How to handle big age gaps?

[Cantrip]

Looking for advice, and perhaps solidarity (realise I may get people telling me I’m crackers to be going down this road 🤣)

I’m 41, 5+3 pregnant with baby number 5. Older children are aged 9-15. This is very much planned, I’m excited (& terrified ...constantly googling miscarriage statistics 😬) but wondering about how and when to break it to the other kids.

When have any of you with older children told them? In the past they were each young enough that they didn’t have to know til I was showing. I worry about telling them too soon in case a) anything goes wrong & b) don’t want them to have the pressure of keeping the secret. BUT, as I’m nauseous and knackered, feel bad NOT telling them!!

Also interested to know how such a big age gap has worked for anyone else, once baby arrives.

Hey. I’m 39 (40 in October) and currently 12 weeks pregnant. I have 2 kids 17 & 14. So a big age gap. Very much planned and wished for and i’m very happy. I told them quite early on as I was pregnant previously and was constantly ill. I did miscarry unfortunately. As they were older they were very understanding and took over little jobs I couldn’t. I told them this time again as they would guess I was as was ill again. They were supportive but my son (who is autistic) was very matter of fact asking what would happen if miscarried again. I sat and explained everything.
My dad and stepmother think i’m doing the wrong thing having another baby but it’s our decision. Once had the 12 week scan will tell rest of family and friends.

Advice for you would be don’t google about miscarriage. I did check the statistics on miscarriage reassurer. It did help me. Best to take each day at a time and enjoy being pregnant xx

Hi, speaking from someone who has a huge age gap with their siblings I would just say tread carefully. I am one of 7, th,e youngest two being 21 and 23 years younger than me! So as I say HUGE age gap haha. Honnestly when my dad told me the first time that his misses was expecting I was shocked. I dont think I took the news that great, initially! I did however get over the shock and I was so excited to have another sibling. The second time he told me his misses was expecting I honnestly wasnt too shocked and was just happy for them! Saying all that tho I was 21 when my step mum got pregnant so I think because I was so much older it was a huge shock, because i never expected my dad to have more kids!
I honnestly think it depends on the child in question, what are they like? Are they the type of child who will react badly or are they the kind of child who will be shocked and get over it? I think they way you tell them and when depends on how you think they will react!

I’m 38 and 24 weeks pregnant. My two sons are 9 and 13 I told them early on because of the sickness, around 6 weeks I think. I just said that it was early days and if possible could we keep it a secret until the scan, they were both pretty good didn’t tell anyone. My little one still hasn’t told anyone he wants his friends at school to be surprised when I turn up with a baby!! The older one was horrified because he’s covered baby making at school and realised you don’t get a tablet from the dr! My step son who is 13 was indifferent but he’s like that with everything just goes with it!! There are risk because we are older but try not to google or think about it. Easier said than I know especially at 2am when you can’t sleep!
Good luck x

My teenagers guessed every time. Hugging the toilet kinda gave it away. In my head I wanted to wait until the 12 week scan but they were too clever 🙈

My current youngest is 8, then dc2 11 and dc1 12! Now 36weeks with very much wanted dc4 (due to our ages we gave it until the end of last year to get pregnant and low and behold that’s what happened!)
I have pregnancy brain but from what I can remember we told them just before the 12 week scan - had to explain a lot to my 8 yo because he couldn’t quite grasp there being anything in my tummy and he even made me doubt myself 🤣 so I was anxious at the scan lol! Eldest - not bothered, middle - super excited (tbf it was all she asked for for Xmas, but I had wanted to wait to tell them until I was a bit more certain things were ok!) and youngest is quite happy about it!

Glad you've posted this - am following. Am 39 and currently 11 weeks. Our children (first baby with new partner, very much planned) are 6-13. We're about a week away from telling them and I have no idea how!

@1990carey - I think you’re right about it depending on the individual children. I THINK my 15 & 9 year olds will be thrilled, my 13 year old will be pretty unfazed and uninterested, but that my 11 year old will struggle (has additional needs so, takes up a lot of my time). A large part of me just wants to tell them - it’s their potential sibling after all, and even if something goes wrong, perhaps they deserve to be aware of it all. But then, I don’t want the whole world to know, and I think it’s unrealistic to expect all 4 of them to manage to keep it secret!!

To be honest, it’ll actually be harder telling everyone else we know - as DH and I have been together 23 years, and had 4 kids in 5 years, I don’t think anyone will be expecting a late addition!!