Pregnant and have an 11 month old

[Louisa0715]

Not sure where is best to post so have posted in choices too but just looking for some advice or hand hold.
I have just found out I’m pregnant an hour ago. I was a couple of days over my period and I had stomach pains similar to what I had when first pregnant with DD2 so I was suspicious although we have been using precautions and my period has been a mess since DD so no real reason to think I was pregnant.
I thought I’d take a test to put my mind at rest instead of waiting for my period to turn up. Turns out I’m pregnant and the line is reasonably dark so I assume a few weeks on although I have no idea as I say we have been using protection so have no idea when I have fallen pregnant.

No idea why I’m writing here but I just felt the need the vent. I was taking some time off work till DD was a little older but have decided to return soon part time and now my boss with think this is the reason why so I am entitled to maternity leave. We have DD (9) DD (11 months) and now pregnant so I’m wondering how I’m going to cope. Has anyone done anything similar. TBH I think I had a touch of PND and I’ve been up and down although love my children very much, I have just been very emotional and down in myself at times. DH works away and can be away for 6 weeks at a time and home for 3/4 weeks so a lot of the time I’m home alone. I’m doubting if I can do this.

It’s not surprising that you’re feeling a bit wobbly, if you only found out an hour ago!
Give yourself time to think it all through.

My 3rd was only 8 months old when I fell pregnant with my 4th. It’s certainly doable, but obviously it has to be something you want. My husband worked away a lot at that point too ...which when I had 4 kids, with the eldest only 5, was exhausting!!

My dd was 4 months old when I fell of with dS .

Don't worry. It is hard but also they have a play mate, you don't get out of sorts with nappies etc and you have plenty of baby items around. Once you get a routine going it's easier than you expect. Luckily my son was late otherwise they'd have been born in the same month a year apart lol.

Try not to worry. X

I just feel like I don’t get any time with DD1 as always busy with DD2 just now and then will be going back to work and having to tell them I’m pregnant again. We have just moved house too and I will have to move DD1 school soon. I think it’s just a bit overwhelming as it wasn’t expected. I find it hard when DH is working as I’m on my own for 6 weeks at a time. You ladies sound like super women, im wondering how I’ll cope but thank you for replying and letting me know it is doable x

You really do find ways to deal. I found that I improved my time management over time. Routine is key and be strict with set time you try and spend with each. The older children are much more flexible and understanding than you think and will be helpful too. Just have faith you'll be ok x

I have a 3 and a half yr old with Autism.. and a 18month old and im currently 18 weeks pregnant.. i am also wondering how im going to cope but im sure we will, because we have to dont we💗

I has 3 under 3. Exactly 12 months between my youngest two. It was a huge shock. To be honest it took until the 20 week scan to get used to it and I don't think DH quite got his head around it until she was here and we brought her home!

It has been hard work but honestly I've managed and it hasn't been that bad. My husband isn't here Mon to Fri but he has been around at weekends but in a way it's made me just get on with it and have my own routines.

I had to take 2 mat leaves back to back - now that was a shit conversation to have with my boss! I was almost sick with nerves beforehand.

Give yourself time to process it and get used to the idea. Now dc3 is here we adore them and can't imagine life without them.

I’d say I’ve got more used to the idea but to be honest I’ve just went into overdrive organising going back to work and now it’s starting to feel a little overwhelming.

I’m worrying my boss is going to think I have changed my unpaid leave because of this (I haven’t, I was completely unaware until everything was set for me to go back to work) and how it will affect my maternity entitlement. I’m so scared to have this conversation.

DH tends to leave a lot of the childcare to me even when he’s home. I feel he’s so used to me doing it he doesn’t realise what he should be doing unless asked sometimes and I’m just wondering how I’m ever going to cope with another one. Also even being heavily pregnant, working and having two other children to attend to on my own when DH isn’t here! I know we do it because we need to but my mental health has just took a bash the past while and I’m scared I lose more of myself during this.

I know once baby is here I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m just scared of a lot of things right now.

I could've written this @Louisa0715. I have a 10 month old and am currently in my first trimester. I'm petrified. My DH tries his best to help but is at work most of the time and I am sole caregiver in that period with no family support whatsoever. I'm going to try and make it positive in my head though in the hope that it turns out that way! So, yep, I'm advocating going into denial of sorts!

Ps. I suffered from post-natal depression/anxiety massively with my first and my default reaction was to ignore it. This time, I'll be banging on every door available for help. I can not afford to go through that again. It almost tipped me over the edge.

@oyoyoy I feel I’m just going into denial myself. I don’t know how I’m even going to approach this with my boss but I know that is probably least of my worries but my anxiety is just making it feel 1000 times worse.

DH and I get no quality time together as it is as we don’t have anyone to help with childcare. I’ve struggled a bit due to the age gap between DD1 and DD2 (8 years). I had just started getting a bit of my social life back and feeling a bit more of myself when I had DD2 and as I have no other help I’m just there with the DC being “mum”. I just worried adding another to the mix will see me giving even more of me and more stress trying to cope physically and emotionally on my own for majority of the time.

@oyoyoy we will get there. Congratulations

I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry about work. My DH has a colleague who only ever comes into work to accrue maternity pay before she leaves to have the baby again and she's on baby number 7... I'd be tempted to have a chat with your boss before you return to work and share your news and say it happened so unexpectedly but you're still happy to come back and do as much as you can. Be open and honest and take it from there- I'm sure they've seen similar things happening many, many times before. Also, I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason- this was meant to be and it'll all (hopefully) work out well in the end.

My husband was completely lost re: his role vs mine when our baby was little and we regularly fell out when I felt he wasn't doing as much as he could've done to help. It took us 6 months to put into place a way of parenting that was fair to us both. Please have a word with your DH and share your worries and how much you need him to be on the same page as you. You've got this and congratulations to you too (I was so excited to find someone in a similar situation to me, I posted before I could congratulate you 🙈)!

And, I totally get the point about being just 'mum' but all things considered; the 110% dependency they have on you only lasts a relatively short space of time. That's what I'm trying to convince myself with anyway. I have found being a mum one of the hardest things I've done. I've got a chronic crier and non-sleeper who've I've posted on here about many, many times. I'm hoping the next one is easy as well as healthy. Hoping the same for you. Survival for the next couple of years is the name of the game.

@oyoyoy thank you! It is comforting to know there is other people going through the same thing and understand how you feel x