Ive no idea how to even get my head around this.
im 20 and hes 29 i feel like our age difference must come into play, we're at completely differenty stages in life.
Our relationship wasnt the best, not like any other relationship ive had. we were rarely intimate with eachother, barely spoke to eachother, hes always on his phone or watching tv, even just sleeping instead of sitting up with me. Even having a conversation with him is difficult hes barely listening and when he responds I can always tell its a half hearted response or even a response 5 minutes later when he realises ive been speaking to him and he ignored me and now ive got the hump.
I have been away for the weekend for my cousins birthday party and I went round to see him today within even 20 minutes of seeing him Im already being asked whats for dinner and can you help me tidy up. I came back to thursdays washing up and even more washing up piled in the kitchen, the whole flat a state. I was annoyed, sat on the sofa upset he never notices any of the effort i go to, curling my hair doing my make up wearing a new dress instead its always ' help me tidy up or whats for dinner, what are we having for dinner'
He was sat on the sofa talking about painting his flat, I was sat on my phone and he says to me 'I have the most boring girlfriend in the world cant even have a conversation'. So i left, I had bought him an aftershave on my weekend away i left it on the sofa picked up my shoes and was waiting outside for a taxi when he shouted out his bathroom window asking me if i had left him his money i withdrew from the cashpoint and said to me 'i think ill call it quits with you'
After i had left he texts me saying he doesnt want a relationship thats hard work? and that he cant speak to me about anything. He loves me cause im having his child, theres nothing there anymore when we see eachother.
We've never been close, never really shared anything with eachother. Im not very outgoing person i keep myself to myself.
I know that im part to blame for our communication but i feel like he wouldnt be able to relate to anything im feeling anyway his first response to anything i say is 'youre so neggy. why are you being so neggy'
whenever i have tried talking to him in the past im usually just ignored for his phone or ignored for the tv or just ignored fullstop whilst he sleeps. Recenlty weve argued because he came home drunk from work was sick and went straight to sleep, when i tried getting into bed he told me to f* off. I was upset not that he came home from work in a state but because i had waited for him all day to come home and i was just sat there bored on my own with our bump he didnt even care. didnt even apologise.
Im heartbroken i feel like i go to all this effort for him for nothing. theres nothing i can do to make it work. the only time we do get along is if im putting in 200% effort and making first date small talk with him all the time and running around catering to his every whim and desire.
I do love him, i have no idea why. I feel like ive ruined my life for him, having a baby at such a young age im not ready for a baby ive not long gotten my head around having a baby and as much as i love my unborn now i was pretty sure i was only doing it for him. Now all this has happened. I have no idea how im going to cope. i have my mum who i love so much but i know what raising my child will be like i wont have my freedom to bring him up how i want it will be her way. but i need the support i cant do it on my own.
but even with him it feels like there is no support just the comfort of knowing hes there.
everything is just such a mess. keeps getting worse. how can i fix my life?