Struggling with work in pregnancy

[Permenating]

I hope someone will have some advice because I'm really struggling. this is so outing if you know me but I really need an outside opinion. It's long, sorry!

I started my job at the beginning of the year after a few years living abroad (I had worked with a lot of the people previously and was hired by my old manager but the company has changed hands). I like and respect my colleagues and line manager and only work 2 days a week (partly because this is all they had, and I work PT due to a health issue, up until now this has helped me manage this well).

DH and I had been ttc for a while, and I'm now 15 weeks pregnant. Absolutely thrilled, DH has been really supportive etc. The first trimester was rough with nausea and tiredness up until about week 9 but mostly manageable, but this has changed into something else entirely.

I am literally on my knees with vomiting, nausea and exhaustion. Some days I can barely get out of bed and every time I go to work, I have to leave after a few hours or less because it makes me feel so unwell. The commute is a 15 minute walk, an hour on a crowded train and then another walk. They've sent me home in a taxi before because I've been too unwell to do the journey home. I spend most of my time at home lying down, and try to take the odd short walk out of the house but often can't manage this. I'm totally wiped out, probably 80% of the time. 1-2 good days a week if I'm lucky.

I'm considering giving in my notice not because I don't like it there, but because I physically and mentally can't cope with the journey and a full day at work. I won't be returning to work after we have the baby, and tbh I earn so little that we won't miss the money (realise that's a very privileged position to be in and I'm very grateful etc).

I've seen the doctor and they've said it's within the realms of normal but I'm really suffering. The anti sickness pills they gave me have done nothing. Do you have any advice on what you think I should do?

I feel really guilty for messing my colleagues and manager around by having so much time off but physically can't seem to get better. It's not a job that can be done from home and I'm still on probation. Work have been so kind but they could get rid of me at the end of my probation and I would be almost relieved if they did. I don't know whether to make the choice myself first

Go back to the doctors. There's other medication you can try, you just might need to try a few to get the right one for you, don't put it off

If I were you and definitely not planning on returning once baby is here, I would hand my notice in now. No point in putting your body and mind through all that stress for little in return. I can totally empathise with the sickness, nausea and generally feeling awful, it’s not something you can just power through.

I certainly wouldn't be handing in my notice. You need to go back to the Dr and see what they can do. A Dr can also give you a line or can give you a line in which he has asked you to do reduced hours of work.

I had to go off on the sick due to pgp, but it got to the point I was in total denial at how much I was struggling and was making my life worse. You're putting yourself under so much pressure. Get another appointment

With dc1 I was so ill in pregnancy that I left work. Fortunately we are lucky enough that my dh's income can support us all and we decided that I will be a SAHM until kids are in school (dc2 due next week).

Admittedly, I felt really guilty but it helped so much being able to rest as much as I needed to. If you are in a position where you can afford it, I'd do what you feel you need to. Xx

Thank you for sharing your experiences everyone- I'm seeing the obstetrician for my 16 week check up next week so I'm going to tell them how I've been feeling and hope they will help me figure this out. It's my birthday and I've spent the day mostly in bed, feeling absolutely terrible.. so happy to be having this baby but this is wearing me down. We are also waiting to move into our first house and I'm just struggling to cope with everything.

Do you have a contact for your midwife? You should def contact them if so - you don’t need to wait until your appointment next week - it sounds miserable!

Yes, I will give them a call tomorrow. I've been given the brush-off by the GP a couple of times now and just want to be listened to. I don't want people to think I'm skiving off and can't be bothered but I don't think I can carry on like this. It's not getting any better.

I personally wouldn’t hand in my notice - see what else the doctor says and get signed off if needs be. I really enjoyed going back to work after my maternity leave - there is only so much chatting to a baby you can do. It’s good for your mental health.

I agree get signed off by your dr!! This is totally within your right!! Also stop feeling guilty- you're sick! Women spend their whole lives feeling guilty and a man would probably be signed off already.

OP !!! This could have been written by me !!!

I am so sorry you're struggling so much, but I totally sympathise ! I'm nearly 13 weeks pregnant and started having nausea at week 6. But contrary to what they say, it hasn't got better. It actually got 10 times worse since week 11.

So much so that I too, just can't do anything. I can't work properly - even from home. I work in sales and my job is super demanding. I just don't have the energy.

I've had a couple of weeks of sick leave and can tell my employer is not happy at all. It's really really hard. I was even working a couple of hours and available all hours whilst I was on sick leave. No one cares.

I would recommend going back to the GP too. I have tried 3 different nausea tablets- none have helped and just knock me out. Then when I wake up I feel 10 times worse.

I would either get signed off sick until you feel better and try to take maternity leave ASAP, or just sack it in now and relax.

I'm trying to get signed off until I can take my maternity leave. Unless I feel better.

Good luck to you ! I really really feel for you.

Whatever dr you have seen is talking out of their arse. Go back and ask to see a different (female) dr if you need to. It is not normal, it's not reasonable to continue trying to go to work when symptoms are that severe. Just get signed off for goodness sake. I had similar to what you describe and ended up signed off for 5 weeks. 1 week self cert and then 2x2 weeks signed off by gp. I had meds which basically meant the vomiting wasn't life threatening, it never went away until week 18/19. Yes I felt guilty but it's just a job for goodness sake, your health and baby's safety is much more important. Good luck.

Wow.. I am shocked your dr hasn’t signed you off. I wouldn’t leave work.. why should you? You are entitled to pay on Mat leave, so I wouldn’t leave. I would insist that you have severe morning sickness and you need time off to rest. I had 24/7 nausea (no sickness) that was bad enough. I couldn’t bare to eat or drink and felt incredibly weak. Like you I had a long commute and at 9 weeks I got signed off for 3 weeks. I then had another 2 weeks off for Christmas break and went back at 14 weeks. It passed by 16 weeks and I felt completely normal again. However, it hasn’t I’d have remained signed off a bit longer.
Don’t let yourself suffer. I expect the tiredness makes it worse. It did for me. I was up at 5.30 and not back until 6.30 then had to look after my daughter and it was too much. I just needed time to rest and try and get my strength up as had zero energy.

No doctor's appointments available until next Thursday, but I took it because that's all they've got. The midwife said this is something I have to see the GP about.

Going to ask to be signed off when I see the obstetrician and the GP next week in the hope that one of them will do it but otherwise I think I'll have no option but to leave. The thought of getting the train to work at the moment makes me feel like crying when I can barely walk to the local park and back.

That’s unusual. At my Drs we have to ring bang on 8.00am to get an appointment for the day! It’s not ideal but better than booking ahead.
Hope they take you seriously, lay it on thick if you have to. You shouldn’t have to suffer!

Saw the consultant today and finally feel like someone has listened to me- they prescribed cyclizine and ondansetron. They couldn't give me a certificate but said see the GP today, take the medications with me to show them and press them for one. Still so tired and can barely keep water down, so really hoping this is going to help.

Why hand in your notice when you could just get signed off and go on sick leave? You might feel better in a few weeks and be able to work again.

I think everything will be fine.

Got signed off with hyperemesis gravidarum. So finally feel I've been listened to for the first time after being brushed off by the GP before- think that was why I was considering resigning last week, out of desperation. But feel hopeful this medication will help Can't even get to the train station without throwing up right now, so work is off the table until I can.

I'm sure I will be fine eventually marymu as pregnancy obviously doesn't last forever and a healthy baby is paramount but it doesn't make it any less miserable while it's happening!