Does anyone else find this whole birth business utterly confusing??

[Sarahjct]

Hi all

At 16+6 I'm some way off from the big day although it's approaching very quickly so I've started to look at all the options. But I have to say I am totally and utterly confuddled. How does the first timer know where to start with all these decisions?

Home birth/hospital etc. How can I possibly decide whether to fight to have my baby at home (I'm on the lardy side so they'll probably advise against). I have no real idea what's ahead of me.

Pain relief - all have pros and cons, how do you decide?

Now it's to stitch or not to stitch? How do I know!

I'm getting totally panicked out as I feel like I'm having to make major decisions with no clue what I'm deciding on. I'm usually really clued up but this is defeating me. I've heard so many stories from women who, although they had a healthy child, are still traumatised by a horrible, mismanaged birth.

How has something that used to take place with no fuss and only the local wise woman to slap the child turned into a major scientific process?

I felt the same and in the end gave up trying to decide.
Never had a birth plan for reasons yuo have put.
Go with the flow and see how yuo feel at the time.

i went with the "go with the flow" option meaning anything was offered to me during labour and birth

Used to take place with no fuss - yeah right

Obv there are some decisions you need to make in advance (eg home or hospital) but much of it, you just go with the flow - eg if you are managing fine you don't bother with powerful pain relief but if you feel you need it you ask for an epidural.

A birth plan doesn't have to sp3cify all these answers- it can reflect things like music, birth aprtner water birth etc but for things like pain reief you can simply state 'pain relief will be considered if necessary'.

I am afraid you'll have to decide on home / hospital before though LOL

I had that with my first. I think only experience tells you what you really want. By the time I had no.6 I had it down to a fine art!
Sometimes you have to experience what you DON'T want before you know what you do .

i agree go with flow-its got to come out one way or another!

educate yourself

find out what your rights are

there are some great websites out there

www.aims.org.uk/ your rights as regards where and how to give birth

www.birthchoiceuk.com/ stats for maternity units nationwide

www.homebirth.org.uk/ rights re a homebirth

www.doula.org.uk info about doulas, who can support you before , during and after labour and many offer birth preparation classes on a one to one basis

also, i always recommend reading Ina May Gaskin, Sheila Kitziner and Janet Balskas, as they reinforce the fact that birth is a natural and physiological process, and a lot of the faffing is not neccessary..pretty much as your last line says !!

Even a decision like home v hospital is not cast in stone - if you are having the baby at home and they feel they need to they can whizz you off to hospital.

I have never had a birth plan either, but remained open to suggestions at the time, as you just don't know how you'll react to pain, or even whether you'll need any intervention

You will always hear scary stories, some peole find it amusing to try and scare others, so try to take it with a pinch of salt.
I had my first two in hospital with gas and air [pethidine with no1, I didn't like it but like I say everyone's different]
no problems or horrific injuries to report, and my third at home, and shall hopefully have this one at home too.

I'm saying all this so that you hear about someone who has been lucky and has had no problems as we all get to hear about the ones who do have problems

hello, i just found out that i'm about 9 weekd pregnant and am a bit shell shocked; i'm also really worried about ending up in a 'bad' hospital; does anyone have any recomendations or know how to try find out??

Thanks everyone, I'm glad it's not just me.

Trouble is, when you're doing this for the first time and you buy all the books, they all tell you you must write a birth plan, it must include these things, you must have decided this, that and the other and you take it all as gospel because they're supposed to know better than you so it's reassuring to hear that it can be as simple as;

Water birth please, with DH present. Favourite music playing etc. Will decide everything else as and when!

I will check out those websites, thanks.

On a slightly different note, is it being a mean and cruel mother to ask for the baby to be cleaned a bit before it's handed over to you?

ofcourse its not mean and cruel,its up to you!

Is there a form you have to fill in for your birth plan or just a scrap bit of paper? I'd never heard of a "birth plan" til i came on here!!

I would just like my baby to be born out my fanjo and in some water in my house. I would prefer to do it in the front room with the telly on and a cup of tea. Thanx a billion!

i didnt have a birth plan as all i asked for was to give birth in my hospital and go with the flow

auntylisa...look at the birth choice uk link lower down

re birth plan.. call it birth preferences, and then it is flexible, and you won;t feel bad if you do something that was not in the plan

and no, it is not mean to ask for baby to be cleaned, but usually, when the baby is delivered, you are so blown away, you just want to grab hold of him/her

Hi Sarahjct

I found my antenatal classes invaluable for helping me to decide what route to go for. The pros and cons for everything were discussed in detail so that the choices I have made are informed ones. I think they are only offered later on in pregnancy though.

It's baffling isn't it?! I remember being astounded that there was this whole new world out there that I had no idea existed. It got even more complicated once I started buying stuff! Vario-flow teats?!?

I think you should do your ante-natal classes and hear all about what your options are. Then you can start deciding what you do or don't want.

Don't get fixated with a perfect birth as per your birth plan - you don't know what your labour will be like.

I would have quite liked a water birth, but as it turned out the thought of water near me was abhorrent once I was in labour. I also felt nauseous at the mention of gas and air. I thought I'd have a whale of a time on it!

I did know that I didn't want pethidine and stuck to that (probably only because it wasn't offered!!).

And please don't be worried about mismanaged births. I had a birth with all of the interventions - inducement, waters broken, drip, full monitoring on the bed, ventouse, episiotomy, stirrups - the lot. And it was fine. Really fine. I would do it all again tomorrow. My mobile epidural was fabulous, I could walk, there was no pain, fantastic midwives and nothing was even remotely awful. The biggest problem that I had was that DD was born at 11pm and there was no food!

Good luck with what you decide to do and enjoy your pregnancy!

great, thanks lulumama, i will, sorry for barging in mid discussion, still getting the hang of MN like eerything else!

I think birth plans are great as long as you know that they are not gospel. In hindsight now I would put NO PETHIDINE OR MORPHINE as i really didnt like it, but that is just me.

I found it useful to put things like offering DH to cut cord, baby given straight to me etc. I opted for nbirthing centre so let pain relief to chance as I honestly dont think you can decide this before hand.

Mixedmama if you do it again don't be sure about pain relief- I LOATHED gas and air with ds1, skipped it with ds2 as a result and then depended on it for ds3! As ds2 was a postrior OP, wish i'd given it a try now!

I absolutely loved gas and air. The diamorphine actually only succeeded in giving me a 10 minute respite where I fell asleep and the pain felt a whole lot worse after i hated the way it felt. You just have to go with the flow on the day I guess.