Have two already and just found out I'm pregnant

[Mummyinneed]

Hi I really need help, I feel quite desperate. I have two children already, aged 3 and 1. Just done a test and found out I'm pregnant again. Havent told the hubby yet but the issue is that we are financially stretched as it is with only me working and I dont know what to do. I feel really guilty for my 3yo who doesn't get too much time with me as it is and will be starting school in 2020 but not sure I could have a termination. With my 1yo, we had a high risk of pataus syndrome so may have that again and I don't know what to do.... Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Hi op, do you know how far you are? Also how old are you?

A high risk result of Patau Syndrome shouldn't indicate any greater risk of Patau in subsequent pregnancies, esp as I'm assuming it was ultimately negative.

Is your DH not working because he's a SAHP? Is there any scope for him working around you even short term? If you went ahead with the pregnancy, would he work whilst you were on mat leave?

Ultimately there's no right or wrong answer, only the one you can live with the consequences of easiest. Talk to DH and work it out together

Good luck

Well, if you're stretched financially perhaps you qualify for assistance with childcare costs under Universal Credit so your h can go back to work and improve finances a bit? There's no extra state funding on welfare now for 3rd children.

Thanks guys. I'm about 7weeks in but scared to tell OH. he isn't working due to various things but is looking to work once we find somewhere to live so probs wouldn't work whilst I'm off. I just don't know what to do 😭

Did you have a contraceptive failure or were you (as a couple) having unprotected sex?

when we find somewhere to live

So are you homeless as well?

Why are you scared to tell him, is he violent? What are the various reasons he's not working? Why wouldn't he work whilst you were off? Are you saying that you also don't have anywhere to live?

No nothing like that. Just that he won't be happy about it, we are renting somewhere at the moment but looking to buy elsewhere so will work when we find somewhere but could be a year or so before he finds work if not longer

Why can't he work where you are currently? Especially if you you're likely to be there for at least another year? I don't get it...

I don't get it either. So you are working full time? Does he care for your dc?

Unpopular opinion coming up- scroll past to avoid: Have the termination OP. You’re not in the right circumstances to have another child.

Also: your husband can get a job before you move. Unless he is needed to be SAHP?

Yeah I work full time but we don't know how long it will be until we move, hopefully not long. Thanks for being honest joxer, I just don't know how I would feel with myself...

Just that he won't be happy about it
Well either it’s contraception failure in which case it’s not your fault and can be sorted at doctors.
Or you had unprotected sex and you should both grow up and can be sorted at the doctors.

Really DH needs to get a job. Why can't he? You don't say. Is he ill?

It's not what you'll want to hear, but OP, I was in a similar situation in April. We crunched numbers and worked out we could just barely afford this baby, so we would. I cancelled my BPAS appointment.

It's twins, and it has irrevocably changed our lives as a result. My DDs will not have the lives I wished for them. We will struggle month to month for years to come, and all because I couldn't go through with a termination.

Knowing what I do now, I'd have done it with a heavy heart, knowing it was best for my existing children.

spanneroo that’s so sad but your children will grow up in a loving home and have a good life.
I had a termination, I recently found out I’m infertile now and it breaks my heart at what could have been. My ds is disabled and all of my time/energy/finances go on him and it wouldn’t have been fair on anyone to have the baby but it still tears me up inside. I don’t think it’s ever an easy decision to make.

Thanks for being honest joxer, I just don't know how I would feel with myself...

Well you'd feel like you'd put your existing children first surely? Even though that had meant making a sad decision.

And again, why isn't your husband working? It sounds like your plans for moving are very vague so what's the issue with him getting a job where you are now?