Pregnancy making me a crap mum

[thetinytyrantsmother]

Hi all. I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant with dc no.2 and I feel awful. I already have dd aged 2 and I just can't deal with day to day tasks atm.

Morning sickness seems to be getting worse, not better. I'm on cyclizine but they're not working anymore. Due to see midwife next week so hoping they can try me on something else. I also suffered badly with PND and anxiety and although I'm still on my meds, my anxiety is starting to make a come back. Some days fear just overwhelms me.

Dd spends 2 days a week at nursery and 1 with GPs, and her dad is here of an evening and weekends but on the 2 days it's just us I feel I'm failing her. I tend to just camp out in the living room with her, tv on and toys everywhere. I don't think she's had a proper hot lunch in weeks, it's mostly been sandwiches, carrot sticks and dips, anything that doesn't require me to switch the oven on. I do make sure she still has fruit and veg but I just feel awful on her. The mum guilt is strong. I take her out on my good days but they seem to be few and far apart lately.

Don't know what I'm after here really, maybe just some reassurance it will get better?

Thanks if you managed to the end

@thetinytyrantsmother- don't be so hard on yourself. Pregnancy is tough physically and emotionally. I’m 20 weeks with my first and have suffered from anxiety. Just remember anxiety is thoughts and thoughts can not hurt you!

If you feel you need extra help or support please visit your GP.

My anxiety has got better but that’s because I’ve now got a better understand of it and what it actually is which has taken the fear away. I’ve got a book called “Anxiety, a life at last” and it has helped me a lot and always refer to it when having a bad moment.

Happy to chat if you need 💜

I’m 34 weeks with number two and number one is nearly three. I’ve had awful sickness all the way through and was in hospital at one point on a drip for dehydration. I literally have no energy to do anything with him. Every dry day, I’ve fired him out the back to play and if it’s wet, he gets the tv on and just drags all his toys out. I feel terrible for not doing anything with him as I had so many plans for the summer and they’ve all come to nothing. He does all the fun stuff on dad’s days off. I know I’ll feel better once the baby is born and he won’t remember the rubbish summer he’s had but I still feel for him.

You are not alone OP. I’m only 7 weeks & I feel like a dreadful mum.. sickness hit badly at 6 weeks & I feel so poorly I’m on ondanestron which is stopping the throwing up with not the nausea, I feel like I need to throw up all day long.

My daughter goes to nursery twice too & one day with my parents..I know she has lots of fun & attention there at least! On my days, it’s been the TV and all her toys. Or sometimes a few extra hours with my mum! My other half has been fantastic with her at the weekends, taking her out & having fun but I feel so crappy I’m not there .. she always asks for me to come with her & it breaks my heart to see her disappointed face. I know she won’t remember but I’m also aware there’s now only so long left just me & her and I want to enjoy it!

It’s a tough one. Can only hope the sickness subsides soon for you OP. Last time mine started to ease at 16 weeks to the point I could function fairly normally by 20 weeks.. it’s the only thing getting me through, I’ve pinned 20 weeks on my calendar & counting down as if it’s to going on holiday

I feel that way with my 2 year old and my patience isn’t what I’d like it to be. I’m just trying to reassure myself that it’ll get better and she’ll enjoy having a sibling (at some point!)

Sorry you's are all in the same boat but it's nice to know I'm not alone! I had a terrible pregnancy with dd but I had the time to just laze about and do nothing on days off, unfortunately there's no such luxury with a 2 year old!

Hoping we all feel better soon. Dp has just dressed dd in her puddle suit and took her for an 'adventure'. There's so many things that need doing round the house but I'm flat out on the couch with a rehydration solution and a plain cracker. Oh the joys of pregnancy

@Bol87 I know what you mean about not having long left, it's a weird kind of grieving for me. I know realistically she won't even remember this time but I feel like I only have until January to make the most of my time with her before I have to split it and it hurts my heart a bit. She's such a mummy's girl lately and when we're not in the middle of a terrible twos tantrum she's the most loving and wonderful little girl. I hate feeling like I'm letting her down but I know it's not as big as I make it out in my head. Stupid anxiety loves to make me feel awful.

I feel your pain. I'm almost 16 weeks with DC2 and DD is almost 3. To make it even worse, I had a few days last week when I felt well and thought it had passed. Oh no, back with a vengeance! I have so many things that I want to do over the summer and I already know they wont actually happen. And I'm definitely lacking in patience too.

@NeverADullMomen welcome to the party

Definitely know what you mean about the lack of patience, I feel awful afterwards but toddlers push buttons at the best of times! We're slap bang in the middle of potty training and I know it doesn't help to not be patient but oh my god, I am at the end of my tether. Dd running round naked and doing a wee NEXT to the potty then laughing is driving me bonkers! On the other hand, I don't think my floors have ever been so clean, even if the rest of the house does look like a bomb site

I too feel like a bad mum. I'm 30wks pregnant and some days are better than others but I'm generally just exhausted after I get home from work and the TV has been a massive babysitter for me Luckily DP is really helpful and will give DS a bath & put him to bed. At a weekend, he'll take him out if I'm tired but the result is that DS now goes to his dad a lot more than me & often wants 'daddy hugs' not mummy. That's a bit heart breaking.
What I have started to do is to give DS 10mins focused play and then I'll go back and rest. I know it's really not much but sometimes it's all I can physically & emotionally cope with.
Makes me feel a little better that I'm not the only one!

10 minutes sounds like a good idea, that's probably enough to be fair as DD still has the attention span of a gnat!! She also asks for daddy a lot more which is a bit gutting. He is definitely the fun one at the moment.

How we all doing today? I haven't actually thrown up today so counting that as a small win!

Dd had 2 year check up and they've agreed she's behind with her attention and listening which I knew but feeling the mum guilt x 10. Her cousin has come for the day and he's as good as gold and is keeping her entertained so I don't feel too bad about lying on the couch. His mum even packed a packed lunch for them both so they've happily munched away with little effort from me. It's definitely the little things!

Hoping your day isn't too challenging!

It definitely is the little things, I celebrated this morning because I fancied a cup of tea and haven't wanted one for about 3 months! Woo woo!! How to get rid of my headache and all will be well. Glad you are winning today too

Just thought I'd join in as I feel like irl I'm judged if I say I hate pregnancy. I also have mum guilt as DD 5 wants me to herself to play when DS 22 months has a nap but I just feel so nauseated and tired I just can't. I'm taking cyclizine which doesn't help as it seems tto make me more drowsy, add in headaches and insomnia at night and I'm pretty much a zombie! I'm only 6 weeks and although I'm happy to be having a 3rd, I hate how crap pregnancy makes me feel and what a crap mum it turns me into. Just wanted to say for anyone who is very anxious/depressed please do speak to your midwife or GP, don't think that part of being a mum has to mean feeling like that, as it doesn't have to

Honestly, don't be too hard on yourself. Two days at home with mummy watching TV, playing with her toys and eating sandwiches and snacks is absolutely fine. She has five other days in the week to be entertained and worn out. On the days when you do feel better (and they will come) you can take her to the park and make her something hot to eat. But seriously, you have loads going on at the moment - as long as your daughter is fed, clothed and content she really doesn't need to be wow'd by new experiences every day. Sometimes home comforts are just as nice.

@NeverADullMomen hope your cup of tea was everything you dreamt of 

@sprite25 ahh welcome!! No judgement here, I absolutely hate pregnancy!! I always wanted a big family but honestly think I will be sticking to 2 as I just can't handle pregnancy at all, it turns me in to a pale, sleep deprived, nauseous zombie. How long have you been on cyclizine for? I found they worked at first but they did knock me out. I'm about a month in now and although they can stop the vomiting the constant nausea is still there. The only upside is they still make me drowsy so I can sleep through the nausea

Thank you @LolaLollypop, today has been a better day. We managed to walk to the local shop but watching her run along and browse the aisles with her little serious face was just lovely to break the day up. I think sometimes the feeling that you should be doing more gets in your head even though realistically I know, she probably won't even remember any of this

@thetinytyrantsmother I'm sitting through a 90min Peppa marathon at the moment with my little girl. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and suffering with a cold. I know we SHOULD do something more self-fulfilling but.... oh well. She's happy!

Yes please dont be too hard on yourself, i think most of us feel like this second or more time around!

I recently read some research that said pregnancy endurance was similar or higher than marathon runners! Youre very busy inside- take it easy xx

@thetinytyrantsmother I'm the same, always wanted a bunch of the little buggers running around but each time I'm reminded what hell we have to go through and that's when we've only just started! I've only had the cyclizine a couple of days but I had them in my previous pregnancies too so as soon as I start feeling nauseous they give them to me straight away. I keep looking at the house thinking what a state it is, then my brain goes 'no, you don't want to get off your arse, it's all too much effort' 😂

@LolaLollypop oh god, you have my sympathy! I never thought I'd miss peppa pig but we've moved on to paw patrol in this house and I'm missing grampy rabbit. Also convinced that Mrs Rabbit is working the system somehow. Coming up with wild theories is the only way I can get through these shows

@mollyblack ahh thank you, it's nice to know I'm not the only one! Dp is home now and since DD has already been bathed, dressed and fed today, I'm switching off for the night with no guilt whatsoever

@sprite25 it's ridiculous isn't it and I think we seem to forget! Me and dp we're still living with my dm when pregnant the first time and he has a picture of my with my head down the toilet and dm's dogs sat on my knee at about 4 in the morning. It was meant to be insurance in case I was ever stupid enough to say I wanted another baby. My dm went on holiday for two weeks and the dogs came to stay recently. We have managed to completely recreate the picture 😂 I even have the same bath mat dm had at the time!

My house has completely gone to shit. I got a burst of energy about 10pm last night and decided to sort the drawers under my bed out. Safe to say it lasted all of 10 minutes and now looks like a bomb has gone off in my room

Hi all just coming on here to have a bit of a whinge, DH is away at work all day today and night so won't be back till tomorrow morning. Nausea has hit hard today and I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of needing to run to the bathroom, but I'm scared of being sick as then I'll feel sick cos of an empty stomach and it will just be a cycle. It's not even 9am yet and I'm already dreading the thought of having to entertain the kids by myself all day when I just want to lay down and be pathetic

I'm 20 weeks and STILL have morning sickness. Your lunches sound like what my toddler has all the time anyway! It's too hot for cooked lunches. I do feel guilty if I can't cook a decent tea though.

I find ourselves watching TV a lot during the morning (when sickness is worst) so it's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one.