anxiety getting overwhelming

[Hopex3]

hi all,

I keep finding things to worry about and its becoming quite overwhelming. I am ringing my gp tomorrow to arrange an appointment to see if they can give any support. incompetent cervix was my first thing in recent weeks. then it was listeria. now its toxoplasmosis as that actually seems to be more likely then listeria.

the reason I am worried about toxoplasmosis (and we dont have raw meat that we would need to cut often - probably had raw chicken that was prepared 5 weeks ago last) is that I suspect my partner is not as big on the hygiene as me. ie. he probs wouldn't of immediately washed down the chopping board (not that I use it really I normally use a plate to prepare food) or possibly could of used the same knife to chop onions as well as the chicken (again so all food would of been cooked - I think heat kills the parasite?)

so again I think my paranoia over the toxoplasmosis issue is the rare chance i could of used the chopping board to prepare anything and the partner didnt wash it.

anyone else suffer with extreme anxiety and what helped??

also my 20 week scan was last week all looked great so I'm hoping if I did contract any of these kinds of things something could of been picked up with development issues then.

its really ruining my enjoyment and I'm even considering paying for a private blood test to test for the toxoplasmosis. my worry is tho itll be something else next :( x

Oh my darling!!

I’m at a similar stage to you and have experienced anxiety during my pregnancy. I also went through the incompetent cervix worry amongst many others.

I’m having private counselling at the moment. I know it’s hard but remember that the anxieties are just thoughts. They cannot hurt you!!!

I’m just taking a day at a time and remind myself I am in control of my anxiety, nobody or nothing else is. It’s very empowering saying this to yourself. You’ve done so well to get this far... we’ve just got a bit further to go 💜

I was worried about toxoplasmosis in my first pregnancy because I have cats (it can be in their poo). My midwife said she very very rarely came across it in her patients and it really wasn't something to worry about. I honestly don't think it's a common occurrence.

That said, it sounds like this anxiety is taking over your life a bit and you would be doing the right thing to ask for some help with it.

thank you for the responses - I suffered with anxiety before but now it's quite over the top. anything I see now that could harm now I will automatically think of a way it could and then apply it. for example incompetent cervix - I'd had an erpc and an abortion 7 years ago (I do regret that now but was only 16 with no support) which I read could potentially be a risk factor didnt allow myself to think that actually it was multiple operations that could affect this. then it was listeria over cooked gorgonzola cheese and a resdy meal that had bacon in it. now its toxoplasmosis, I haven't eaten raw meat and always wash my fruit and veg but because I know my partner is quite laid back I am convinced I've used a contaminated chop board or knife cos this is listed online as a potential way to get it.

so as you can see anything I read it seems my anxious mind will find a way of associating that to me. I know realistically there is not much I can do to completely eliminate my risk of anything but I definitley think I need help managing the fear I constantly feel. I wish I had never seen anything online as I would assume all was well unless something actually made me think otherwise rather than imagining all sorts of nasties :( x

I drove myself mad worrying about toxo too first time round. The short answer is that you can't be sure don't have it unless you have the test HOWEVER it is extremely unlikely. It's probably more likely that you've had it in the past and you're immune to it. The likelihood of contracting it during pregnancy in the U.K. is very small.

Anxiety's job is to keep you safe so of course it will constantly find the what ifs, even when it's going way over the top. I found the best way to deal with it was just to try to notice that my kind was going down that rabbit hole again and take a breath and remind myself that my scan looked perfect and the midwife had said if there was toxo they would have seen problems on the scan. Tell the anxiety thank you for trying to help but that's enough for today! The other thing was actually just trying to let go of control a bit and accepting that I didn't know for sure what baby i was going to get (because you don't!) and that to some extent I had to just trust that I would manage any situation at the time.

It's really hard isn't it xx

Ps if you think you need extra help managing anxiety you can ask your GP to refer you to the perinatal mental health team who can offer support with anxiety

Pps. You've had a tough time in the past so it's understandable you'd be worried now but you're doing great.

Also, just explain to your partner why washing the chopping board after cutting raw chicken is important. It's not really toxo that would be the main issue with chicken (it's much more common in lamb/pork/beef I think), salmonella or campylobacter are more likely. These won't harm the baby but they'll make you poorly - and once baby is here he will need to be more careful so that baby/toddler doesn't contract things like that. He needs to step up!

yeah it's very consuming, sorry you went through that too. it's crazy that half of this stuff I had never even heard of before, I dont remember my midwife ever bringing it up. she went through cheeses/eggs/uncured ham but I dont remember her ever making a big thing about making sure you wash fruit and veg well and not eating raw meat (neither of which I've done anyway). I am feeling a bit more reassured in the respect that I really dont think I've prepared anything on a side that he might not of washed and he said he doesnt chop the chicken and veg on the same board but he doesnt know if hes been super religious about washing down the chop board every time he had raw chicken on there which is what made me panic just in case I'd ever prepared anything on the side and not on a plate (I dont often prepare food on the sides I didn't even at home with my mum and she is an obsessive cleaner) and I do think that the last time he chopped chicken would of been weeks and weeks before my 20 week scan so hoping if something had been going on that would of been seen.

I am debating paying for the private test and my partner has promised to be more vigilant going forward but isn't sure he thinks the blood test is necessary as we've had a scan that showed everything going well and I haven't been Ill sigh I didnt want to get into it with him about how some of them dont have any.

ahh I dont know I guess I will wait and see if I settle about this or not and decide what to do. I think I will be going to the gp for my anxiety either way though so hopefully they can help me manage that at least :) x

I do think it's shocking how little info they give pregnant women in this country about stuff like toxo, listeria. They tell you not to eat certain things but they don't say why. They treat us like we're stupid but all it does is puts some people at risk and others get overly anxious because they haven't had clear medical advice about it. I think they don't say about toxo because it is so very rare in the U.K. and they don't want to scare people but I do think that's a bit nanny state isn't it. I'd much rather have the proper info and statistics so I can make up my own mind.

From what you've said I can't imagine how you would have got it. Meat is virtually safe in this country (more common in France and even then you'd have to be eating loads of raw meat). Vegetables are mostly commercially grown so won't have been near soil with it in. And if you've not been ploughing fields or touching lots of cat poo I'd say it was near on impossible. PLUS even if you got it it doesn't necessarily pass to baby. It's really really extremely rare.

Good luck at the GP XX

thank you that is really reassuring - I think I'm gonna have to try and let this one go as I am having a very hard time finding private blood tests and I spoke to my gp a little while ago who I am seeing about the anxiety but does not have enough concern about the toxo risk to do the tests by the sounds of it :( I think he is also of the mind that it would cause me more stress then anything. yeah I thought it was a bit of a reach but that's sadly exactly what my mind has been doing and applying the worst case scenario to everything and anything I might of done it's really unpleasant. I guess I just have to focus on the fact there was no signs of it on my 20 week scan in fact she was near on perfect everything looked great so I guess I have to assume that is the case until I am told otherwise. 21 weeks today, just got another few months to go hopefully I dont get anything else scary in my head next x

my mum has also attempted to help put my anxiety in perspective by reminding me that there are actually far more likely things that could happen (thanks mum Haha!) but in a weird way it has made me calm down as if I'm not panicking myself sick over all of the other awful terrible things that can happen to you this is a waste of energy when I dont even know if I have come into contact. gonna try let it go for now lol x

I disagree with pp that anxiety is prevalent to protect you. It’s not. Anxiety is not normal. It’s an overstimulation of adrenaline which is sometimes caused by a chemical imbalance or by environmental factors. Seeking help for it should be treated in the same way as seeking help for pain or for bleeding. It’s not normal.

I’d also try to align your fear somewhat. Educate yourself about how listeria becomes prevalent. It’s not from using a knife to cut an onion that was used to cut raw meat. The listeria would gave to be on the contaminant beforehand. That means you would have had to buy the meat from a source where there was already listeria, and the listeria would have had to survive the freezing process of store storage. Supermarkets simply cannot afford to expose themselves to risk in the UK. so they decontaminate everything risky very thoroughly. If your meat comes direct from a farm with no licence to sell its produce, then there is a SMALL risk that the animals have not been screened and listeria identified. So you see that the mechanism of getting sick is not just as simple as ‘knife cuts listeria and now I’m infected’, it’s waaaay more involved. And therefore waaay less likely.

Same with toxoplasmosis really. If you are gardening and you cut yourself and germs in the dirt from the garden gets in the cut, the teeny number of toxo micro-organisms survive your bolstered pregnancy mega-immune system, they get into your bloodstream and through the various filters in your liver, kidneys etc, then get to the placenta, and your baby’s systems fight the infection too but lose, your baby MIGHT get sick, but the chances are absolutely tiny. Especially if you don’t garden or touch cat poo or expose yourself to the toxo bacteria in the first place....

Just to help with your anxiety, I live in a country where they test for toxo every month if you haven't had it before (which is my situation). I also have a cat and up until this month have been cleaning out the litter (wearing gloves of course!) as partner has been working abroad every 2 months (now he's back he's taken over!) That being said, before my pregnancy I was a VERY BIG FAN of raw fish, salad, raw meat, sushi and all kidns of things that can give you toxi (plus having the cat) and I didn't have toxi so just to show you how very rare it really is. Even now as I've been handling the litter (virtually impossible to get it from a cat unless you are eating their poo which I doubt, or hope, no one does!) and been eating very well cleaned veggies and the odd salad at a restaurant here and there I am thankfully still negative. So this is just to reassure you that it's extremely unlikely to get it - even having taken no precuations prior to pregnancy I didn't get it so hope this helps and allows you to worry less!

thank you for putting it in perspective. I don't think I am going to keep seeking out the blood test as I think it will panic me more. I think my anxiety is the issue really more so than anything. even if I did get cleared of this I know with the way my mind currently is it would find something else to convince myself I've got. I think these things just scared me cos there are no symptoms sometimes and it's the idea you could have something awful like that and have no idea but I guess my chances of being in an accident is actually far greater yet I wouldn't think twice about getting in my car and driving. thanks again those responses are very helpful and I'll read them again if the fear flares up again :) x

@devilishlygood anxiety is a normal human emotion. The role of anxiety is to protect us from danger - ie the fight/flight response, which initially helped us to stay safe from predators. However, our anxiety system is still run by this ancient part of the brain (the amygdala) and unfortunately nowadays it can be triggered by thoughts about danger, as well as actual dangers. Our anxiety system can become overactive and that's when anxiety becomes unhelpful and problematic. Excessive anxiety is very disabling and of course needs appropriate treatment or support, which is why I suggested the OP visit her GP to seek help from a mental health team.

@Hopex3- How are you getting on? X

Honestly I think the best way to deal with anxiety is go to your midwife or GP every time you feel something’s wrong (or are worried about something) rather than googling.

hi Kate3150 - I am doing okay thank you, giving myself little goals to get to :)

unfortunately, I think the midwives and GPs are slightly desensitized rightly or wrongly to the worries of pregnant women well certainly in my area :( my midwife did not even reply to the last message I sent her and that was a while ago. I am also aware that my anxieties don't always necessarily relate purely to pregnancy and has been an ongoing mental health issue for years which is why I said I was going to go to my GP for that rather than go for specific pregnancy worries as like I said sadly the way my mind works it would just keep finding things to worry about even if I did get put at ease about one particular thing. and I've actually found great comfort in some of the responses I received here as they help to put things in perspective and make you feel not so alone :)

@Hopex3- you sound very similar to me, I’ve always had the kind of anxiety where I look for things to be anxious about. I’m trying so hard to shut it down in this pregnancy, I’m 20 + 1 today and proud of myself for getting to this point. How far gone are you now?

Do you know what you’re having? My little man has been kicking loads, it’s such a weird but lovely feeling.

If you ever want to talk I’m here, I know what you’re going through 💜

yeah it's horrible, even the most unlikely things I will convince myself I have, it's very tiring. very frustrating aswell as I see some people not watching themselves about anything but my mind goes into overdrive over the smallest thing - I even worried about brocolli I didn't wash before boiling it - until I realised I'd boiled it in water 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ me too I'm trying to find ways to relax and the goal setting is making it not seem so daunting. aww so you've had your 20 week scan??

I am 22 weeks tomorrow 😊 couple weeks until next midwife appointment which is the next goal. I have felt movement but I have an anterior placenta which muffles it a little but I still feel the popping sensations and flutterings!

thank you, I'm sorry you experience it too :( but good to know were not experiencing these feelings alone! x