Severe Anxiety or just a silly mum !!

[LJEmmott]

Hello
I’m hoping some of you lovely ladies could give me some advice or some reassurance, I had my first baby 8weeks ago and she has already outgrown her Moses basket and health visitor has advised that I start using the cot, from the day she was born all I have done is panic and cry at night because I’m terrified something awful is going to happen and that I will wake up and she won’t be breathing!!
It’s gotten to the point I have fallen asleep either holding her hand or with my hand on her chest just so I can feel her breathing !!
I haven’t been to bad lately but tonight is the first night she is in her cot and I can’t sleep and my anxiety is on overdrive :’( I’m currently crying as I write this !
I’ve done everything the HV as said no bumpers, teddy bears or loose blankets etc feet to bottom of cot and kept away from windows and radiator.

Any advice on how to calm down would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you anxious first time mummy

To be honest that does sound like more than a ‘normal’ level of anxiety. Maybe a trip to the GP is in order?

Oh you have my sympathies OP it's awful. I don't have much advice as nothing really helped me, even at 16 mo i watch my DD sleep for ages and positioned her cot so i can put my hand through it and feel her breathing.

Have you spoke to your HV about your anxiety? As long as you are doing everything right, you have little to worry about.

If you follow the safe 7 you could go-sleep? I’ve done it since the day she was born and she’s now 2 and hops in our bed at some point during the night!

I think that it would be a good idea to chat to your GP/HV.
Post natal anxiety is a real condition. Lying awake all night worrying is not good for you, so please do ask for help, it’s not silly.

I found I was happier once I put my dcs in my bed with me. I made Co sleeping safer by removing the duvet and wearing warm PJs and dh slept in another room.

Otherwise I just lay there awake listening to dc breath.

Have you tried a monitor with sensor pad OP? Perhaps it would help to know that if she did stop breathing/moving for a little bit you would be alerted?

I’ve spoken to my HV whose advised I speak to a doctor but I don’t want to go on medication I’d rather try some home remedies before I take that route !! My HV think it stems from when she was born she was taken straight to NICU after two hours of being born I was bad the first few weeks of having her home but then managed to settle but now I’m trying to let her sleep in the cot and my anxiety has started again

Sounds so stressful and horrible, I do think beyond normal mum anxiety. Talking to the doctor doesn’t mean medication, they can refer you to perinatal mental health for talking therapy. It’s definitely worth considering. Good luck x

This happened to me - my ds was taken to NICU unnecessarily. I hated him being taken away and (I didn’t recognise at the time), that I became massively anxious as a result.

You don’t have to have medication as a first resort. Maybe you need a debrief with your hospital.

I would try and put the cot right next to your bed etc. I honestly slept better with mine right by me! Then the anxiety fades.

I second the monitor with a breathing pad suggestion - I was also very anxious about SIDS and it gave me real peace of mind (I actually kept using it right up about 18 months, when DD moved from a cot to a toddler bed)

Hi, I'm not a mother yet, but I have anxiety. Way I see it there are two things you need here: reassurance baby is okay and help for yourself. These have to be separated in order for you to separate your anxiety from your baby.
You seem to have done most things for the first, although there are breathing apps and devices that can alarm and wake you if baby stops breathing to replace you needing to hold her.
As for you, get yourself into talking therapy as quickly as possible (yes, alas, this can take months). In the meantime, practice some mindfulness. If you can do it (I can't) spend some time listening to your breathing (say 10 min) every day, perhaps before you go to bed, and noticing your mood and thoughts and just letting them settle. Write down all your feelings and thoughts like a diary (and cry it out if you need to) - and read them back the next day and reflect. One helpful solution is to try to tire yourself physically before bed so you sleep more easily (but not mentally as you'll just get wound up) - an intense 10 minute workout from online, or a run or something might help.
However, it's really important to remember that anxiety is individual. Things that work for me or most people may not work for you, and if you've tried it twice and not liked it, bin it. Try something new. Don't create more pressure for yourself. Good luck!