Social services saying I'm not fit to be a mother

[rosie1998]

Hi mothers and fathers
I'm currently 6 months pregnant my partner left me last week . Social service have been doing assessment on me and my ex ... So the assessment has come back basically saying I'm not fit to be a mother ... This child is all iv ever wanted and now I'm scared that once the little mad is here they will take it off me . Which I really don't want ... I mean no mother would want her children taken off her . Has anyone been in the Same situation as this if Soo please give me some advice

I agree with posters saying there must to be more to it. And I understand that you might be reluctant to post about other issues.

But you are goIng to have to face them in RL. Denying or minimising will not help you right now. But unvarnished insight will.

What are SS recommending that you need to do?

No we haven't been to court about this

I'm just going to be honest now I know we all make mistakes in the past I'm wanting to put everything right and move on ... I have a meeting with the social worker on Monday or Tuesday next week to talk about the assessment as the info on the report is wrong and haven't put the right facts in the report .

So from your update there's violence or aggression from you and drug use from him, plus whatever you've overcome in your relationship. Thry are right to be concerned.

What you need to do is engage fully, listen to what they are saying, act on the feedback and instructions given and be as cooperative as you can so you're in the best position to be the best mum you can be.

I would avoid trying to paint the father in the worst light as it sounds like you both have thinhs to change and it's better to have a reasonable parent who accepts and engages than one who tries to fob them off by slagging off the other parent.

Thing is social services don’t put dc under child protection orders without good reason!

They must have a very good reason to believe you or your ex may cause this child harm or be unable to care for it properly. So now it’s on you to show you can be a good mum........

OP, unfortunately if you yourself have been involved with SS before and have been involved with the police for any violence etc they do have a duty of care to protect this child, and also make sure you mental state is safe enough not only for your baby but for you! Raising a kid isn’t as easy as it looks, if you want this to work you need to follow the ropes and do as they say in order to be the best mum you can - if they find you unfit all together there is most likely and I’m sorry to say it a good reason, however a child protection order doesn’t always mean your baby will be taken from you, do your research and if you really want this you will do as they ask and change your ways for good.

Ok you need to be honest if you wish help. If you don't want to be honest, that's fine, but there is little people can suggest.

It seems there is a history of drugs, violence, instability and mental health problems. I'm unsure of you're financial circumstances, if there has been domestic violence, but bottom line is they want to make sure this child is adequately cared for and will either remove the child if they think the home situation cannot provide that, or they will stay involved

Have you had previous kids?

This is my first child .iv been living on my own for 3-4 years now .

@rosie1998 living on your own unfortunately doesn’t contribute to your ability to parent. If you can prove that you can provide for you and your child, there is no more violence, drugs or drinking and you can protect your child from any danger (keeping away from bad influencers) as best you can, there’s always the chance you will be given the opportunity to be a mum to this baby. You have to put the work in with social services. Take a step back and look at your life, social services are there to protect you both and don’t intervene unless they really have too, if you were them what reasons would you give them to provide proof you can do this?

You need to do EVERYTHING the social worker says to keep your child. Even if you don't like it. Get whatever help they say you need and do everything you can

You want hard facts? You have a history of violence and having a child aggravates your emotions which can bring back violent tendencies.

Do NOT get angry in front of social services. Do NOT disagree with them or cause a fuss. The second you lose your temper, even if it’s just a raised voice, your baby will be gone. Agree to your child being put on the at risk register, agree to each and every visit. Never refuse them access to your home or miss an appointment. 6 months to a year and they will be gone provided they are satisfied that your child is not in harms way.

Take it from someone who’s had their children in temporary foster care due to a mental break down, the second you show any negative emotion they will deem you unfit. It’s their job to safe guard your child, not to protect you.

@missingthemissletoe Couldn’t have said it better myself. OP this is golden advice right here

But I’d also like to add, social workers can be an amazing source of help and support. They helped me so much during my break down, they provided a carer after I was well enough for my children to come home again (carer basically popped in every evening to see if I needed a hand with cleaning or putting the kids to bed etc, they were also a brilliant source of support as would stay and chat and make sure I was doing alright myself).

Once the initial MH issues were under control my social worker popped in once a week just for a chat and cuppa (and probably to make sure that I was coping ok with the kids but she never made me feel like that was the reason for her visit.)

Build up a relationship with your social worker, ask their advice on things. Ask for opinions on baby gror

*groups, essential items etc. Show that you value them as someone who is looking out for your child’s best interests and cooperate fully with them. Best of luck to you

@missingthemissletoe hats off to you and your recovery, well done. It ain’t easy

You need to cooperate with them fully.

@clarissa469 thanks, definitely wasn’t easy but I’m grateful for the support they provided me at the time. It got me through and enabled my kids to have a good, stable home. Was a good few years ago now but I will always tell anyone that SS aren’t the demons they’re made out to be!

@missingthemissletoe Agreed, I can’t imagine, it’s so good to hear people with your story be so honest and humble about their experience with SS they do have the wrong rep sometimes. Let’s hope OP takes your advice seriously.
@rosie1998 please remember no one is on here to bash you for your mistakes, I really wish you well and hope you can take on board this advice and keep your baby, look after yourself and keep us posted

They're not saying you're not fit? From what youve said the baby can still come home with you?

A child protection order will mean they keep an eye on things and help and support you until they're happy. Work with them. Do what they say.

Thank you so much every for taking your time to help me I really do appreciate it . This has really opened up my eyes everything that's been going on right now has just made me wanna protectic this child from anything and everything ... I'm going to make sure I'm going to stay calm and not be how I use to be . I have looked at local group for me and the little one when he is here. My family are very supportive considering I'm young. I'm not afraid to ask for help when I need it. I hope everyone is well ❤️

Do you have a criminal record, and if yes, for what?

I use to now it's off my record it got wiped this train June ... It was harrasmet

To be fair to OP I think she’s saying quite clearly why SS think she’s unfit- she’s not capable of looking after the child, due to her past, including own traumatic childhood, and presumably very serious mental illness. It’s not uncommon for children from awful backgrounds to have all sorts of behaviours which render them incapable of caring for their own children.

OP they’ll tell you what you need to do. To have any chance you need to show willing, listen to them and show you can understand where they find you lacking. If they say it’s simply not possible for you to do anything, then that means there are extremely serious issues and you won’t get a chance - but that’s unlikely

Have they specified a child protection order or a child in need? A child in need order is very different and will focus on you working closely with your health visitor and an assigned social worker for your baby. They will meet with you regularly and present a support plan to ensure you and baby receive comprehensive support and that baby meets all target milestones. You can sign up to a freedom programme and ask for a referral to mental health services, and anger management support. The main thing is that you work with them and demonstrate you are willing to accept support offered. You can also request a review as you are no longer in a relationship with your ex.

Sounds like you’re ex leaving you is probably in your favour. If they’re saying you’re not a fit mother, be clear and honest with yourself as to why, ask for support, take responsibility for yourself and make sure you become one. Children aren’t taken away for no good reason.