Help...Breaking pregnancy news to Teenagers

[45andfine]

Does anyone have any advice for me before I break the news that I'm pregnant to my teenage daughters?

I'm really nervous about how to go about it, my youngest is 11, oldest 16. I've been separated from their Dad for 5 years and we don't live with my new partner, but obviously that will have to change before the baby arrives.

Not sure I can offer any advice, but do your dc know your new partner? Do they like him? I’d probably try to present the pregnancy as a part of a new family unit of you, them, dp and your baby.
And reassure them that this doesn’t change your feelings for them at all, and that you’re there for them.
And then cringe because you just know they’re imagining you and your dp doing the deed

I gave mine a card with a voucher and scan pic in they were 20, 16 & 13.
Luckily they were over the moon excited to have a baby sibling. I paid for them to come to private scan also, it help them know it was really happening.
Congratulations and good luck

Recently been through similar with daughters 11 and 14. They were shocked to say the least. It doesn’t help that 1) the babies dad has now decided he wants nothing to do with us and 2) I’m having a boy which means after all these years of their own space and own room they will eventually have to share a bedroom. Jan is certainly going to be a learning curve for sure!
We (we were together at the time!) went out for a meal and they both went to the toilet and he said I just feel like it’s the perfect time to tell them. I think they thought we were joking at the start! I’m starting to buy things now so it’s becoming more real for them. The eldest still has very little interest xx

Thank you all for your replies. I think you've reassured me that a lack of response will be normal! They don't know my dp very well, I've deliberately kept them separate which now seems like a big mistake 🙄. Live and learn!

As they do not know your DP well, do not plan on moving in together until they do and you know it will be OK all round. Yes a baby changes many things, but the care of emotional wellbeing if your elder DC shouid not be one of the. They need just as much time, and just as gradual approach as if there were no pregnancy

So I recommend you do not talk about future living arrangements round the time of breaking the news. If they ask, say you don't know and give them an opportunity to say what they think

You say you don’t live with do, but that will have to change.

How do you feel about living with him? That will be a bigger change on the family dynamics than having a baby.

Although it’s nice to have a nuclear family, in this day-and-age, you don’t have to have a live-in father. We’re you contemplating living together before the pregnancy?

My 18 year old flipped out and was so worried life was going to change forever, however now he is here she is obsessed over him and they have such a strong bond. If it doesn’t go well hopefully it can change like mine did 😊

How new is the new partner?

@winnietheWOrm thank you, you've just put into words what was swimming around somewhere in my confused mind. We've been together almost 3 years, but I think I would quite happily live separately had it not been for the baby. Kind of jumped to assuming that the two things have to happen together but they don't do they?!🙄

My SC's were 12 and 13 when DD was born. They were vaguely pleased (or hid being horrified really well). DSD was very sweet and got her Mum to help knit a cardigan for the baby.
DD is now 12, DSC's are grown up and left home and all the kids get on well and are family. It's rather lovely how they are with each other.

You don't necessarily have to live together.

Thank you All. I've done it. It didn't go well. And I didn't even mention the possibility of moving in with partner! They're just dead set against a baby. Just hoping that they'll settle as time goes on.

Argh, to be fair I don't blame them. They've had you all to themselves for a long time and with not knowing/not living with partner before this happens they won't have gotten used to a change in the family dynamic and now the biggest change is happening. Guessing this was unplanned?

@45andfine my daughters are only just coming around now. I’ve since this post found out I’m having a boy so they will eventually have to share a room. Nothing they have ever had to do before! Hopefully in time they will adjust and come round. Xx

Sorry complete lie I think I knew before I was having a boy! This thread feels like it was months ago 🤣🤣 x

My mum had a baby with my step dad when I was 13. I would say it's actually good that your dds have been honest with you about their feelings. I remember feeling really confused, upset, and like me and my sister would be squeezed out but I never mentioned it - just pretended to be happy.

I was 16 and my brother 14 when my mother had a baby with a new partner. It wasn't good as my mother put her new family first. Don't forget that you have a responsibility towards your elder kids first otherwise you might end up like my family with no contact.

Thank you, you've all put a slightly more positive spin on their reaction than I had seen. As well as an insight into what is actually going on in their heads. It must've turned their world upside down, scared is the word they've used most... As well as we don't want it! Time heals I hope.

@45andfine my daughters are only just coming around now. I’ve since this post found out I’m having a boy so they will eventually have to share a room. Nothing they have ever had to do before! Hopefully in time they will adjust and come round. Xx

So your teenagers now have to share a room, just so you can have a baby? Why on earth would you do that if you don't have the space?

Of course they're only just coming around to it! You're taking away their personal space

@rideordie my children have always shared, not sure where you got impression they didn't?! And that really isn't their issue at all. I think you missed the point.

OP that response wasn't to you, it was a different poster

DD is now 1 and we have DSS 15. We told him outright around the dinner table. It was very matter of fact, no big fuss and lots of reassurance. It may have helped that we planned to shift the house about so baby would have his room and he would move to a bigger room. We booked a 3d scan for when I was about 27 weeks which he came to which was a nice chance to bond and he found it pretty cool. He picked a toy for a 'heartbeat bear'.

Sorry I've just read your update that you've told them. DSS had mixed feelings. He knew we were thinking of a post wedding baby but apparently thought it wouldn't happen because I was too old (30!). Charming. He has found the early days difficult. I think he thought he would be doing bottles and nappies in a very film style calm way and then was confronted with sick, poo explosions and 2am screaming. Now shes 1 they both get on better. Apparently I was also a 'real bitch' when I was pregnant and the transition from me doing lots to be tired and then having to rest. I think its actually really good for teens to see pregnancy first hand. He said it was like watching biology in action and has made him realise what's really involved in looking after a baby.

@rideordie I am not expecting them to share a room right away! My baby won’t even be born until jan! And will be in my room for a good while. So do people who have babies move to bigger houses then? What about people with 5+ babies?! Sometimes circumstances beyond or control happen and you have no place to judge me whatsoever. Have a nice day x

Star Having 5+ children in a small space isn't great anyway, they need some sort of space.

And it's different for children who've always grown up with loads of siblings. To put that on a teenager after so many years is completely different.

Of course they'll resent it. They'll want their bloody space back! Not a small child in there