Pregnant again after mc and terrified

[22dad2be]

Hi everyone, hope I'm welcome here as I'm a dad (to be) not a mum a few months ago we had a mc and it devestated us, I came on this forum for help back then to get me through it and I'm back again for help now. My girlfriend and I found out we are having a baby 2 days ago she is currently 5+3. So far so good she seems extremely pregnant compared to last time, she's exhausted all the time, last night we got mcdonalds and she said it all tastes terrible so her taste has changed (she was fuming about this haha) her nipples and breasts are really sore even brushing up against them sends her into a rage, I picked her up from work and she seemed really agitated over something relatively small and last night she woke up feeling sick. The list of symptoms has me thinking positive but the mc is always in the back of my mind. She went to the toilet about 5am this morning and I'm a light sleeper so It woke me up, immediately I was thinking "please be okay please be okay please be okay" and she hasn't said anything or seem upset so I assume everything was okay. My girlfriend doesn't know how paranoid about it I am, and I plan on never letting her know because that won't do her any good. But how do I deal with the fear of another mc? Our first scan is so far away :(

She seems very pregnant, so I think that's a really good sign. It must be super hard for you both, I'm sure she thinks about this a lot too? Maybe you should talk to each other about it? Also, I know a lot of women who've experienced MC, but none of them have gone through it more than the one time. I think that's most normal - to only go through an MC once, but that's no guarantee obviously. At least she's past the most crucial stage as most MCs happen at 4 weeks (often before they even know they're pregnant). You can go for an early scan too - at 6 weeks you'll be able to see a heartbeat :)

I had a MC in January and April. Currently 7+4, the furthest I’ve ever been and the worst I’ve ever felt 🤢). The fear has never gone for me but it has decreased. I still check the loo roll every time I pee, and worry about every (very normal) twinge. But it’s less than when I was 4/5 weeks.

What has helped me most is scans. I had one at 7 weeks, saw a heartbeat and reassured everything was okay so far. We will be paying for another one at about 10 weeks and then the NHS one will kick in at 12/13 weeks. It just reassured me that everything in there is okay as at this point you can’t feel moving around. I’m also taking the feeling yuck and hormonal outbursts as a good sign (but my fiancé doesn’t agree! Ha!).

Do talk with her about it though - I found talking helped me and my fiancé through each subsequent pregnancy - I realised I had more grief locked up than I thought ... as did he. So we are on the same page now which is making this easier on the both of us. Xx

We've talked about the mc a few times over the last few months, I try not to bring it up because she's really sensitive and doesn't handle emotions well and don't want to upset her. Is there a 100% guarantee that we will see a heartbreak at 6 weeks if the baby is okay? I talked to her today about booking an 8 week scan but if we can do 6 weeks I think she might prefer that. Just don't want the doctor to say they can't find a heartbeat and they us worry, only to do an internal exam and find a heartbeat, I dont think we could take that moment of panic

I think 6 weeks is a little early for a heartbeat, I saw mine at 8-9weeks, best of luck with the pregnancy

Mine was at 7 weeks, was an internal (couldn’t see well enough in an external) and could clearly see the heartbeat. It won’t be picked up by a Doppler or anything yet. I think it’s supposed to start around 6 weeks but if she ovulated or implanted later than expected then it may not be visible by your 6 weeks purely because of dates. I think 7-8 weeks is better. We were aiming for 8 but I just needed to know(!).

She’s likely to be emotional, I still cry about it now, which isn’t helped by hormones. First couple of weeks I cried whenever my fiancé looked forward and thought about the gender scan or feeling it kick or the birth etc. But sometimes that’s better out than in. It was in my experience. But you will know her better than me, obviously xx

Thanks for your reassuring messages everyone. She's just booked an appointment with the midwife for the 29th at which point she will be just under 8 weeks :)