Just pregnant. Docs tomorrow.

[Taxicus]

Just found out I'm preg. (first time) I've got a Drs appt tomorrow (rarely go to dr and it was for something unrelated) and I'm already really worried about telling her.

Has anyone else had similar feelings?

There are a few things that are making me frightened. I'm worried that once I'm in the nhs system I'll be herded along and get confused about whats mandetory and what are my choices. I've always known I'd want a home birth or similar if possible. I'm not even sure I want scans (pretty sure my mum never had them) I mean, isn't pregnancy and birth a natural process? the constant monitoring and medicalisation of it is what frightens me somewhat. I know you're all going to think I'm batshit for this. I get it, most of you are dead excited for appointments etc but if something's wrong I'm not sure we'll want to know. I don't want the medical fuss that will make my mind ask questions, I want to stay grounded and worry only when theres something to worry about. I want to trust my body and intuition.

I'm also aware that there's a chance saying this to a dr will make them think I'm in camp crazy and then they'll put a black mark against me as a dissenter.

It doesn't help that the way we live will be judged to be unconventional. I have some friends who have had babies that would also be considered to have/to be taking the path less worn, so I could potentially get support there and ask them what they did.. but I'm not really ready to break the news there yet as it's such early days. Ideally would like both an independant midwife that we choose and a doula but not sure we'll be able to afford it.

Firstly, you get the ultimate say in how and where you birth. They can advise but ultimately you decide.

Secondly, scans and appointments are there for a reason-to prevent problems. To save that little something wrong becoming serious and resulting in a possible lost child.

I think you need to find the balance and calm down a little-it comes across as you are catastrophising and not thinking totally rationally. You’ve got months yet!

Nothing is mandatory- they can’t force you to attend appointments and have scans if you don’t want them at the end of the day. I would just make sure you’re informed as possible about what these appointments all involve and why they’re deemed beneficial so you can make an informed decision about whether you want to make do without them - you’ve got a baby to think about as well as yourself. Doing things the ‘natural’ way is all well and good as long as you and baby are doing fine, but complications can happen to anyone and certain appointments (especially the ones where your blood pressure is checked, bloods and urine samples taken) will help to prevent them.

Hello both. Thankyou. Yes, totally recognise your very salient points. Yes, obvs recognise it's not just about me and my health here.

I think I'll take it as it comes tomorrow. All for prevention of problems. Not so into having tests to determines if somethings wrong that theres literally nothing anyone could do about anyway.

Going Pixies route. I'm into being informed about "why" stuff is advised, important and beneficial to make a decision rather than it be assumed I'll be signed up for everything. Think honestly this truthfully all circumnavigates that I'm slightly nervous that they'll flag that we live unconventionally and we will be judged. Just because we're not the norm doesn't mean we're irresponsible.

Realise this is all very early, may not come to term etc etc... being irrational. If irrational I am, so be it.

Are you sure you're as 'not the norm' as you think you are? Are you talking about being anti-vaccinations?

It will be the midwife who does your 'booking in' appointment who will chat through everything with you and give you information about the scans and tests that are available.

There are conditions picked up on scans that can be treated before the baby is born. By choosing not to have scans you would be losing the opportunity to look after yourself and the baby as fully as possible. That might be the path you choose to take but I know I would want to discuss things with the midwife so that my choices were fully informed.

You don’t to tell your doctor tomorrow unless they are likely to give you medication that isn’t safe in pregnancy. You don’t need a doctors appointment when you get pregnant, you just need a midwife one around 8 weeks.

Ultimately, how you have your baby & give birth is your choice. But please remember, just because they didn’t used to scan people in the ‘old days’, doesn’t mean it’s wrong now. We’ve advanced in medical science (thank god). Just like I never had a car seat as a baby in the 80’s, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use them now! Life moves on and safety improves! Scanning & input from midwives & doctors has been developed for both baby & mum safety, childbirth used to be life threatening, thousands died. These days, it’s fairly rare.

Neither me nor my daughter would be here without the NHS. I had HG and required numerous trips to hospital for fluids. My organs had started to fail on one occasion. I was severely anaemic & required an iron transfusion. My daughter got her arm stuck during labour & I was rushed for emergency surgery to save her life. I had a severe postpartum bleed, rushed back to surgery. Saved my life.

I didn’t plan any of it. I naively thought I’d have a lovely, glowing pregnancy & hypnobirth in birthing pool. Reality was starkly different. And I could not be more grateful for the care I received from fantastic, caring NHS staff. When I cried tears of fear, they held my hand. When I couldn’t stop being sick, they found me a private room. The midwife who’d supported me through the first 12 hours of labour came into work early the next morning to see how I was & meet my baby. My wonderful GP visited me in hospital twice, once when in for HG and after I gave birth.

Now my story is just one. Plenty have much lovelier pregnancy & birth stories than me! I have friends who’ve had wonderful homebirths. Friends who sailed through pregnancy & labour. No-one can predict your story.

But consider your options. You can have minimal intervention if that’s your desire but don’t push the midwives away or think they aren’t there to help you. They are not monsters. They are there to help & ensure you & your baby are safe and well at the end of 9 months.

Can you tell us more about how you live ‘unconventionally’? (I’m not judgy, just interested.)

Nothing is mandatory. When i was at my booking in appointment (at 8 weeks) my midwife went through what would happen at my 12week scan and what testing would be available (downs, edwards and pataus). She told me that if I dont want the tests then thats fine and I can basically just throw away the blood test form. I am still undecided whether I will have the test as it wouldnt matter to me what the outcome is as I will be continuing this pregnancy regardless.

Also i am expecting twins and my midwife still said its ultimately up to me where I give birth and I could opt for a home birth if I really wanted to. I am going to have a hospital birth just because of added complications with twins but just shows they wont push you a certain way if you dont want to.

Woah, slow down! It's highly unlikely that anything remotely like 'herding' will happen tomorrow. In fact, nothing at all is likely to happen. You'll probably be told to call and book in with the midwife at 8 weeks or so. Nothing much will happen there either. You'll be offered scans at 12 and 20 weeks so you've a while to go before you even need to discuss these things with a health care professional. I'd just take each bit as it comes and look into each scan/test and procedure individually.

I personally didn't feel like there was loads of unnecessary intervention with my - admittedly straightforward - pregnancies and births. I was actively encouraged to have home births in fact. Try and go into this with a positive frame of mind, not as if you're preparing for battle over interventions that may not even happen! Your midwives may be amazing for all you know.

If nothing else I would recommend attending the 12 week scan purely for dating purposes. Also, I think it's important to know if it is a multiple pregnancy.

Regarding a GP appointment, you don't actually need one unless there's something medically that you're concerned about. You can self refer directly to a midwife. The first appointment is a long appointment with a lot of questions where they decide what pathway of care would be best for you and why. Of course that's your opportunity to discuss your preferences and intentions with the midwife.

If the GP has no concerns about you being preganant (any medical issues you may be dealing with for example) they're not going to say or do much. They may possibly confirm the pregnancy but more likely they'll congratulate you and refer you to a midwife.

Good luck

I'd be dead if my DM hadn't had scans, and likely so would she.

Also agree with @Marvinmarvinson, for low risk pregnancies, there isn't much medical intervention at all. 2 scans, a few blood tests and a whooping cough vaccination if you accept it. In the space of 9 months it's not a lot. Of course it's all still your choice as to the care you choose to accept.

Hey congratulations and calm down! Noone will see you as crazy. I do see you as a bit stand off ish though - it's your choice to calm down. Noone is out to get you.

Wanting a home birth and minimal medical intervention isn't as unusual or unconventional as you think - your doctor will have experienced it before, I'm sure. Personally I wouldn't miss the important scans as they can identify issues that CAN be addressed but ultimately it's up to you.

There is nothing compulsory about anything to do with your pregnancy or labour. You just need to register the birth.

if something's wrong I'm not sure we'll want to know

If I had had a scan or monitoring on a particular couple of days of my pregnancy, my child would have lived rather than died. She would have lived because as a result of that monitoring she would have been delivered straightaway. Why would you want to actively go out of your way to prevent having such an option available to you?

You can choose as much or as little intervention as you want but please don't reject it with out careful consideration for both your life and baby's.
Scans are vital, at best you get to see a happy health baby and its a great experience. However sometimes issues can be found that can be easily corrected or planned for at birth that can save lives.
I've been pregnant 3 times. Both me and my son nearly died due to pre eclampsia 3 years ago. With the condition I was in I would have been dead in 12 hours from onset of illness. We are here due to scans.
Also in my last pregnancy I had a missed miscarriage that my body didn't react to at all. I eventually would have turned septic and died if I didn't have a scan.
I don't want to scare you but the NHS is stretched as it is so they only offer what is deemed necessary so there is no herding as you seem to believe, plus along as your pregnancy is straight forward there is no reason to assume you can't have a home birth

No, not talking about any one fixed position on any particular topic that would put me outside the norm. Though pretty confident when I say our lifestyle would be considered unconventional, appreciate it's curiosity Pix rather than judgement but opening up online does invariably invite both.

I will say I was outright told by a colleague when we married that we'd need to change everything about the way we choose to live if we ever had children. They were not alone in their opinion. I respect their position but fundamentally disagree.

Bol87, thankyou, that actually was very generous and helpful for me. Specifically because you've given me a very detailed and deep insight into your own experiences and story for me to sit with.

needanapp, arghhh. Your posts have both been imeasurably helpful and given me some needed perspective. I'm not good at social system process type stuff so knowing what to expect is really helpful. I feel much more prepared knowing what the lay of the land will be.

I don't know why I thought they'd throw a net over me as soon as I crossed the gps threshold and sign me up for god knows what hehe.. but I kind of did

Hope I've at least given some of you a giggle. Ye gads.

You always have choices OP.
The one thing I will is that although it’s a natural process I have learned from experience that instinct doesn’t always tell you much.
And also they test for problems they CAN do something about as well as those they can’t.

Personally I think writing off all medical care is a little reckless but obviously it’s your call.

Fair enough @Taxicus. I can imagine it’s not easy when people like you’re colleague say things like that to you, no wonder you’re nervous about your appointment. But from my own experience, midwives and other healthcare professionals involved in your pregnancy and birth experience are keen to make you feel at ease and in control, your opinions and feelings are definitely very important and valid to them. I hope you have a great experience! And congrats

I agree with pp that I would at least go for the 12 week scan just to find out if any multiples are there or anything else. Also 20 weeks they check that your placenta isn't blocking the way out for labout. And an appointment near the end of your pregnacy just to make sure baby is in the right position for labour.

I think in the UK we have a minimising risk medical model. Little intervention unless warranted. Very different from USA.

You don’t to tell your doctor tomorrow unless they are likely to give you medication that isn’t safe in pregnancy. You don’t need a doctors appointment when you get pregnant, you just need a midwife one around 8 weeks.

This isn't true everywhere - I've just found out I'm pregnant and have a GP appointment tomorrow to get referred to maternity services. I would've quite happily self referred to the midwife, but it's not an option in my area/surgery (not sure which).

OP, first of all, congratulations.

Agree with what others have said, there is very little intervention in a healthy pregnancy. I had NHS care and did NHS hypnobirthing classes, my hospital had a MLU which has a fantastic reputation locally, I could've had an NHS home birth.

The scans, urine tests etc can flag up problems early, which means they can be fixed before they become serious. For example, if you have gestational diabetes, best to know, watch your diet and stay healthy rather than continue unaware.

I was surprised at the extent to which my opinion was considered within the NHS. I ended up with a failed induction and EMCS (actually a brilliant experience, just to give a rare positive spin to that story!). The date of my induction was moved up a few times, but I was always consulted and could've said no at any time. I was offered induction or ELCS on the day due to the size of the baby, when I said I'd rather try the induction they were completely supportive.

The NHS pregnancy website is actually very good with comprehensive information about the appointments and tests offered. I'd recommend you have a good read of it so you know what you're comfortable with and why. But please don't dismiss anything out of hand, weigh up the information.

You should also research what services are available in your area. Don't rule out a MLU if you have one, they're brilliant for straight forward births.

But you don't need to do any of this today or tomorrow. Go to the GP, get referred to the midwives. Unless you have health conditions, it'll be a very straight forward appointment.

Firstly congratulations! I do think pregnancies and births have become more medicalised but there are options to minimise this, such as home births and midwife led delivery units. Medical intervention in pregnancy isn't all bad though and I don't think your intuition alone is enough to keep you and your baby safe. Besides what would you do if, say in your third trimester, your intuition told you baby had reduced movements? Mother's intuition is very important in that case but it's pointless unless you follow it up by being checked out by medical professionals.

I'd be wary that refusing any medical support and not attending appointments or scans could raise some safeguarding flags and questions. Chances are you will sail through pregnancy with no issues, you can refuse any additional testing and have the birth of your choice with a doula and independent midwife. There is always the chance though that things could go a little off track and that's why we have check ups and scans. Simply thinking naively that you don't want medical fuss is all very well until you or you baby are in a dangerous position and urgently need that medical fuss. Like all things, modern advances bring problems as well as solutions but there's a reason that rates of maternal and infant death have gone down through history. I'd advise you to speak to your midwife about your anxieties and the options you have to reduce intervention. Going it completely alone though sounds like a risk too far.

I had a low lying placenta (identified at 20 week scan), pre eclampsia, baby in distress, infection, emergency c-section with DS1. It was like pregnancy complication bingo! These things happen. Not being monitored could have had serious implications for both me and DS1 (who is now a strapping, chatty 3 yo).

I think there is a fear that scans etc are all about identifying problems with the baby and making choices about that but I would say that's only part of it and you can decline the trisomy screening. If your baby has a heart condition for example the best chance of baby doing well might be to be born in a specialist unit so that treatment can be immediate.

They can't force you to do anything and if the pregnancy is low risk and straightforward then you don't actually have much intervention at all.

You're absolutely right that pregnancy and birth is a natural process. But it's also true that many more women and babies used to die or face injury before birth was medicalised.

There is a balance to be struck. You're absolutely entitled to decide how much care you want, and of what kind. If you have a healthy pregnancy and aren't at risk of complications there's no reason why you shouldn't give birth at home. You don't have to attend scans if you don't want them. But it would be worth researching them so you know what they are for, and feel that your decision is informed. You may decide it's worth attending some for the peace of mind that everything is as it should be.

There is loads of information about different pregnancy care and birth options online - do some research, and make the decisions that feel right for you and your baby.

Hopefully that way you can have a safe and healthy pregnancy which you enjoy