpredictable, you will be flooded with hormones and it doesn't matter whether it makes sense to anyone else, you just need to do what's right by you. And maybe when your little one arrives your mind will change and you'll be grateful for the chance to have a break. But maybe you won't, and that's totally ok.

Love reading all your posts. Thank you girls makes me feel so so much better about myself. I literally do feel like a bear protecting her cub , I'm so paranoid. I said to her the other day that my mums going away on a cruise so I hope baby stays put until she is back as i couldn't think of anything worse then my MIL meeting baby without my mum meeting her , she said well I'm here anyways and I replied yeah but there is nothing like having your own mum around ( me and my mum are so so close) and she looked at me like I stabbed her in the heart. Wish I could just lock myself , baby and husband away from the world lol xx

It is completely and utterly normal to want to keep your baby by your side for quite some time!

I know what your feeling.
We will be staying at my parents house when the baby first arrives. My mum did the same when myself and my brother were born.
Did kind of mention it to my DH and what he thought his parents are going to think.
He isn’t close to his parents either and said it’s got nothing to do with them, they can come to your parents or not come.
I’m glad we are on the same page. Not being funny, i can stay naked all day if wanted around my mum, but definitely not around my MIL.
You do what you are comfortable with

Love that picture , may share it on my Facebook to try and get my point across without using words lol. Omg yes I can totally be naked around my mum if I wanted , I am lucky that my husband supports my decisions , don't know how I would cope if he didn't. I spoke to my mum about how I'm feeling and she said she felt the same and wouldn't let anyone have me or my sister until we were old enough to ask to sleep over. Maybe it's where she only has her son so doesn't exactly have that " mother daughter bond" experience that I have with my mum. So so glad to hear that it's totally normal and I'm not a selfish crazy lady haha x

Totally normal. My baby is only 6 weeks and I feel no where near ready for anyone to have him. I'm so protective over him. I know it's only 6 weeks but I really feel that I won't be ready for a long time if at all. And that's okay because they're my feelings and people need to appreciate them. He is mine, not anyone else's and I certainly don't have to share him ☺️

Totally normal, especially if it's your MIL why can they wind you up like nobody else?!

You are not being selfish, you want to keep your baby close because that is what's best for your baby.
If anyone pushes to babysit/have baby stay with them when you're not comfortable with it, THEY are being selfish.

Completely normal and not at all selfish - it's best for you AND for your baby for you to stay close to each other.
My 'baby' is 3yo now and up until a week ago he'd still never been away from me overnight. Plenty of time for that once they're older.