Pregnancy regret or hormones

[TellMeMore2020]

Me and DH have been trying for a baby.

Now I'm pregnant I'm having regrets. Is it normal to feel this way?

I've just been given fluoxetine to take as I've been suffering with depression and anxiety. I'm guessing hormones and this could be a factor?

I've even gone off DH and his every move is annoying me! He's not understanding the hormones/anxiety I'm feeling atm either which doesn't help.

Any one felt similar during pregnancy?

I remember feeling really anxious and regretful for a couple of days not long after finding out I was pregnant (it was a planned pregnancy).

It didn't last long, I think it was just my brain coming to terms with this massive life change and panicking a bit. Totally normal and nothing to worry or feel guilty about - hopefully it resolves as quickly for you as it did for me.

Hi @TellMeMore2020, I was exactly the same! We've already got a 4 year old and had talked about a second for over a year. Then we decided to go for it and fell pregnant straight away! Literally from the min I saw the positive test I was like what have we done? I cried constantly, felt depressed, didn't want to go out or do anything just felt really low (which I've never had before) Was honestly an awful time feeling like that when everyone kept saying to me 'what amazing news' 'you must be so happy' etc! I'm now 22 weeks and feel totally different, so much lighter, happier, and looking forward to our new arrival. I've started shopping and getting prepared and talking to my DS about it which is lovely! I'm still a bit anxious about it all but I think that's just normal! I'm just putting it down to hormones at the time and panic about such a change after 4 years with our little boy! I hope you feel a bit better soon and that your partner is a bit more understanding 💕 Honestly don't feel alone though as I'm sure lots of people must go through it (although I know that doesn't help at the time) xx

I'm feeling the same way - I feel like I don't want the baby and I'm constantly thinking that I don't want to be with my DP. When we're not together I'm thinking of all the ways we might not be right for each other and have convinced myself that he doesn't actually care about me or love me.

I'm pretty sure it's irrational and based on hormones, as when we're together we have a fantastic time and it's perfect.
We have a possible problem with the baby which could have a huge impact so I think this is why I feel I don't want the baby. I've also convinced myself it's already died as i lost symptoms a month ago and the hospital won't see me about it, or give me the tests for the issue we already know about.

@doormat247 I'm sorry to hear this love. How far gone are you? Have you told your partner how you feel?
You're not alone in how you feel though, my head is on another planet right now.

We were trying for a baby for ages, now I'm pregnant I'm not sure it's what I want. How can someone be so indecisive? It is probably irrational hormones as you say. I'm only 7+5 atm.

@pinky8383 oh how I wish I was excited like you. I think it may have something to do with my anxiety tablets and hormones. We were trying to conceive for a few months and now we have done it I feel so unsure. Actually my partner said I'm so distant from him. It's because my heads on another planet! I'm so pleased for you and your positive news xx

I felt the same way! It would come and go, feelings of panic and regret, all the way into my second tri. I remember thinking about wanting to end the pregnancy and break up with my partner! I think its just an emotional and scary time but once babe is here you'll forget you ever felt like that. I'm 31 weeks now and very excited/happy!

@TellMeMore2020 I'm about 13wks. I'm due my scan on Monday and convinced it will be bad news. It would be a relief if it was to be honest, I just don't want to carry on at the moment.
No I haven't shared how I feel properly with my partner as I know that he isn't completely thrilled about the baby either.

I don't know when or even if this feeling will pass. I really hope it passes for you with it being a planned baby.

I was pregnant for 3 months last year and do remember the same irrational thoughts about my partner, but not the baby. I wanted that baby from the moment I knew I was pregnant - I'm not maternal generally but truly felt a bond. I have the opposite this time.

@doormat247 Can I ask why you think something is wrong? Is it Instinct?

I wonder that about my baby if I'm honest. I wonder if I feel so bad it's because something is wrong with the baby?!

I'm struggling to tell my partner how I feel too. If/when I do he thinks I'm exaggerating my hormonal feelings. Very annoying! He's a good guy just I don't think he 'gets it' if that makes sense.

I was 6 weeks pregnant with a much wanted ivf baby after 7 years of infertility and for a few weeks thought the same. I was at a real low ebb.
I put it down to a combination of morning sickness, anxiety and hormones. It didn't last thankfully and was so overjoyed to be finally pregnant in the 2nd trimester

@sweetheartyparty it's so good to hear. Thank you. I really hope this dark cloud lifts. X

We were the same trying for a baby for a year and when we got the positive test we both freaked out. A little time for the news to settle and we were over the moon again.

@TellMeMore2020 we're pretty sure one or both of us caught Zika virus on holiday which is when I got pregnant. The hospital have refused to follow their own policy of tests and early scans so we're very worried the baby will be horrifically deformed.
Plus at least a month ago I stopped having any symptoms of pregnancy and started with awful pains. Again the hospital said they weren't going to do any tests or scan.

I feel nothing (other than bloated). Last time I could sense the baby. If I ran or got stressed, it felt like the baby was panicking. I also felt fiercely protective of the baby. I also felt really healthy last time - this time I feel like crap but just 'off' and tired (I've always lacked sleep so not pregnancy related). No actual pregnancy symptoms at all.

Yeah sounds like your partner isn't getting it at all. I've mentioned feeling rough a few times and my DP will say 'ooh I wonder what's up with you' and I just stare at him wondering if he's dense. I just want to shout 'maybe it's because I'm bloody pregnant you idiot' but I can't be bothered to waste my time or breath!

@doormat247 Me and my DP? EXACTLY. THE. SAME. 🙄

I'll be thinking of you and hope everything works out for you. ❤️

@TellMeMore2020 most men are probably exactly the same - they just don't get it. My DP has had me lifting sheds, trekking though woods in Finland, zip-lining etc with zero thought for the baby.
I also had a bad fall a few weeks ago and he showed no sympathy or care at all which was worrying.

I hope it all works out for you - hopefully the hormones will change in the second trimester and you'll start to feel more positive about everything

@doormat247 how are you today?

Hi @TellMeMore2020 I had my first scan today - I cried when I saw it (not out of happiness) and still feel nothing for the baby. But it was a real shock that there seems to be nothing wrong at this stage. It was kicking the hell out of me so they really struggled to get a measurement. Really didn't expect it to be so lively when I have zero pregnancy symptoms - although I've had indigestion all day due to being prodded and poked for the best part of an hour.
They couldn't get the reading for the Down's syndrome tests as the baby was moving so much and kept spinning upside down!

I thought maybe I'd feel differently after the scan but I don't. My DP however seems more positive about everything.

How are you feeling? Any more positive about things? I really hope there's a change in the hormones in the second trimester so you can start to enjoy your pregnancy.

@doormat247 I'm pleased your baby is healthy after all the concerns you've had. I'm still feeling the same.. No bond, no feeling for partner, not convinced I want the baby. Its an awful feeling to have but unfortunately it's where I'm finding myself. DP keeps talking about it but I'm in denial I think.
What will you do now? Do you take anti-depressants like me too?

@TellMeMore2020 no I'm not on antidepressants so not sure whether your tablets will be causing you more extreme emotions or not.
I thought a few days ago that things were changing as I've been more positive with my DP. Now my thoughts on him are wavering again and my thoughts towards the baby are not getting any more positive.
What's really been irritating is that everyone at the hospital congratulates me in a ridiculously over the top way. They're met by my stony face and I can't even fake any enthusiasm.

@doormat247 seems like we're going through similar feelings/experiences. I've been off work for 4 weeks now because I've found it so difficult to be motivated.
I'm going to attempt to speak to DP tonight. Our communication is weak so I need to come clean about my feelings and see what his thoughts are.

Please contact your midwife to talk about how you’re feeling, if you haven’t got one yet contact your GP. There is meant to be a mental health team within maternity services who will be able to help and advise you regarding your medication etc.
How you are feeling is completely valid, but you don’t need to carry on alone with these thoughts.

@TellMeMore2020 it really does sound like you need a good talk with your DP. Hopefully he'll understand that you can't help how you feel.
I told my DP last night that I feel nothing for the baby and how different it was to how I felt with the one we lost. He didn't really have a lot to say. We've tried to chat about what is our best options but as you mentioned, our communication is weak too.
I need to tell work about the pregnancy but been putting it off in case I decide I really can't go through with it.

hi ladies I'm reading your posts and felt exactly same way .. I see it was a year ago these posts ... any tips please did thiNgs get better when baby was born ? any help needed xx appreciated

Hi @Rgyoga in case it’s helpful I started a similar thread last week. I still don’t know if it’s anxiety or real regret in my case, but people’s posts were reassuring.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/4440660-Seven-weeks-pregnant-and-still-feeling-so-flat

We had a planned pregnancy also and both me and DP had some sort of dark cloud over us for a few days to a week as if to say what have we done. TOTALLY NORMAL. Fast forward 7 weeks and we can't wait

Thankyou so much for your comments xx very helpful it's so scary when you suddenly don't know where your feelings are coming from and this dark cloud is bigger than you can carry