breaking the news...

[mumof3plusbean]

So me and OH are expecting baby number 4 on 26th march. it is an unexpected, unplanned but much wanted bfp. We are both quite excited after the inital shock.
My problem is my sister, she has been trying for a baby for 8 years, failed ivfs and really down at the moment facing the prospect of not having a child, she is 42.
She knew we weren't planning any more babies and I have no idea how to even tell her our news. I know she will be gutted and it is going to hurt her, and I feel so so bad as does OH. she was both our first thoughts when we found out. Any advice?

All you can do is tell her. It's awful she's struggled so much, but you aren't responsible for how she reacts. Just try to be as understanding as possible, within reason, of course.

As someone who has been on that side of having friends and family conceive when I couldn’t, I would say to tell her on the phone when she’s at home. This allows her space to feel all those emotions without having to do it in front of you and she can process it in her own way in a safe environment. And then give her a day or so to process it. She will feel every emotion but she will get her head around it and will come around and be delighted for you. X

I think give her the news and then allow her space. She might not want to see you much during your pregnancy but you need to let this happen and be kind and leave the door open for her. She will be going through hell right now and I know you will want her to be happy for you, but that might not override her sadness that she can’t have the thing you seem to get so easily.

Gosh I really feel for your sister. It must be so hard for her. I would break it as gently as possible. You're entitled to be happy just as she is entitled to feel a little bit sad.

thanks all, I have comforted her when she was upset about various close friends etc announcing pregnancys and I just feel so crap that I am going to cause her pain.
I wish we could do it together, heres hoping.
I am going to wait untill past 12 weeks to tell her.

I think you sound like you have the empathy and kindness to be the best she could have in this situation. I’m really sorry you are going through this. For what it’s worth, I had the same and my sister was really kind when I told her, and said that she was just pleased that I never had to experience what she did. I didn’t really see her much during my pregnancy, and she didn’t want to see my daughter when she was tiny, but absolutely adores her now. It was really worth being patient and understanding as she’s been amazing with my daughter since.

We sent my sil a letter to tell her the news in similar circumstances to save her having to respond immediately /put on a brave face. She was really touched with how sensitive we were.