20 and pregnant - terrified, no idea how to tell family, etc.

[rozymuir8]

Hopefully this is the right place to post this.
I'm 20, completely dependant on my family and in a new relationship (we've been together for two months). I found out I was pregnant yesterday.
I'm still unsure as to whether to keep it or not, I know I need to decide sooner than later but boyfriend is abroad and haven't had the chance to talk through it properly in person yet. Regardless - if I kept it, how would I even tell my family? I feel like they'd be angry at me (even though my mum had me and my brother at a similar age), I feel like they'd be disappointed. I've not got a job and I still live at home, I've been job searching for the past few months and it hasn't gotten anywhere. Believe me, I want a job, I want to move out, I'm just not having good luck. I feel like they'd ridicule me for even thinking about keeping it when there's not much space in the house already, no job, etc. I feel really afraid and alone and I really don't know how to go about this. If anyone has any advice or insight, please feel free to give it because I'm very confused and sad.

Not sure I have advise as such but I think you may feel a bit better when you have spoke to your partner. You’re still in early weeks if you have just found out so don’t pressure yourself into telling your family if you don’t want to just yet.

I don’t think my pregnancy has sunk in yet and I’m 16 weeks! Its a lot for you to take in so just take your time and speak with your partner. You also never know your family might react the opposite to how you think they will and shock you! X

I think it really depends on the relationship you have with your family, it sounds like you get on well with them and they're supporting you as you look for a job etc.

Just my opinion but it's always better to talk about problems - a problem shared is a problem halved is a cliché but I really think it's true! Obviously it does depend on you having a fundamentally good relationship with your family though.

You don't have to tell them though, ultimately it's a very personal decision for you to make.

I was in a similar position I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was terrified of telling my mum. It took me 4 weeks to tell her. I’d just left uni after being there for just 1 year and was living with her and my dad and her initial reaction was shock, she had a day of feeling angry but then she came around. It was a struggle as my parter left me when he found out I was pregnant when he realised I wouldn’t have an abortion. I got a job when my son was 8 months old and 3 years on I’m still there now. I managed to get a mortgage by saving as much as I could and I don’t think I’d have had the motivation had I not had a child.

It’s your decision what you do going forward. I just wanted to let you know that a baby at 20 isn’t the end of the world and you can still achieve the things you want even though it’s by no means easy. I was lucky that my family were able to provide the childcare I needed so I could go to work as we managed to work our shifts around each other which I know isn’t an option for some people but if you’re worried about working it might be worth opening up to your parents to see if there’s anything they can support you with if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy.

I can completely understand why you’d be unsure whether you’d want to keep it or not but i would always say if you choose not to keep it please make sure you’re 100% confident it’s the right decision.

I'm quite a bit older than you but was also terrified about telling my mother! I'm not married so for me to be pregnant is just not the done thing. I was going to wait until the scan but in the end told her near enough as soon as I knew - not because I was wanting to tell her but because the stress of it was meaning I couldn't enjoy the pregnancy.

It was ok. She's now interfering but I can just ignore the phone if I'm not in the mood (less easy for you though!). If I were you I'd bite the bullet and tell her soon after you tell your DP. You don't want it hanging over you.