Birth videos... do you think it's worth seeing them?

[MrsMar]

I missed an antenatal class last week, where the midwife showed a video of someone giving birth. This week when I went quite a few people were still reeling from it, a couple said they couldn't get the images out of their heads.

My question is, do you think there's any value in showing these videos in ante natal classes? Do you think it's more likely to make a first timer like me scared? I've always been told by lots of people who've had children, they think it's worse for the person watching than for the person giving birth. You're either so out of it in pain and on gas and air, or you're coping with the assistance of pain relief drugs that either way you're not as aware of what's going on as everyone else in the room. I know plenty of people who didn't realised they'd pooed themselves until after the birth, and plenty who ended up naked but have no recollection of taking their clothes off.

I know that the fear of pain can make it worse, so do you think seeing these videos is more likely to scare someone and possibly make their experience of labour worse, or is it better to have your eyes fully opened as to what it's going to be like? I'm under no illusions as to how painful it's going to be, I'm just debating whether to borrow the video from the midwife as she's offered it to me. Any opinions/experiences gratefully received!

If DH had suggested taking a photo I would probably have decked him. But as I was in the midst of pushing my lovely Doula suggest he take a photograph - of course at that stage I didn't hear it being said........so had no choice. Nearly freaked when he first told me/showed me but once I'd taken a proper look I decided it was actually pretty cool.

Definitely, I guess then you can chose who (if anyone) you show it to.

Bloody hell, QueenofQuotes, that woke me up. Good on you, not least for letting the world look at your bum! Mine would make the shot look like a total elipse.

Personally though if my bloke comes within a ten mile radius of me in labour while holding a camera there's no telling what I'll do to his tripod. Let's just say that our first child will be our last.

And call me chicken, but isn't one of the blessings of giving birth the fact that your eyes are at the opposite end to all the gore? It's the fact that I can stare at anything except the pandemonium between my legs that stops me chewing through my own toes with terror.

Sx

wow queenofquotes. An amazing picture! See things like that don't scare me, I think seeing other people in pain is more distressing, so a video is more graphic than a photo. I think that's why fathers find labour tougher than the average woman (or am I being naive?) because watching something you can't control or do anything about is pretty upsetting let alone when it's happening to someone you love. As scampy said, I'm sure it's a bit of evolutionary protection that our eyes are at the other end of our bodies so we can't see it if we don't want to. I will be turning down the offer of a mirror if the midwives want to show me what's going on I think. Don't need to see that. On a positive note, my fears about giving birth are fading a wee bit as I'm now starting to really feel like I just want this bloomin' baby out so I can reach my feet again

MrsMar you just reminded me of my midwife insisting that I touch my babies head as it crowned. I said no and she was like go on and then hubby joined in - i did in the end but very weird. strange - prob because up till that point i was quite detached from the fact that there actually was a baby coming out of me.

God, no. I don't want a mirror either. I don't think seeing the baby's head emerging from my traumatised undercarriage will do anything for me at all. If the rest of the hospital want to stand and stare, they're welcome - I'm thinking of charging the going rate. Nope, I prefer to go through the screeching and the pain until the stork drops the baby into the nearest bush, er, undergrowth.

Sx

Yeah, I had heard they like to do that. I can kind of see the sense as you can presumably feel the baby coming out and it can help focus you on pushing (or are you past the pushing stage then, are you just panting or whatever by then?) but that sort of thing makes me a bit squemish.

scampy - I hope you don't mind if I ask, do you have pain issues? I am not good with pain, the only times I've ever been in pain I've hyperventilated til I collapsed, so I'm approaching the whole childbirth thing with quite a bit of trepidation. I only ask if you're the same cos you're saying so many things I'm thinking! I've got my 34 week mw appt next week and that's when we do our birthplan, so I'm going to bring it up with her then about how I manage my pain without going bonkers and passing out. I could almost take all the gore if I wasn't hysterical.

MrsMar - thankfully in this day and age you dont have to take the pain you could always have an epidural. I didnt get one in time, but I think if you are really hysterical it is better to be calm. It is something to consider anyway, you dont have to actually make any decisons until the day and just see how you feel, you may manage better than you think.

I suppose it was to make me push... I think by that point it is a one or two more pushes to get baby out. Still felt very odd.

Hi Pistachio and Mixedmama, thanks for the advice. I am going to go as far as I can without resorting to major drugs too early, but I'm wary of leaving it too late too. This is a bit off topic but I've heard so many stories of midwives putting women off epidurals until it's too late, and I'm not sure how I'd cope. It's not normally something I can control. Believe me, hyperventilating til I pass out is something I really want to avoid! I usually wake up feeling absolutely awful, puking and shaking. I don't want the first few moments with my baby boy to be like that (unless that's what everyone does, in which case my expectations are waaaaay out!)

MrsMar - at my antenatal classes the MW said that with a first pregnancy it is never too late (not sure if this is your first by the way). If you are worried about hyperventilating then maybe gas and air would be good as you control it, it keeps you breathing and gives you something to focus on. Having said that made me feel like I was completely drunk and I had three whole canisters, completely addicted.

The thing that worries me about epidurals is that if you leave it until you are in severe pain then how do you relax for the needle etc to go in. i cant imagine me sitting still through contractions for them to do it.

At the end of the day MrsMar, nothing is set in stone you can change your mind about absolutely anything at any time.

I'm expecting my second child so I kind of know what it's going to be like ('kind of' because last time I was, as you say, off my head with pain and drugs) Therefore watching such a thing wouldn't bother me now. But to be honest, I was scared enough before DS was born and I'm glad no-one gave me a birthing video to watch. I'm sure loads of people find them very reassuring and helpful but I would've found it scary personally.

yes it is my first pregancy. I'm sure not knowing what to expect makes the anxiety a billion times worse. My sister's a total wimp and she managed it FGS!! I'm a little wary of g&a, I'd hate to feel out of it and drunk, am I wierd to think I'd prefer something stronger like an epidural and to be totally in the room mentally, rather than gas and air which according to lots of people makes you feel very strange and not quite with it? A friend of mine said that it doesn't stop the pain, but makes you feel like it's happening to someone else so you can cope with it. To me this is so odd, I'd rather keep a lid on the pain and be mentally 100% aware so I can remember everything afterwards. I don't want to be in a haze of mind altering drugs.

This a whole other topic I guess, but I'm really annoyed that midwives do often put you off an epidural until it's too late. My sister was told several times that she wasn't in enough pain for an epidural when she asked for it. If I knew that I didn't have to face at least two hours of begging and pleading for the epidural with the midwives I'd probably last longer without. I would probably say to myself "one more contraction and then I'll ask" if I knew the second I asked I'd get one.

on the mirror front the midwife shoved one between my legs after i had been pushing for what seemed like eternity and i was absolutly horrified as all i could see was a tiny bit of skin i thought after all the agony id been through the whole bloody head must surly have been out! found it very off putting.

i dont think you need to watch videos - you cant see whats going on down there and like a lot of people have said no 2 births are the same I know that mine were both completly different

If it was a real reflection of birth, everyone would fall asleep, the first twelve hours or so are boring as hell - even I was doing sudoku for the first bit.

Then you get the gory and painful bit which doesn't last very long - again, you don't need to see it in advance, there is no benefit to knowing you have to get something the size of a grapefruit through something the size of a walnut IMHO.

The only good bit is the wah wah baby comes out and mummy holds him.

If you have to watch one, look out for these bits (they may be edited out):

(1) Woman arrives in hospital and is sent home
(2) Four times
(3) Woman arrives in hospital and there are no bed, she is put on the ward to wait
(4) Woman complains of hunger and pain and is offered 1 paracetamol and one paltry piece of cold toast. Both are gratefully necked
(5) Twelve hours of doing sudoku/complaining that it hurts
(6) A few hours of it actually hurting quite a lot followed by a few minutes of salty language and threats to kill.
(7) Enormous squelchy explusion of baby and fluids (you could just crib from any splatter movie or indeed Alien and people would be none the wiser).
(8) Woman collapses exhausted with new baby
(9) MW points out placenta still has to come out, more swearing
(10) Finally done woman settles down for a cup of tea with new baby, but MW turns up and turfs her out into post natal ward before her tea can cool down.
(11) Woman does waddley, bloody stagger to showers.

to whomovedmychocolate - made me chuckle.

To everyone else, I did have the epidural but kinda wish I'd have given G&A more of a chance (it made me travel sick and for me that was that, though lots of other women say that they experienced the same, and then the travel sick feeling goes - anyone else found that??)

Anyway, I think I have an addiction to Living TV programmes like 'Maternity Ward' that shows footage of women actually giving birth. And I think it just freaks me out even more but I can't seem to stop watching!! aaaargh! help me!

MrsMar- on the epidural front, there is usually one anaesthesiologist available for everyone who is in labour (and sometimes for the whole hospital), so asking early is a good plan. You can always ask 'how long will it take if I decide I want one' and get a fairly honest answer. BTW if they have to find the anaesthesiologist to check, you can mentally double whatever they say!

MrsMar, the thing about the pain is that it isn't like any other kind of pain - just because you don't cope very well with (say) banging your funnybone or getting a papercut doesn't actually mean that you won't cope well with labour and birth. The other thing to bear in mind is that while you're in labour, your system is absolutely flooded with your body's own mind-altering drugs so (in my experience) you are 100% there but it is rather an odd version of being 100% there. I got to 8.5 cm without any pain relief at all (not because I am rock hard but because I was, like you, very scared of the whole mind-altering drugs thing) but actually I was out of my gourd on my own endorphins. I found G&A very helpful - for me, it was like having had 8 gin and tonics, but only until I breathed it out again - and I was able to hear and act on everything the MW said. I also enjoyed the very trippy dub sound effects that G&A generated in my head - anyone else get this?

I'm crap at pain and I did 13 hours on two paracetamols and one paltry bit of toast (something tells me I'm still a tad cross about that toast)

Oh and half a cannister of G&A whoops forgot that bit. It was a bit like being part of a pink floyd song.

whomovedmychocolate, I never got my cup of tea either with DD. I think that would be part of my birth plan if I had another: Oh whatever for the giving birth bit, blah, blah, blah but I would DEFINITELY like a nice cup of tea with two sugars. I would like DH to be holding DD while I have my cup of tea. If DC is crying I will still have my cup of tea. I would like a table to be positioned next to my bed for my cup of tea. In fact that could be an advantage of a home birth. You could supply your own tea making equipment and have a tea maker on standby.

Sorry, DH to be holding DC - not bothered about child's sex, just the cup of tea.

MrsMar, sorry for being slow but I've been out n about.

Oddly I don't have pain issues but that's because I have practice! I have endometriosis which has meant that my periods have been agonising since I was 15. In the past I've needed morphine or pethadine to get me through them and without medication the pain just makes me pass out. Luckily for me (there is a bright side!) I've been told a million times by my doctors and consultant that childbirth will be easy compared to having a period. They'd better not have been lying.

Sooo, while the pain of childbirth makes me shit myself I know that if I can survive one of my periods I can get through it. At any rate, should things get that bad I intend to be pie-eyed with every drug the hospital contains. You can shove your joss sticks and whale music....

Sx