Aibu to be upset by this?

[peoniesandrosess]

32 weeks pregnant and suffering with really bad lower back pain. I can barely move. It feels like the babies pushing on a nerve and I've been uncomfortable for days now. My DP (who isn't being so dear right now) has refused to give me a back massage to help ease some pain. I've asked him nicely so many times because I'm in agony and he's just like no. It's really upsetting me as I'm pregnant, carrying his child and he just point blank refuses to try and help the pain and it's not settling well with me.. Surely it is normal for a partner to want to ease the pain of their pregnant girlfriend?? Aibu to be hurt by this or should I not just expect a massage from him?

I don’t think your being unreasonable at all but I wouldn’t expect him to do it as his flatly refused! Does he help you in other ways? If he does I would probably try to forget the lack of massage but if he doesn’t help you at all I would be fuming. Have you tried an exercise ball or anything to see if you can get baby to shift a bit?

I’d be upset too, it’s not a lot to ask is it. If he doesn’t want to give you one then maybe he wants to gift you a professional one instead to try to ease your pain? I’d tell him he’s being an arse if I were you.

Hi, sorry you’re hurting! Don’t think you are being unreasonable at All! I would be furious and upset like you said you’re carrying his child! Don’t forget paracetamol is safe, have you got a hot water bottle or microwave heat pack, or a cold pack if that suits you better? If it’s that bad talk to your midwife about physio! Also maybe a support belt might help, an osteopath recommended the serola belt to me and it’s amazing! You may be suffering from pelvic girdle pain it’s not nice. Am sure you’ve thought of most of these things but these things have helped me, pain still there but more manageable all the best!

What's the reason he is saying no? Seems v odd, YANBU!

YANBU you poor woman, why is he like this? I'd be very upset. So sorry you have to experience that.

I remember my ex I used to have to beg him for a massage. It's just pure selfishness not to want to help you out.

Tell him "thanks a bunch" and go on strike. He can do his own washing, cooking, cleaning, and anything else that you (used to) do for him from now on. Selfish, lazy sod.

Has he said why not? My DH would probably have refused as he would be scared of hurting me more!

He's helped with other things like cleaning and making dinner and everyday things like that. I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking he's being unreasonable. I could never imagine him booking me a professional massage, he doesn't think like that unfortunately! I did have some paracetamol earlier which didn't really help much and I don't have a hot water bottle, I would ask him to go get me one but I've stormed off upstairs and told him he's a knob and can go fuck himself. I've also just remembered that the other day he got sunburn on his back so I very kindly rubbed lotion into his back because it was hurting him, which has just made me even more pissed off.

Have you spoken to your GP? I ended up self referring to physio and saw an amazing lady pre and post birth. Helped so much.

When I've asked him he's just like no or says no I'm tired (his excuse in any situation)

I haven't spoken to a professional but I am really thinking about it now with how uncomfortable I've been

Maybe he really doesn’t understand how much it hurts. (Honestly I would rather labour than have the pain I had in pregnancy again!) Maybe he’s just thinking it can’t be that bad or you would speak to a professional.
Or maybe not! Depends if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt!

I've stormed off upstairs and told him he's a knob and can go fuck himself. Well aren't you a charmer.

You have every right to be upset he won't give you a massage but he has every right to say no and doesn't deserve to be treated like this just because you're carrying his baby.

I'd be upset too, I've had the back pain and a quick massage can ease it, it's not like you're asking him for endless massages

Cut the lady some slack auntmaggie, she's heavily pregnant, extremely hormonal, in pain with a partner acting up. Now she's probably crying her eyes out on top of everything.

I actually might just book myself a pregnancy massage on his card

If you are confident it's the baby pressing on a nerve (I had that in a prior pregnancy, it was debilitating!!! But do speak to your midwife to see what she says) have a look at the spinning babies website to see if you can shift things. It worked for me, but I was only 22 weeks at that point.

she's heavily pregnant, extremely hormonal, in pain with a partner acting up so am I but I manage not to call my partner a knob and tell him to go fuck himself. No excuse for treating her partner like that and he's not "acting up" - he has every right to refuse.

Haha but he is being a knob and he ate all the chocolate biscuits this morning, Proper knob behaviour that! He's a big boy he doesn't get hurt by me calling him silly names or swearing at him!