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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Baby gender dilemma

14 replies

Zola78 · 04/08/2007 15:02

I am 17wks pregnant with my 3rd baby. I have two boys and thought I would be ok if this new baby turned out to be another boy. But someone just said to me "I think your having another boy." and honestly my heart sank. I didn't realise how much I want a little girl. I think if I find out it's another boy I will be gutted. So now my dilemma is should I find out what I am having?

My next scan is the 4th of September!

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NotADragonOfSoup · 04/08/2007 15:04

I would find out if I were you, given how you feel. Then, should it turn out to be a boy, you can get your "mourning" out of the way leaving you to love your new son when he's born. Which you will. You'll forget any disappointment as soon as you look into his eyes

NotADragonOfSoup · 04/08/2007 15:05

Finding out will not change the outcome.

pooka · 04/08/2007 15:06

Don't find out. You won't really be disappointed once you've had him/her - you'll be in love with your new baby.

Original poster

Zola78 · 04/08/2007 15:07

I know once he or she is born I won't care and I'm sure I'll love him. But what I think I'll be mourning is never having a girl. This is our last child.

OP posts:

NotADragonOfSoup · 04/08/2007 15:09

I found out by accident that DS2 was a boy and I am glad I got my disappointment out of the way before he was born so it didn't taint his birth in any way.

totaleclipse · 04/08/2007 15:10

I think you should find out, that way if its a boy, you can and will accept it by the time of the birth, otherwise you may build your hopes to high for a girl, and when the time comes, if its a boy, and your hormones are all over the place, your disoppointment might contribute to developing PND.

jaynehater · 04/08/2007 15:10

I agree with Dragon. If you're going to feel resigned to the situation at any point, or in any way 'disappointed' it's probably best out of the way early on, then if it is another son, you can look in his wee eyes guilt free knowing any yearnings are in the past and over with. I was sure dd1 was a boy, and the scan was inconclusive, but DH said that probably meant it was a girl (male pride kicking in there?!) and lo, with that in mind, I was chuffed to bits with my lovely daughter, although I'd thought I was set on a boy. Stay healthy, - and let us know how you get on

We'll be here September 5th!

Original poster

Zola78 · 04/08/2007 20:21

Thanks Jaynehater. I am feeling a bit better. I've spent the afternoon in the garden with the boys and I am gaining a little more perspective. I still want a girl but more than anything I want a healthy happy little baby. Oh and he/she has gotta sleep through the night much sooner than the other two (lol)!

OP posts:

NotADragonOfSoup · 04/08/2007 20:30

There is no sense to this you know - I was gutted to discover DS2 was a boy (obviously loved him to bits when he arrived) and then I was gutted to find out DD was a she because I wouldn't have my Boy Gang

Peachy · 04/08/2007 20:35

I ahd 2 boys before you could get scans, when I was pg with my third I ahd a scan and (apart from helping settle worries on health issues as well that were a concern) it REALLY helped me bond and adjust to a third oy, I coudl name him, buy special outfits, icture us as a family retc. I would have that scan.

Saying that am now expecting DC4 and not sure if I wan a scan this time, after always wanting a girl I feel rather keen on the notion of an all-boy family (the tribe). The only inducement to knowing is that dh bets its a girl (different symptoms this time round- couldn't be eg my age or not working oh no LOL), and if its a biy he has to buy me a meal LOL (the reverse if he is right)

Original poster

Zola78 · 04/08/2007 20:59

notadragonofsoup I think that you are sooooo right. I must simply be hormonal.

OP posts:

youpeskykids · 04/08/2007 21:13

Zola - I know exactly how you feel and I could have read your thread. I have always wanted 3 children, never really thought about the gender mix (was hoping I'd be lucky enough to become pregnant in the first place!).

Have 2 BEAUTIFUL sons - DS1 3.7 and DS2 only 4 months. Can't believe how many people have asked me whether I am going to keep on going until I have a girl!!

Well, I had already planned to have a 3rd child to complete my family, but do feel very much like you Zola. I love my boys and they have enriched my life in so many ways. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't want a girl.

I've already decided that when the time comes, I will find out what gender the baby is so that if it is a 3rd boy, then I will have time to get used to it, embrace it, and accept that I will never be a mother to daughter. But DH and I would not tell anyone the gender so that we can keep it as a surprise for friends and family.

I don't think there is anything wrong with how you are feeling - I totally know where you're coming from.

In the meantime I am thoroughly enjoying DS2 who is SO different to DS1!

kyala · 05/08/2007 20:27

I wouldn't find out if it were me.
With my first I had my heart set on a boy and decided not to find out, and am very glad that I didn't!

It meant that finding out what the sex was wasn't an issue in amongst all the other emotions that I was feeling at the birth, if I had been in a sound state of mind when finding out I may have had a resentment of sorts (not a good thoguth to have but you have to look at it in the way of time, from your 20 week scan you will still have 20 weeks to go, will you be able to come round to the idea, I knew that I wouldn't but everyone is different!)

It comes down to the type of person that you are, if you are strong enough to bring yourself round to the idea of having another boy then it's up to you.

Also, is it really THAT necessary to know what the sex is?
We decided to find out this time because we needed to know whether or not to sell the clothes etc that we have left form last time, luckily it looks like it's another girl so we can just keep the stuff we have, but most people don't have this problem and just find out anyway, I would've preferred not to know, it's just not natural, and still not 100% anyway LOL

Hope that helps, sorry if it doesn't LOL, I blame the baby brain

hayley2u · 06/08/2007 12:43

i would find out. i have a boy and wanted a girl desperatley. so decided after lots of umming and r ing to find out because i was having awful dreams i was dissapointed if it was a boy. i found out.i found it was a girl so made up.sometimes i wish i had not found out as i would have been so happy finding it was a girl, but glad i did not because hormones are everywhere and if was a boy i was scared how i would react, although id love it either way just did not want to lok at him and be dissapointed. i hope i dont sound too heartless

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