Sort of unplanned, 4 weeks and terrified I’ve already messed this up

[LazJaz]

Hi mumsnetters,
Long time listener, first time caller.
I’ve just found out I’m
Pregnant - semi unexpectedly, and my husband has just relocated, leaving me alone for a few weeks until I can join him. I need someone to talk to.
My DH and I have been married for more than 6 years and live abroad- currently in HK. I’m 32 and he is 34.
After about a year of me crying on the monthly about children but how it wasn’t the right time because we were both seeking to transition in our careers, we finally got the career transitions sorted out. He has just landed this incredible job - but it’s in London so he moved back to the U.K. last night. I work for a multinational company and sought a transfer to the U.K. part of our team. Very long story short I had to apply for my own job on the open market. I was successful but they made me break my existing contract (with overseas branch) and sign a new contract (with all London branch). Under U.K. law the new contract means I have no access to statutory rights until I’ve completed 6 months of service - but I’ve already worked for the company for more than 7 years, and in the team and role I will be going in to on my “new” contract for more than 2 years.i was totally livid of course that I had to HK through this but int he end it ended up as take it or leave it. I’ll technically start the new contract on 07 October. But... surly turns out I’m already 4 weeks pregnant (we naively believed it would probably not happen very easily... just a bit of a practice run etc 🙄) and so my due date would be around the time I would complete 6 months probabation. Under U.K. law the company doesn’t need to honour your right to maternity leave if you turn up already pregnant - you are only entitled
To mat leave if your due date falls 40 weeks after your first day in the job.

We rely on my salary despite his new job, and so we had an extremely stressful 24 hours where I felt that I would just not be able to carry on with this pregnancy because the risk of not getting mat leave or being laid off was really high, but ultimately we decided that the company has huge amount to lose if it doesn’t honour maternity leave, and that I’ll come out fighting, and perhaps most importantly of all, after spending time reading women’s stories on womenonweb.org I realised that actually were really very privileged and that we would be able to have this baby and everything will be fine - even if it’s a bit different than I had expected (but then I understand generally that having a baby is not in line with one’s expectations!)

I’m of course terrified of telling my boss, but I guess I’ll deal with whatever he and his superiors say at the time.

But- and thank you for sticking with this so far dear reader - what I’m really terrified of if whether I’ve already messed this pregnancy up. Because I was convinced I couldn’t be pregnant, I’ve lived an extremely normal life - I’ve been out and had drinks regularly (but never smashed) I’ve not been taking antenatal vitamins, I’ve been anxious and stressed as hell (about the country move and general Work stuff) I’ve not had time to exercise, I’ve put on a bit of weight (though I think due to stress and lack of exercise rather than BB) and don’t have the pre-preg bod I’d always dreamed of (ie my expectation was that I would be so incredibly health that I’d stay a size ten with a little stuck on ice cream scoop belly that only really started showing at 16 weeks ... lol!)

I know I’m over reacting and must read like an absolute paranoid hypochondriac idiot, and that there is still every chance that this may not be a viable pregnancy for goodness sakes (can’t go for a scan yet of course) but just right now I’m terrified and I really would love for some more experienced mumsnetters to share their wisdom so I don’t go mad.

Now my husband is back in the UK (6 weeks until I join him) there isn’t anyone I can share this with. I don’t want to freak him out while he is starting his new job, I don’t want to let my mum know yet, and of course it’s far too early to tell anyone else IRL.

Thank you for reading this, and thank you for anything you may have to say in response

Gosh so many typos.... first time caller learning - use the preview function!

Don't worry. A few drinks before you know you're pregnant is normal. I did with my first and she turned out awesome. I was also enormously stressed the whole time. Babies are resilient.

Deep breath. Firstly I think you've misinterpreted the guidance. If you have a contract with a company, you are entitled to 52 weeks' maternity leave. It doesn't matter when you contract started. What you are not entitled to is statutory maternity PAY (and likely any additional pay offered by your company). You will likely be entitled to Maternity Allowance though, which is paid at the same rate as SMP (not a huge amount).

As for the rest of it, you won't have done any damage whatsoever to the pregnancy. Babies are incredibly hardy. Congratulations!

Surely the baby is more important than whether or not you get maternity leave!

I had a few drinks with my first as I didn’t know I was pregnant. If you have a good diet you should be etting enoughvitamins from that so I wouldn’t worry.

Thanks all - so hugely helpful! @Bowerbird5 you’re absolutely right that the baby is more important than whether i’ll get leave/SMP - and we’re fortunate enough to be in a position where either of these are a bonus (that I’ll fight for if necessary) but not a show stopper. I know not all couples have this privilege, and feel hugely fortunate to be in this position.

Thanks mumnetters - your messages have stopped me waking around HK in floods of tears today, am i’m feeling less alone, less guilty already.

@PhoenixBuchanan thanks so much for being the first person to congratulate me!

It might be worth spending an hour with a family lawyer (English law qualified) to check what your rights are. You might have signed a new contract but that cannot override your statutory rights.

Sorry, that should say employment lawyer!

Firstly, congratulations!
I firmly agree with the employment lawyer point. Go on recommendation to find a good one. Likely someone who has corporate employment law experience.
Based on my ‘some’ experience of UK employment law, getting a new contract (eg for a promotion etc) does not cause a break in service and so if you have been with the company for 7 years then that is that.
Local variations are however quite typical in multinationals for maternity leave packages so once you are ready to talk to work about it, are worth getting clear on.
Similarly, depending on local employment law, the employment rights for you as an expectant mother will also vary and will also have a likely impact on the company’s risk appetite on how they treat you.
Good luck!

Hi OP, I'd just transferred and started a new contract within my organisation when I found out I was pregnant much much quicker than we planned much like you, not a multinational but very similar set up. New role, new team, new sub department (government ministry). My Union advised me that I'd been contracted to the same organisation regardless of branch/sub department/role and would be entitled to the full enhanced maternity package. I was and am on it now, so don't panic you might get the enhanced package. If you have a union to speak to they might be able to reassure you, if not acas can be very helpful. Congratulations!

IT WILL BE FINE.
As you say, you are most likely living at an income level which puts you in a much easier place than many who manage, and you sound like someone who has the grit and wherewithal to make things work, so you will!

Re maternity allowance, you do need to have been paying national insurance, which you presumably haven't as you are resident in HK for tax purposes? You will probably still get some, but not necessarily the full amount.

Try not to let your mind race ahead too much, and I absolutely second having a little chat with an employment lawyer.
Congratulations!

Thanks everyone - all your messages have been really helpful and encouraging. I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply!