"Should I stay or should I go?" (cit.)

[Indecisivenr1]

Hello everybody!
I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I'll give it a go :)

My partner and I decided that we would like to start trying for a baby at the beginning of next year. We live in central London, are quite happy with our lives at the moment, but both feel that, as much as we love it, London is not the place where we would like to raise our children and grow old. We definitely want to go back to our home country (we are not British).

At first, my partner suggested that we should move back whilst TTC or at the early stages of the pregnancy. This way, I would have the full support of my family and friends during such a delicate period.

My idea would be a bit different: keeping my job throughout the pregnancy and then moving back while on maternity leave. I know it sounds a bit cinical, but this way I would have the chance to enjoy the first months with the baby, without having to worry about work. Moving back to my country, I would take up a self-employed job, which is much more dynamic than the office-based one I have in London at the moment, therefore it could be handy for me to start working when the baby will be already 6 months or so. I know this all sounds very sterile and not spontaneous at all.

I would like to kindly ask you what you think of the above, if it sounds like a plan? I know many, many couples deal with pregnancies alone, and I shouldn't whine about it. I was just wondering if anybody had the same experience (dealing with a pregnancy with zero support from family) and was happy about it, or maybe regretted it...?

All this, of course, subject to a smooth and safe pregnancy, which is not to be taken for granted (I am 31, but I have never tried to have a baby before, so I don't know if I'm going to be lucky or not). With a problematic pregnancy, no doubts I would want to be home. But this is something nobody can predict, right?

Sorry for the lengthy topic, don't know if any of what I have written makes sense, but I will be very grateful for your inputs and thoughts!

Thanks a lot,
S.

How long have you been living away from home?

New house, new baby scenario could be quite stressful imo, for all of you. Your family will likely provide support but you can't know how you'll handle being a new mum. I've read some threads on Mumsnet where new mums complain about their families being too involved . Plus there is the infrastructure element, where having a new baby involves so many different agencies and timelines regarding registration, healthcare staff, vaccination timetable, nurseries, schools...

I'm more inclined to side with your partner, especially if him gaining a job straight away is not guaranteed.

Or, perhaps an option C where you remain here until you get pregnant, then get the ball rolling with a move, since you'll have 8 months to sort it all out before birth?

Thanks a lot for your kind reply!
Option C sound like the most reasonable one TBH

We have been living away for about 2 years, and honestly we don't have much to bring back with us if we decided to go back home. We are also quite lucky, as back there I own a fully furnished apartment, and my partner would most probably start working soon afterwards.

I am mostly concerned about dealing with the pregnancy and childbirth alone and away from home: I hate hospitals, doctors, but that's obviously an issue I must face as a grown adult, I know
And what happens if something goes wrong during the pregnancy? Sorry if I sound anxious, but...the truth is that I am!

If I go back home before TTC, or at the early stages of the pregnancy, as a self-employed I won't get any maternity leave/pay and I am afraid I will not be able to work until the baby is born. Actually, I can only really start working again when the baby will be old enough to go to school (6 months?). Not a big deal, of course, but I have always been super independent, and I wouldn't really like to stay home for a year and a half.
Also, I see what you mean about families get involved: on paper, our parents are very supportive and not at all intrusive, but... you never know how becoming grandparents will impact them!