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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Do I accept this as divine fate - or terminate?

41 replies

Abcd86 · 18/08/2019 12:42

I have just found out I am expecting (very early days max 4wks). This is the result of a one night stand with my children's father. We separated almost 3yrs ago after trying to make things work. We already have 2 DD's who we work as a team to raise with love, respect and integrity. Despite the fact that we are separated we manage to successfully do this and remain very close friends. We have ended up the bedroom on more than one occasion but never a frequent thing, literally one night here and there over the course of the split. Approximately 12 months ago I found myself in this same situation. We agreed that although our DD's are great more babies is not the answer and so a termination happened. My instincts tell me to do the same this time but the fact that I have fallen pregnant from a one night thing for the second time has me questioning whether fate is trying to tell me something? I'm not an overly religious/spiritual person but I do have a tendancy to believe in fate. Myself and my ex have complete respect and love for eachother (although we also have the ability to drive eachother to absolute furious insanity). He is away at the moment so I've chosen not to tell him so he can enjoy the peace and quiet. I'd like to reach my conclusion for myself before he gets back. Obviously if a baby is going to happen we need to try and integrate back into a one unit family as there is no way I could look after all three as a single parent even though he helps a lot. Is there anyone who has experienced this situation who can help me fight it out with myself?

OP posts:

katewhinesalot · 18/08/2019 13:21

How does your ex feel about having to become one unit again?

LaDrem · 18/08/2019 13:22

Oh OP from your updates it seems that you haven't really broken up! I think you really need a chat about your relationship!
With regards to the baby, you need to think about the worst case scenario and whether you could cope.

Crybabyghoul · 18/08/2019 13:22

It sounds pretty irresponsible. I think you're romanticising the situation. You've already terminated an unwanted child and now you're pregnant again because of making the same mistakes. It seems ridiculous to me to have repeated terminations because of the exact same situation.

If you're so drawn to one another maybe you should have the baby and give family life another go. Otherwise start using contraception.

Crybabyghoul · 18/08/2019 13:25

Sorry OP I see that you have been using contraception, albeit not very effectively!

Angelf1sh · 18/08/2019 13:32

If in the space of one year you’ve twice ended up with an unwanted (or at least unplanned) pregnancy, then you really aren’t being responsible with contraception.

Also, there’s no such thing as fate.

Sleepyhead11 · 18/08/2019 13:36

@ABCd86 some of the answers you are getting seem a little harsh. Love is important, and not hippy dippy as pp said. I think you do need to talk to ex though before coming to a decision, especially as you're close.

ParkheadParadise · 18/08/2019 13:38

I do believe in fate.
I was 38, Dd1 was 23,no way were we planning on anymore children.
I didn't find out I was pregnant with Dd2 until i was 5mths, didn't have any choice, but to continue with the pregnancy. We were in complete shock.
When I was 7mths pregnant, Dd1 died suddenly, the only reason I am still here is because of Dd2.

You need to talk to your ex.

YobaOljazUwaque · 18/08/2019 13:42

Fate is not trying to tell you anything, no.

Your subconscious may be deliberately causing you to occasionally shag this bloke without successful contraception as a tactic to rekindle the relationship. That won't work though.

Whether you keep the baby or not is your choice. Don't try to pretend it isn't a choice by waffling about fate. Its up to you, and the consequences either way will be down to you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/08/2019 13:50

ParkheadParadise

OP, you really need to talk to him because while the decision about whether or not to continue with the pregnancy is yours, if part of it is dependent on the chances of the two of becoming one family unit again he’s a key player.

Original poster

Abcd86 · 18/08/2019 13:56

Thanks guys. Lots of food for thought. I'm not able to have a face to face chat until late next week with my ex due to him being away but I would not do anything without his voice being heard anyway. Who knew belief in fate was so rare?!?!?! I hear everything that's been said - even the comments that make me feel foolish for being human! I'll hippy dippy through the next week until talk things through and hopefully having the answers to the very valid questions asked here will fix where we need to go from here. I don't mean to offend anybody with my 'irresponsibility', just is what it is now x

OP posts:

colourlessgreenidea · 18/08/2019 14:23

Who knew belief in fate was so rare?!?!?!

There is no such thing as fate. The things that happen to us and others are the consequences of actions made by ourselves and others.

MrsB899 · 18/08/2019 14:32

I Think some of these replies are a bit cruel. I'm sure we've all done something in the spur of the moment and there are plenty of people who believe everything happens for a reason, there's no need for the belittling. Unfortunately OP no one can tell you what you should do for the best. Maybe have a discussion with your ex and come to a joint decision. The fact you keep ending up in bed together speaks volumes. I hope things work out for you, whatever you decide

Original poster

Abcd86 · 18/08/2019 15:02

I don't mind cruel comments, they're quite grounding when you get carried away with your thoughts so helpful in your their own way I guess. I haven't done myself many favours as I've missed a reasonable amount of context out but put simply, our planned children didn't come easily or quickly. Those of you with kindness, thank you. I'm very introvert with my life and although home truths are part of life, sensitivity makes things easier to absorb.

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 18/08/2019 20:23

You must be highly fertile and or very unlucky to get pregnant twice in the situation you describe (very sporadic sex and contraception used)

Fate and abortion seem very polar opposites to me? So which one do you mean towards more?

KJ1988 · 21/08/2019 13:19

Lot's of opinions in this post @Abcd86 and I know you asked for advice, but I feel some are a little harsh. Didn't want to read and run.

Whilst your situation doesn't sound the most ideal, it is you that's in your situation and not any one of us on this forum.

Only you and your ex know your relationship (Personally it sounds as though there's more to your relationship and I hear a bit of hope for the future) and only you can decide what you do next.

It's a decision you should reach together though and don't feel as though you need to reach one before talking to him about it. His reaction may influence how you feel about it and be a contributing factor to what you decide. Whatever you decide, it may be time to discuss your relationship too. Whilst your current relationship seems to be working for you - is that enough for you both? Do you owe yourselves and your children more?

Good luck with whatever you decide x

Scorpiovenus · 21/08/2019 15:22

what a mess

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