Interesting Decision to Make

[Scatterbrain85]

Hi,

My wife is 9 weeks pregnant come Monday and we have already told our parents and work, but we haven't told close friends or siblings. We are going away on Monday with friends to stay in a lodge (with a hot tub) and then to a festival. I think that our friends will notice her not drinking or going in the hot tub.

She is very anxious as hasn't had that many symptoms of pregnancy, although she is always tired and has to lie down a lot. She would rather wait until the 12 week scan, but it might be hard to hide.

Does anyone have experience of telling early? Should we lie and say she's not been feeling well / high blood pressure? Is it best to try and hide it and wait until 12 weeks? Should we tell just out of convenience ?

Thanks

If she had a miscarriage would she want their support or would she rather they didn’t know about it?

Congratulations! As the poster above said, that's the main question to ask yourselves. Who would you want to know if you had a miscarriage. I'm currently pregnant with my 2nd baby. First time we told one friend to get his advice since he was our closest friend who already had kids and we wanted to know what first steps to take etc. Then we didn't even tell parents and other friends until 15 weeks. Husband had to tell a not-so-close colleague of mine over the phone when I had some bleeding at 9 weeks and couldn't go into work (everything was fine in the end).
In hindsight it was a little isolating with no one knowing and feeling so shitty with morning sickness etc.
This time around we told my parents at 6 weeks because they visited us and my behaviour would have been strange and probably percieved as rude if they didn't know. Then my husband's parents at 8 weeks when we stayed with them at Christmas. One of my best friends asked me outright at 5 weeks so I told her too. I'm glad we told people earlier this time around.

We told family and close friends we see lots pretty early (4-6 weeks). They all knew it was early but if I had had a miscarriage, I would have wanted the people we told to know so I didn't see the point in not telling them. I felt a lot more calm and supported with them knowing especially as I felt crap for most of 1st trimester.

I’m telling select people much earlier this time, lying last time was a nightmare!

Last time, we told my parents & around 6 weeks & I told a couple of my very best friends as we ran a Rainbow group together & I was too ill to do it. But everyone else was 12 weeks & I hated it. Especially work. Trying to find an excuse which explained me being in & out the office for months while I battled sickness was .. they all guessed anyway! And I hated saying no to social events with my friends but not explaining why!

This time around, if I’m so ill again, I plan to send an email to my immediate team explaining its early days & not to put it on social media. I trust they won’t. And I’m telling my all best friends this time so I can explain why I might be absent for a while. I figure if the worst happens, I’ll want their support anyway.

I’d go for it but with your first, you don’t have the benefit of hindsight & how you ended up feeling. So if you wanted to wait, I’d just say she has something like an ear infection that’s making her feel dizzy & she doesn’t want to get hot in the hot tub or water in her ears.. plus would explain why she might need to sit down regularly!