Super scared of pregnancy and childbirth

[aleahnicole]

So I have a question that I think would really help me be at ease if I just knew it was somewhat normal. I am currently 24, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I've been with for a few years now, he's so supportive, and I am truly in a ideal situation, but still can't bring myself to be as excited as I thought I would be to be pregnant. I do suffer from anxiety and depression. We weren't really trying to prevent being pregnant, but I just didn't think I expected it to happen so quickly. You never know how you're going to feel even if you're trying until you see that positive sign. Lately i Have been wresting with my thoughts to an extreme degree, I'm about 7 weeks pregnant. One minute I'll think this isn't that bad and be happy. But I start compulsively thinking about child birth, my anxiety will kick in and my heart will race. I am so so scared of childbirth. Ethier of the pain, of something going wrong with the baby. Just being pregnant in general has made me feel like I have no control of my body and I am a control freak. It makes you feel so bad when you're significant other is happy, when you see many women who enjoy it, who don't fear it much. And you're sitting there stuck in your thoughts. Can anyone relate to what I'm feeling, does it pass, is it normal for some newly expecting moms to feel this way. I just need advice, it would b appreciate.

You'll be fine. I had the same fear when i found out i was pregnant but after speaking to my midwife about it i was fine she assured me the majority of birth are risk and complication free and there's only a few that require intervention or and emergency C section. I'm going for a water birth as i think that would be more calming than laid down on a bed in pain

I went through this and was referred to the mental health nurse at the hospital I was due to give birth in for fear of childbirth. It really helped as they made a special arrangement for me to have an epidural as soon as I request it (I think women should have that option anyway). The labour went smoothly and I actually enjoyed it.

I think what you’re feeling is very normal and probably quite a protective instinct as pregnancy is long.
At the start the idea of the later stages of pregnancy and childbirth are terrifying but things change as the months go on.
By about 36 weeks on my 2nd I couldn’t sleep because I was just so excited to feel a twinge and meet my baby. I just was not ready 10 weeks before that or 10 weeks before that. But you’re not supposed to be, your body isn’t ready.
Childbirth is painful but honestly at that point all you want is just to get the baby out.

Obviously some people do have actual MH issues around childbirth and it’s a good idea to speak to your midwife, but please know that most people are terrified too but things change over pregnancy and your body and mind catch up.

Perhaps make a birth plan? Read about it, prepare for it or find what works for you. I've been watching inf one born every minute which is possibly not advised but i find it kinda helps with what i think to expect.

I personally don't get why c-secs give control. The only control you have is the date. But other than that you give up the entirety of control over to doctors, surgeons, nurses and midwives and have to be in a scary operating theatre. I work in operating theatres and they are not where I'd like to give birth in frankly.

But some people's anxiety takes them different directions of right, obviously. To me the idea of giving by up control keep to a host of other people is more frightening!

Anyway, perhaps just start reading about the different options and look into your local birthing facilities? For me preparation makes me feel better about it. I am a total wuss with pain so that put me off having kids for a good while.

But I've seen a few videos of people hypnobirthing, or just having a more natural birth and if you can get into that mind space they seem to have a by far "easier" birth.

Think about different positions, different methods of relaxation (music, water).

I've been surprisingly unanxious about the birth considering it put me off for so long. (I just had to get bad period pain and would think babies? Nope!)

But i have done a bit of reading and know what i think i want which is directly against all common sense for a pain wuss like me.

So maybe that would help? I think it's calmed me down I do suffer with anxiety although not pregnancy. I'm more anxious about what comes after!

I'm not going to go into detail about my childbirth experience as I don't want to add to your anxiety but when I was pregnant a second time I asked for a C Section as I was terrified about going through it again. My labour was textbook physically I just didn't cope with it emotionally and found the experience traumatising. I have a very low pain threshold though generally and am the least stoical person you could meet - my emotions are all over the place and I am very sensitive to noise, emotions, pain, everything really - it's quite annoying being me! I also had a very long recovery time from my vaginal birth due to getting an infection in my tear afterwards, so a vaginal birth doesn't always mean a quick recovery time. I don't think there is any easy option for labour, but don't be afraid to request a C section if you think that's the best option for you. I've heard mixed stories about c sections and vaginal births - some quick recoveries and long recoveries form both - the lady that made my wedding dress had an elective c section and she was back at work within days!

I'm a bit like you OP and I tried to think of it this way - I knew I wanted to have a child, so it's better that I'm pregnant now as at least I'm getting it out of the way. Each day down is another you won't have to go through again. Whereas if I wasn't pregnant, it would all be ahead of me still. If that makes sense.

Oh and I was so scared of birth I had a c section. I can highly recommend it, it was hardly painful at all and the no driving thing is a myth - there is no law/rule about this. You have to use your own judgement and advice from doctor, same as after any medical procedure. I was driving again after a week, could have been sooner but I didn't need to go anywhere.

Not saying a cs is right for you of course, everyone is different and you may feel more comfortable with a vb.

I’d really recommend that you try hypnobirthing, I did the positive birthing company online course and it was brilliant. I’m a total control freak, the reality is that you can’t fully control the type of birth that you will have but you can inform yourself, understand your options and be fully involved in all decisions about your birth as it plays out. I think the most important thing is to learn how to stay calm, whether through positive thinking, meditation, breathing techniques, whatever works for you really; the more fearful you are when you go into labour the more adrenaline your body will produce and this will make your muscles tense making the contractions more intense. I’d also suggest reading lots of positive birthing stories and actively avoiding the negative ones, I think most people will say it’s really not that awful, it’s just the ones who have had a bad experience seem to want to talk about it more! I learned to shut people down when they started to tell me negative stories when I was pregnant. Birth can be a really positive, fulfilling experience if you want it to be. And if you are really worried about the pain just remember there is always the option to have an epidural, although you may well find you don’t need it; I had one as I was induced so the contractions were a bit more intense than natural labour, it worked really quickly and I was even able to have a nap for an hour while my body continued to contract and dilate!

Have you read 'Positive birth stories' website? Seriously reccomend it! Also the book 'How to have a baby' puts you feeling in much more control. I went from so scared I didnt want to get pregnant to looking forward to labour.
Also let dr know about anxiety and depression- they can give you more support.

Remember labour is actually completely natural!

I have never had any inclination to give birth vaginally, I knew it was absolutely not for me. Had an elective C, which was no walk in the park - but it was the right choice for me.

T

Hollywood tricks you into thinking pregnancy is this happy glowy time where you are essentially your self except the odd mood swing and a big belly. It's such a lie. Apart from the kicking (which really is wonderful) the whole experience is a bit crap really. Especially the perpetual worry about baby etc.

I did hypnobirthing as my cousin said she didn't have any pain. I thought she was exaggerating but gave it a go. I had a five hour labour, it felt like trying to push out a massive poo (sorry for crudeness) but wasnt painful. I just had gas and air. Im telling you this because painful labour isn't inevitable and honestly, as soon as the babys in your arms its yesterday's news. Good luck

Sorry, saying the whole experience was a bit crap isn't very helpful and a bit over simplistic. Most of the time it's fine, it's often tiring and can be a bit uncomfortable. But, id do the whole thing a 1000 times over to have my babies, they are so worth the pregnancy

My daughter lives with her mother, always has done. I have no parental responsibility over her. She has been through so much so young, bad up bringing, different men coming and going etc. She has recently told me everything and says she is in a bad place right now. She and his mother do not get on at all and cannot talk at all, she stays in his room at all times. I have a small three bed with my wife and three children, and have no room. But she is close with his new boyfriend and has friends in the area. I live 50 miles from her. SHe rings me alot saying her mother is kicking off with her but I have no idea what to do. You cannot reason with the mother, if I speak too her she will take it out on her. I'm worried about her mental health more than anything. She has no job and just left school, no money. Any ideas on how I can help her please. Thanks