Is it normal that I'm pregnant and as maternal as an ironing board?

[Scampynoodle]

There. That's it. I'm pregnant and have absolutely no maternal feelings whatsoever. Course, I look after myself, take the right supplements, go to appointments, think about whether the little 'un is doing OK. But when it somes to actually having, living with, a child it's like imagining myself swimming over the surface of Pluto.

In fact other people's children fill me with terror. I just walked through a park of screeching infants and nippers and that was enough to make my blood run cold.

So, as I said right at the top, is it normal to be pregnant and feel as maternal as an ironing board?

Cx

I agree with Armadillo that you don't become a different person just because you're pregnant, or indeed a mother.

I was very un-maternal when I was pregnant - maybe less so towards the end but at your stage, definitely not!

Even when I was in labour, I couldn't really get my head around the fact that I qwould have a BABY in an hour or two!

On my last day of work, I cried my eyes out on the way home, as I love my job. I went back to work 3 days a week when DS was 6 mths, and I'm much happier than being at home full time.

I adore my DS though - as our wise friend Armadillo said, I tolorate other people's kids, but mine is perfect!!

The Thor thing was cos dh wants a "strong" name so flicking through a baby name book someone gave us it was the strongest one I could find... we also wavered over Butch or Nutter

seriously Luca is #1 choice at the moment, but it is tempting! I had a friend who went to school with a Donald Duck, he wasn't a happy child so perhaps not!

In fact, that is exactly how I would describe the experience of suddenly having a new baby - swimming on the surface of pluto. You might think that getting a positive pregnancy test would lead to feeling like you want to buy loads of bizarre things in Mothercare, but I have found that it takes a good couple of years to really feel that you are a native on planet baby, and by that time you are well into the toddlerdom, which is different again.

I was never maternal either - and I'm still not very maternal now tbh. Luckily, it doesn't seem to matter too much.

And do not worry if you don't warm to other people's children - I am rubbish with other children, always will be I suspect - it's not my cup of tea at all. Mine are older now and can entertain all their little friends perfectly themselves (thank goodness!).

I loved Luca too MrsMar - dh and I spent the last few weeks of my pregnancy coming up with outrageous names and trying to convince each other that we were dead set on them . Think it must have been hormone induced madness.

foxinsocks - dh can only come up with bonkers names at the moment, Magic is another favourite of his!!! I've told him we can't name him after any footballers either, we're both from Italian backgrounds so at least the footballers would probably be Roberto (Baggio) or Fabio (Cannavaro) not Wayne!

yes, I must admit I'm sure dh had Luca in mind as a nod to Gianluca Vialla.

Tut at Magic! Tell him there's a set of girl's stories about Magic the Pony (dd is reading them!). That should put him off!

Vialli

I had luca from ER in mind when I came up with that one.. hmmmmmmmmm!! (not sure that's appropriate when talking about ones son!! )

Dh also came up with Tiger (eek!) and Valentino (as in Rossi, moto GP star - wah???!!!)

I do still find the fact that I am quite calm and normal around other peoples children now quite bizarre. Before I had my DS I would rather have jumped into a snakepit than been left alone with a child under 7.

did you ever see that film Etre et Avoir (about a French nursery/early primary school)? There was a sweet French boy called Valentin who cried for his mum. He kept saying 'maman, maman, ou est maman?' over and over again (sob). I actually love the name but probably wouldn't give it to my own child iyswim and it's one that sounds better in its own country (Valentin in France, Valentino in Italy) I reckon.

ooh Kew, I thought of you today. We went to Garsons and I thought I must remember to tell you about it because all the toddlers there were having a fab time (fruit picking). Your ds might be a tad little now but certainly next year I reckon he'd love it.

where on earth is garsons?

Esher...here it is

it's not as far away as you might think (about 10-15 mins from me, so maybe add another 15 mins for you)

the PYO farm is huge - loads of strawbs, raspberries, plums - also stuff like sweetcorn, cucumbers etc. etc.

I know what you mean, Luca is about as foreign as I think I can go (and I've got a totally foreign name), Valentino might be ok on the streets of Milan but I'd feel a bit of a plonker calling my son that on the mean streets of south London

how much longer have you got to go MrsMar?

totally normal and in fact pretty healthy imo.

stop worrying and just enjoy lots of baths, reading, lounging and peace and quiet.

Many, many years ago I was pregnant. Okay it was only a few months ago but in the befuddled haze of nappies and fatigue it feels like a lifetime ago. I distinctly remember wandering round Mothercare heavily pregnant wondering when I'd get the urge to buy such fluffy nonsense items as so carefully merchandised along the Mothercare blue/pink divide. I waited for the maternal surges to kick in, practised rubbing my tummy in that adoring, happy way I'd seen other maternal types, dear lord I even knitted. The maternal feelings that I though would hit me like a truck got held up somewhere along the M25 and all too often I just turned my back on fluffy Mothercare, wandered off and stood in a queue in Baker's Oven. Because that was the answer to everything then. Ooh Baker's Oven, aherm, so...

I have a 12wk old dd and while the maternal feelings that I have read about and seen solidified in the frankly nauseating world of disposable nappy adverts have not materialised, the powerful, protective and consuming love I have for my dd is indescribable. I can't sing 'Your Song' to her. Partly because I'm fatigued and can't remember the lyrics ("It's a little bit funny, this dum da da dee...er...wonderful life is ... dum dee tra la la" etc) but mostly because I weep when trying to get the words out. Now I always wanted to weep a bit like a Bronte heroine as I strode across a misty moor, but this new found ability is somewhat alarming. On a day to day basis between changing nappies and washing and feeding I sit and look at her. That's it. Just look. I probably sigh quite a bit too. Oh no I'm not maternal, other people's children make my teeth itch and honestly I have no clue what I'm doing from one minute to the next. But bugger maternal, the way I love her it doesn't matter because I'll find a way through it and it will be the best I can do.

You don't need maternal to do this. You don't need an ironing board either. Chuck it out, you won't have time for it.

Congratulations to you, you're going to be tremendous.

Just over 6 weeks! aarrgghhhh!!!! My sister was getting all misty eyed yesterday about my baby. I'm no expert (this being my first an' all) but I reckon being an aunt is FAB and (shhhh! whisper it) on occasions, better than being a mum!!

oh yes, the joy of being able to hand them back .

Aaah, not long then. How exciting! (tis always great fun when people you know have children - especially when you know you've had your lot!)

I must go - ds is having a nosebleed to rival all nosebleeds and I must go and tend to the wounded!

Hope the nosebleed stops! I'm quite enjoying being the last of my friends to have a baby, I've learnt so much from their mistakes hehehe!

You know, one of the things that terrified me the absolute most during my first pregnancy was the idea of turning into someone else - a besotted type who couldn't face going back to other work and could see absolutely nothing in the universe beyond her own adorable babe.

And guess what? It didn't happen. I'm still me. Me compromised, in that I cannot detach from my children emotionally, but the core of me remains.

Another one here who never felt maternal despite dd being planned and much wanted - dd now 2.5 and is the best thing thats ever happened and we're desperate for another but still other people's babies scare the life out of me. Only today I had to pick up a crying 13 week old and I was SCARED. Your own child/ren is/are a very different kettle of fish.

Hi, I've only read the OP - sorry!

I've not had this problem personally but I think everybody is very different. One of my friends made it very clear she never wanted children for many years and joked that she wasn't a big fan of most children. She started to talk about it being a possibility in recent years but we were all shocked (in a nice way) last year to find out she was pg!! All through the pg, she didn't want to talk about it and almost pretended it wasn't happening to her (apart from keeping healthy of course)! She had good reason to be fearful of the unknown as she had a few extra challenges to deal with but I have to say I know I wasn't the only one who was worried!

Now, it's like she is a different person altogether!!! She absolutely adores her lo and seems to have taken to it like a duck to water. I don't know if it was an instant thing for her or not but I guess I'm just trying to say that we are all different and cope with things in different ways. You will love your lo in your own way when he/she arrives and in your own time. Also, you don't have to be all gooey about it and turn into some sort of mummy machine.

The very fact that you're on mumsnet says something! Don't put too much pressure on yourself, you'll be great!

(when I say she's like a different person altogether, she's still the person we know and love but its just that she has adapted to being a mum way beyond what any of us expected - you'll still be you of course!).