To tell them tonight or not?

[UterusesBeforeDuderuses]

I'm currently around 3 months pregnant with baby number 2. Our scan is next week, we've told a fair few people already but not officially 'announced it' to everyone yet.
Tonight we have friends coming round for dinner, who have been trying to conceive for coming up to a year now. I thought that we should tell them tonight, in a quick, no big deal kind of way, rather than them find out next week when we announce it after the scan. Husband isn't sure it's a good idea. What would you do?
Worth mentioning that I started showing very early this time round, and obviously I won't be drinking with dinner, so they may figure it out (they were the first to figure it out last time), so surely would be better if we just told them? I don't know. Sorry for the long post!

You are very considerate and thoughtful friend you are. Do you think they would be more upset if you kept it from them?

It's never receiving the news ( I've been the couple trying to conceive) but it's up to your friends how the deal /cope with it really. All you can do is be as sensitive as possible in how you break it to them?

Hope it goes well whatever you decide to do X

Yes I would do it now. I’m sure they would appreciate it more in person. And a week before the official announcement will show you care about their feelings

Well it depends, by 'official announcement' what do you mean? They might feel blindsided by it tonight and feel like they are having to put a brave face on or talk to you lots about it when they are feeling down about their own situation. It might be kinder to text them after the scan.

On the other hand if your official announcement is going to be some big showy affair then maybe keeping it low key tonight is better.

It's hard to know what's for the best. I text a friend who went through a MC last year when I knew she was at home with her husband. That way she could say/do what was best for her and didn't have to deal with the news when we were all together. Congratulations and enjoy the evening

No, I wouldn't tell them tonight.

Reason being, it WILL spoil her night, regardless of how gushing she is when you tell them.

They're coming out of they comfort zone into your home where they can't just really leave or take time out in another room.

I've been there, numerous times for years and it hurts. Everyone else's good news is like another kick to remind you that you can't get what you would love most in the world.

It's shit.

Various friends who have had various fertility issues have ALL said they prefer a message or quick phone call rather than face to face, or in a social gathering. It means they can cry, punch a pillow, mope, whatever they need to do in private as they digest the news then come out smiling and congratulating as required next time they see you.
I would try not to do it tonight but maybe a tactful message tomorrow along the lines of "you may have guessed last night so ..."

I wouldn't tell them in person. I would email or text later and then they'll can hide any reaction they have that isn't what they would want to show. But do tell them before you announce

Most people in your friend’s position who post about it online much prefer being told via message so they can receive and process the news without having to think about the feelings of the person delivering it. Otherwise it can be a horrible punch in the gut when you least expect it and really awful trying to manage emotions while being expected to be congratulatory, having to go the rest of the evening trying to have a nice time while emotions are all over. So I disagree strongly with the ‘I’m sure they’d rather be told in person’. And absolutely not at the beginning of an event!

Send them a message a few days before. Sure, be breezy, just wanted to let you guys know we have a little sibling for child on the way, still haven’t told everyone yet but figured this was easier than pretending to drink next week haha’ or whatever.

Sorry just seen it’s tonight so guessing you’ve already made your decision.

I’d get through tonight then message them tomorrow night or in a few days and say there were family you wanted to tell first by way of explanation.

Def DONT do it in person, please.

Text after the dinner. If you tell them before it will be hanging over them that they then have to see you. If you tell them at the dinner they are trapped.

Thank you for all your replies, I think you're right, face to face is a no no. I think we're going to leave it until we have the scan, then message them before we announce on social media or anything. Thanks for the advice! X

Hi I've been both sides of the coin having fertility issues my self and recurrent miscarriages with my current pregnancy I told my friends via message especially the ones I knew had suffered recurrent losses themselves.
I wanted to give them time to feel what ever it is they are feeling rather than face to face which for some may have been really difficult. I hope it all goes well for you x