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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Scared of being alone in the ward with the baby

37 replies

mareylu · 09/08/2019 11:14

Hi ladies,

I'm 38+1 with my first baby and I am absolutely petrified at the thought of my husband being sent home and me being left alone with baby girl in the ward overnight. I know this might not even happen, depending on when I give birth, but still, I'm more scared of this than actual labour! I know nothing about babies, how am I meant to take care of her completely on my own!?

Have anyone of you had any experience with this? Will the midwives be helpful, or will I literally be left alone with the baby? Did you manage to get any rest at all? I'm so scared!

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 09/08/2019 11:17

Don't worry - there will be staff around all night. They might be busy but they will be there on the end of a buzzer. You must be honest when you first arrive on the ward and explain you are worried and have zero experience of newborns. And DO NOT be afraid to keep buzzing if you need help.

Bumpandtoddler · 09/08/2019 11:20

Congratulations on your imminent arrival!! I had no idea that when I went onto the ward my husband would have to leave when I had my first baby, it was scary but I managed OK :) use the last couple of weeks to mentally prepare yourself, you will probably only have to do one night, fingers crossed. The midwives at my hospital mostly left me to get on with things and popped in every now and again to check if I needed painkillers, they did however take my baby into the corridor when he was restless but fed so that I could have a bit of a sleep and they brought him back for his next feed. Its an anxious time but you can do it :D just make sure you have ALL the nappies and quite a lot of spare vests and baby gros, I underestimated the requirements of the first night!

ememem84 · 09/08/2019 11:20

Agree with the above. They will help you just ask. Explain you have no experience of babies and they will show you how to eg change nappies burp etc.

xJune88 · 09/08/2019 11:22

I had no idea of how to even hold a baby when I had mine haha. I had emcs and baby went to nicu she was poorly and had 5 days of antibiotics and numerous tests. Husband was sent home and I woke up petrified. They brought me baby next evening after I'd had her and I told them I was clueless. I just pressed buzzer and staff were happy to help and patient with me. They fed her numerous times for me you will be fine xx

Original poster
mareylu · 09/08/2019 12:31

Thank you so so much for everyone's comments, they've calmed me down massively. It feels like everybody knows what they're doing and I haven't got a clue! I will be buzzing like crazy lol.

Thank you!

OP posts:
MummaGiles · 09/08/2019 12:37

I had my second baby a few weeks ago. I was in a room with a first time mum who was wheeled into the postnatal ward after visiting hours were over. Her mum and husband were allowed to stay with her for a bit but they then left her overnight. She was clearly overwhelmed, like you sound, and didn’t know what she was doing (just like I didn’t first time round) but she got so much support from the midwives overnight it was wonderful. She buzzed them loads throughout the night and they were always there for her. And don’t worry about disturbing anyone you might be sharing a room with - we are all up at points through the night feeding and it’s hard to sleep in hospital anyway. I found it comforting to hear the other mum being so well looked after because I knew that if I needed anything help was at hand. You will not be on your own - you just have to buzz for help.

Ninkaninus · 09/08/2019 12:44

In my experience it was really lovely being all by myself with my baby. Staff was around if I needed anything, and it was just calm and peaceful and cosy. Babies generally know what to do, even if you don’t! I spent the night holding her, watching her, letting her breastfeed and when she slept, having some much needed sleep.

You’ll be fine!

paap1975 · 09/08/2019 12:46

Don't worry, you won't be on your own. The staff will help you with anything you need help with.

Isadora2007 · 09/08/2019 12:49

I was 19 and hadn’t any experience of babies either. That’s kind of how you learn- being thrown in the deep end!! By the end of week 1 you’ll be a dab hand!

Putapeonyinyourpocket · 09/08/2019 12:50

Op have you checked the hospital policy, I'm in Colchester and partners are allowed to stay on the ward which was a godsend during an emergency c section, if not the midwives and health care assistants are fantastic. Good luck!

madmother1 · 09/08/2019 12:53

Please don't worry. You will learn as you go along. I hardly had anything to do with babies before. I'd never changed a nappy or fed a baby either. Don't let this spoil your previous moments with your new baby. Best of luck 😁

OrangeSwoosh · 09/08/2019 12:56

The midwives (and in most hospitals, maternity care assistants) are there to help. The ones in my hospital were fantastic. I knew more or less what I was doing (lots of nieces and nephews, much younger siblings etc) but they still checked. There were people who stayed in an extra night or two to get help with feeding (they won't send you home until you're comfortable with that) and another mum there even went back for a few days/nights after being at home to get some more support.

At the end of the day, no one really knows what they're doing, at some stage or another we are all just muddling through and looking like we know what we're doing!

I quite liked it when my husband left after visiting hours (which was loosely 9-9 for dads) and was just able to sit and stare at the amazing thing that I'd just squeezed out of places that would never be the same again 😂

Bol87 · 09/08/2019 12:57

I had a fantastic experience.. I was also very nervous & had a very traumatic labour over 3 days. I was beyond exhausted & after i’d showered and daughter fed (which they helped with) the midwives offered to watch my little one while I got a few hours sleep. I know that wouldn’t be for everyone but I just needed to sleep. They woke me up 4 hours later and asked if I was happy for them to feed her and then wheeled her back a bit later on. I got about 6 hours and I felt so much better! They continued to help me feed her & how to cup feed formula as my milk was extremely slow coming in.. they were on hand anytime. Honestly don’t worry, you’ll be in good hands!

Ninkaninus · 09/08/2019 12:57

I was 19 too and really, honestly, it wasn’t difficult at all. Nature and instinct just took over. Of course you feel a bit unsure at first but most of it really does come naturally (or did for me), and you’ll have midwives and nurses there who’ll help and give reassurance where needed. Newborn snuggles are lovely!

(Disclaimer: please remember that not everyone feels the gush of love and complete out-of-this-world happiness straightaway once baby arrives. If you don’t feel it, that’s perfectly fine and it will come with time.)

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 09/08/2019 12:58

Please don’t worry you’ll be absolutely fine and there will people to help (also my DH slept with me the entire 4 nights in hospital as did everyone else’s on my ward!) otherwise yes there will be a call button and people available all night xx

ThisHereMamaBear · 09/08/2019 13:10

The wards are so busy you will honestly be fine. I found the midwives so kind. With ds1 i must have pushed the call button at least 20 times to check about feeding etc and they were so kind

NotSoThinLizzy · 09/08/2019 13:12

I've been there had my baby at 16 and was on ward at night by myself. The midwives were great help plus newborns sleep quite alot. Its bits of cuddles feeding and cleaning but baby mostly sleeping. Hope it all goes well for you.

MindyStClaire · 09/08/2019 13:17

Ask someone who's used your hospital. The care at mine was amazing, I'd had an EMCS and the first night was told I wasn't allowed to lift the baby in or out of her cot, to press the buzzer any time I wanted to take her up or put her down, or if she needed her nappy changed. They were incredible. The baby in the bay next to me kept sicking up his feeds, I lost track of the number of bedding changes they did for his mum (same boat as me) but it was done cheerfully without complaint.

However, the hospital near where I grew up doesn't have such a good reputation - not the fault of the staff, just hugely underfunded.

If you ask someone who knows your hospital, you'll know what to expect.

Also, they'll be well used to clueless first timers (that was me) - one of my friends grabbed a midwife and asked "How do I hold it?" and my mum left me on a changing table and walked away down the hall to get something. Grin You'll be absolutely fine, all first timers learn quickly. [flowers']

RLOU30 · 09/08/2019 13:19

I had an emergency c section (placenta issue) at 37 weeks. Literally went from watching TV to holding baby in 3 hours. DP was sent home that evening and I was terrified- I needent have been it was the easy bit- a buzzer to press and help whenever I needed it. It was when I got home that the real scary shit went down 😂

RLOU30 · 09/08/2019 13:20

Sorry I meant to say congratulations and good luck you will be fine x

BibbleBrain · 09/08/2019 13:22

Have you checked your hospital’s policy. I’m London based and I suspect the maternity ward (c section recovery admittedly) depended on Dads being there!

First time he was supposed to be chucked out but wasn’t and second time rules had changed!

JemimaPuddlePeacock · 09/08/2019 13:29

If you google your maternity ward it states whether partners are allowed to stay or not, and where (for example at mine they can stay on the ward overnight and they’re actively encouraged to stay). So you may be worrying for no reason! It’s great for women to have an extra pair of hands, someone to hold baby while they snooze, someone to advocate for them if any medical issues arise and she’s exhausted, emotional support etc. We fully plan on OH being there for as long as I am unless we’re days in and don’t mind him going home for a rest.

Babdoc · 09/08/2019 13:38

OP, doesn’t your local hospital run baby care classes during pregnancy? Our midwives do various sessions on bottle and breast feeding, nappy changing, bathing, suitable clothing, choices of pram, cot, etc. It’s not rocket science, but it gives new mums the basics to boost their confidence.
If you have a straightforward vaginal delivery, you can go home after six hours, so it would just be you and the baby anyway, plus DH if he’s available.
Don’t panic! The biggest problem is the lack of sleep, the baby care itself soon becomes routine. You’ll be fine.

JemimaPuddlePeacock · 09/08/2019 13:40

I spoke to soon, i misunderstood: our actual labour ward allows partners 24/7 but the postnatal ward only between 8am and 8pm.

Also echo PP, have you done any antenatal classes? You should be going into labour with at least a theoretical grasp of the basics!

Paperyfish · 09/08/2019 13:45

Could you have a bit of practice before hand? Do you know any one with a baby that would let you have a go at dressing him or her? Or change a nappy? If not you could just familiarise your self with all the stuff. I remember looking puzzled at the nappies and not being able to figure out if the picture went at the front or back! You could try putting them on a teddy or something if you were desperate? You can’t really practice breast feeding before hand- but you could try making up a bottle or watching how to breast feed on you tube? New born a don’t want much at first anyways- you’ll be fine.