Am I depressed, or normal prenatal sad?

[devilishlygood]

I’m currently 24w with first baby. A planned pregnancy, we tried for several years before BFP and were about to start IVF.

Lost a twin in 1st tri. At the time I was super grateful to still have a baby on board, so maybe didn’t process that information particularly. I was also incredibly stifled by morning sickness until 17w.

My grandfather died two weeks ago. He was 90, and had been unwell for years (with ups and downs, always perking up...) so not unexpected.

My stepson (12) was initially very excited by the pregnancy, but in the last couple of weeks is refusing to come, is calling his grandparents and aunt (OHs sister) and telling awful lies about me, is obviously very angry but refusing to engage with his dad to work out a way forward. Which hurts mostly because I’ve generally had a great relationship (DH and I have been together 6yrs) with both of DHs kids (stepdaughter is 9). DHs Ex is routinely difficult and has been ramping up parental alienation since we told the kids about the pregnancy. But they were truly pleased, and DSD remains infatuated with her new baby brother/sister.

Work has been a challenging environment after I promoted at Christmas, and then got pregnant (I’m the senior and only female in s very male dominated environment) and I’m being discriminated against so considering a process...

DH works away mon-fri on a contract that concludes right before I start mat leave. Which means he can afford to take 6mths off after baby arrives and we can parent together. Which is our dream. But he’s only home at weekends (although he comes to every appt) and has his children every other weekend.

So. A lot going on. But I have just been so incredibly sad. I keep feeling that the drama with DHs ex is a constant cycle. And now she’s dragging DSS into it, and worry that I can’t protect myself and baby from it all. It’s causing distance between DH and me, while there is already physical distance. And I feel so lonely and sad. For two weeks solid I have cried after work. Anything can tip me off. My best friends are across country. One one end (going through divorce, which I’m also heartbroken about) and one the other end (just gave birth to first baby three weeks ago), so my network - which is robust - feels temporarily unavailable.

I just feel like maybe I made a mistake. Which makes me so sad. I am so bonded and in love with this baby. But I feel like I’m dooming him/her to a life of confusion and sadness already...and it feels like such a hugely irresponsible thing.

Is this sadness part of pregnancy? Is this a hormone surge and might it settle? Or should I see someone? Please help 😞

So sorry you’re going through this and that’s a heck of a lot on your plate. I’d go to your GP or speak to midwife if able to. I had prenatal depression many moons ago and telling my midwife was the best thing I did. And I got through it. Big hug from me x

Thank you for your reply. I’m seeing the midwife tomorrow and I can raise it. What sort of effect does it have, to speak to her if I have prenatal depression?

Thank you for the hug too. I feel pretty devoid of human contact at the moment ☹️

Sorry you feel this way OP

I think most of it is to do with your hormones that don’t exactly make us feel emotionally stable when pregnant anyway or able to handle life situations that otherwise we would see rationally. Just reminded yourself this is your hormones and everything will work out just fine :) Life things happen family upsets problems and issues nothing we can do to stop that we can only control how we handle it. Try to stay calm and stress free for you and baby and don’t focus on the worst possible outcomes.

Hi OP - my midwife gave me mental health support via a specialist unit who also supported me postnatally. I think just admitting how we feel sometimes is helpful. Hope all goes well and do DM if you need to share. I felt so lonely when I was pregnant for so many reasons, and now have a tall, strapping son who is my friend as much as anything. I’m here if you need me x

I'm not surprised you're feeling so low with all that going on and pregnant definitely will not help matters.
Speak to your midwife about how you're feeling. They'll be able to refer you to counselling or the perinatal midwife team.

Sending you a massive hug xxx

Hi. I really feel for you - that is a lot going on. I actually feel very similar to you, am I depressed, am I sad, am I hormonal! My midwife referred me to Talking Therapies, but just to warn you where I live there is a 3 month wait for support, so I have given up on that but it may be different where you are.