Best time to do it?

[GenerationRent]

I never thought I wanted to have biological children- I trained as a midwife, and, well, the more you know right? however, since considering what my fiancé and I want, I've got broody, and I want one child with him, but since it's such a physical ordeal I wondered when would be best to do it. Since I want to go onto post-grad education to become a clinical psychologist, I think the earliest we would be able to start trying is when I'm 29 or 30. I come from a young family, so I've only really seen close family members become parents in their early twenties, so what's it realistically like becoming a parent at 30 as opposed to mid twenties? Especially as a woman- I know it's more common to wait to become parents and so the stigma isn't there, but I guess I'm just worried that it'll be more difficult physically, you know? So I guess my question is, am I just being overly worried at the prospect of later motherhood?

29 or 30 is good. What exactly put you off? A lot of people I know have had amazing births but they had to put a lot of work into it and did positive birth classes etc (and def avoid things like sweeps!) You have to know what works for you and hopefully as an ex midwife it would give you a different perspective?

The older you get the more tired you get. Apply for the doctorate and then see - I've heard it's very hard to do it when on the doctorate so before or after really. What would you regret more?

I was 29 having DS, not sure if it was physically easier or not but was an easy pregnancy and a 14 hour, quite straightforward labour. I saw a consultant recently and when discussing a potential second and my age (I'm 32 now) mentioned I was concerned about being 'older' she laughed and said I'd not be considered an older mother until after 40 these days.

Around 30 in a stable relationship is perfect but there's no right time, it's personal preference, just don't leave it too late!

Leleophants I think what put me off was seeing how easy it is to have the birthing experience taken over by doctors if the pregnancy is not the most low risk. Say for example, my mum had pre-eclampsia so that makes me more likely to get it with a first time pregnancy (double whammy as that risk is higher for that with a first pregnancy). For me I definitely want to do the doctorate first as I want some continuity with my master's and doctorate, I just had awful visions of being induced and overly monitored and being so much more tired afterwards. Does that make sense?

Yeah, I figured that since my partner is so supportive, and as he really wants to be a dad I know he'll be a fully involved parent, when we do decide to start it'll be ok as I've got him to support me. Plus my dad reeeeally wants to be a grandad so there's a willing volunteer for help :D
I do know that I'd be so on board for hypnobirthing and meditation and keeping healthy to try and make it more positive, but I just have that "what if" in my head you know?

@GenerationRent very understandable! It must be so scary when you've seen all that. I suppose you could have one and then at least you've tried! I sometimes wonder if it's worse looking on as you don't then get the babies so maybe it would be different for you now?

@Leleophants exactly, it's like when firefighters get crazy suspicious of candles or police officers of street safety- you see the worst that can happen and it can freak you out. But on the other hand I can just imagine the crazy, bubbly, chatty offspring that me and my partner's DNA would make and it makes me smile thinking of the parenting aspect. It's just the scary preamble that makes my eyes widen and cross my legs 😂

I'm 30 now and pregnant with my first baby. I couldn't have imagined doing it at another time and this feels really right for us!
I'm in a much better place mentally, psychically and financially than I was several years ago, so I wouldn't worry about age.
Whatever will be, will be!

*physically, not psychically stupid autocorrect

@HollyT89 yeah, that's exactly how I was feeling- 29/30 was the first age that I think we'd be financially stable enough to support a kid, and whilst I'm not the type to go with the idea of life stops with children (I suppose given young mothers being more common in my family), it gives us a bit more freedom for a few more years yet.
I guess I just had a bit of an irrational worry surrounding starting it at 30- because women in my life I could ask for advice about it in my life like my mum, nan, friends etc, all had kids ages 18-23 so the frame of reference is a bit different.
Thanks for the reassurance :)

I had DD at 29 and DS at 31 (DH was 37 and 39) and I think it was the perfect age - old enough that we owned our own home, were financially stable and didn’t feel like we were missing out on the typical 20s things like holidays, going out, etc. as we’d already done it, but also young enough that the physical toll of pregnancy and late nights wasn’t too bad. I’m sure many people cope with that and are much older btw, but I’m expecting DC3 now at 33 and couldn’t imagine doing this in another 10-15 years!