I think I am miscarrying again. My heart is breaking.

[LexiP88]

Hi, this is my first ever post here. I've read lots on here the last couple of months and it has been incredibly helpful. I'm not even sure why I am writing this, maybe for some cathartic release and to talk to people with similar experiences?

Anyway. We started ttc in May this year. On June 24th I found out I was pregnant. On June 29th when approximately 4+6 I began passing blood and clots (apologies if this is tmi). I rang the EPU who told me what I already suspected that I had miscarried. I was testing negative at this point.

Once the bleeding stopped we started trying again and on the 28th July we got another BFP. I was a ball of nerves when I was 4+6 but passed that and was beginning to think this one might stick. But then yesterday at 5+2 I noticed brown discharge. I know this isn't always a sign of miscarriage but it was how my last one began so I became very worried. Rang the EPU who said there was no point in having a scan as they wouldn't be able to see anything and that would add to my stress. They offered to see me in a couple of weeks for an early scan if things progress. I went to my GP this morn to see if they would test my hcg levels but they wouldn't again saying they don't think it would reassure me and would only stress me further. This afternoon I've noticed pinkish/red blood as I wiped and I am resigning myself to this being another miscarriage. I don't have any cramps yet but I only had mild ones with my last miscarriage.

I feel broken. I was so anxious when I got my BFP this time round I can only imagine what it will be like next time. It feels really unfair but then I feel like I am being incredibly self-indulgent thinking that as I know so many women on here and generally have had similar experiences and worse.

I've taken time off work today and my GP recommended taking the rest of the week off. I feel so guilty doing that though. I am an outreach worker at a children's centre. It's really hard working with pregnant women and new mums when going through all this but equally if I cancel my appointments there is no one else to fill in for me and they then go without and they are struggling massively too.

Very sorry you’re going through this. Only time will tell, and it’s so very hard waiting and worrying.

I recommend Prof Lesley Regan’s book on miscarriage, on the medical side, and Miscarrage Association on the emotional side.

Over time I found that my sadness and anxiety about miscarriage affected me very much day to day, and was fortunately able to afford private counselling for a time, which I found very helpful.

No advice OP but just wanted to say I know how shit it is.

Sorry you're going through this.
In terms of getting back to work, just remember you can't pour from an empty cup. Take the time you need and when you go back you will be better able to support your clients.

I hope it all turns out ok for you. I'm fortunate in that I've not experienced miscarriage, but I have had bleeding in all of my pregnancies and it turned out fine. So there is hope.

I hope for the best for you OP - light bleeding in early pregnancy is not always a bad sign but I know it’s awful being in this limbo. Hang in there x

I miscarried in October last year.
We started to try straight away and got a positive in February.
At 6 weeks like you I started to bleed. My EPAU did see me that same day. And saw a heartbeat and a little bean shape.
I’m now 29 weeks pregnant, so I know it is hard but hopefully if you only stay at spotting everything may be ok.
There are no guarantees, but wanted to know there are some times a good outcome.

@LexiP88
Im so sorry for your Loss. I know how devistating it it. I had a missed miscarrage last month at 10 weeks. I was heart broken. I am still bleeding 3 weeks after my miscarrage and had to return to my job in social services. I found it so painful to have to deal with child protection cases at work when i was dealing with the Loss.
Please take as much time off as you can get it is so easy to think of your co workers struggling / your service users. In a time like this you need to think of your own mental health and what is right for you.
I wish you every bit of luck in the future x x

How are you @LexiP88 ? Reading your post from a week ago hoping it wasn't what you thought and everything is alright x

Thanks for the messages everyone. It really means alot. Sadly my bleeding got heavier the day of my OP and I began passing big clots. So another miscarriage. I've got a scan at the EPU later this week as having some mild one side abdominal pain and they want to check I have passed everything and rule out ectopic. GP also thinks I have an infection as my urine is testing positive for that so it has been sent off to the lab for further investigation. I took the rest of the week off last week and I was glad I did.

I'm so sorry to hear this 💕 I hope you have support IRL and we're all thinking of you xxx

So sorry to hear your news, sending a big 🤗

Another update. Had a scan yesterday and had bloods taken. HCG less than one and no evidence of any tissue remaining so I have passed everything. The Sonographer told me I have a bicornuate uterus and my lining was thicker on one side. I'm wondering if this would explain the 2 miscarriages but maybe I am clutching at straws?