My father just died and I'm pregnant

[BeachYogi]

My father died two weeks ago and I am heartbroken. I adored him. His death was sudden and unexpected. It has been very difficult. I am executor of his will and have had lots to sort out, dealing with coroners and funeral directors, banks etc. I am dealing with guilt about his death too.

The last couple of days I felt sick and lightheaded and last night I casually did pregnancy test, really not expecting it to be positive. But here it is. I'm pregnant.

My heart is still in a million pieces but perhaps the timing is quite beautiful? I don't know how to feel right now.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. Perhaps I'm way off the marks here and apologies if so, but yes, the circle of life is a beautiful thing.

You will be grieving for some time so allow yourself to feel whatever feels right, there are no rules to grief. I hope your pregnancy brings you joy after losing your dad x

@gotmychocolateimgood Thank you. The timing feels strange but maybe it's a good thing.

I worked out that I'm around 4 weeks pregnant. I imagine the grief (and nightly glass or two of wine) over the last two weeks may not have been the best thing for my pregnant body. I won't drink anymore wine now that I know though, obviously.

I'm not sure if I could deal with another loss now so I'm a bit scared to be excited.

If you're anything like me the next few weeks until your scan will drag... But congratulations, don't worry about drinking before finding out. Look after yourself as pregnancy hormones are bitches! If you're exhausted, sleep when you can. Take care

Oh OP I’m sorry for your loss. Any death is terrible but a death of a parent, especially when unexpected and sudden really is horrific. I’m going through similar. Sending you an unmumsnetty hug. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I’m a big believer in fate and this will be such a gift I’m sure.

My dad died a month ago and I have a 9 month old. I was exceptionally lucky that he met my daughter but it’s very hard seeing her grow and develop and not having him here. It’s not going to be easy OP but we are all here for you if you ever need some support.

Self care is now more important than ever. Put your feet up, rest and make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

@Leftielefterson Your message made me cry (in a good way). I'm so very sorry for your loss too. Thank you for the support and I'm here if you'd like to talk sometime.

Oh op I’m so sorry for your loss, you must still be in shock as it was unexpected, be kind to yourself and don’t worry about the wine.
Similar situation happened to me, found out I was pregnant 6weeks after my dad passed away. It was a surprise pregnancy and I truly believe it happened to show me the circle of life. My daughter is 9months now and it saddens me that my dad never met her but also know how proud my dad would of been, and yours would of been the same.
Sending hugs x

I'm so sorry op this has brung tears to my eyes can't imagine what your going through weirdly enough my aunt died unexpectedly of a brain aneurism no one knew she had she was mid 40s two weeks later I found out I was pregnant , the day of her funeral there was 4 magpies outside the church I don't know if you believe in that but I do and it was a boy I took it as a sign it'll be okay etc. I also had counselling throughout the pregnancy as I was very emotional and upset still but it was ok in the end. I hope you can get some support and good luck to you x

Hi OP - so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was a teenager and my niece was born around a year after he passed - her birth was like sunshine on a cloudy day. She cheered everyone up so much, but my mum especially! They still have a close relationship to this day. Congratulations on your pregnancy, it's difficult but try not to worry of stress too much - as others have said pregnancy hormones aren't very helpful! Lots of hugs xxxx

I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you at this most difficult time ❤️

I am 30 weeks and lost my dad at 21 weeks so still very raw that he won’t meet his grandson but it has been a great distraction for us all and something to stay positive about and look forward to especially for mum.

I am so sorry about your loss OP. Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy 💕

We tried for DC2 for a long time (nine year gap between DS1&2.) I found out I was pregnant not long after DF died. It was only when I was looking through my pregnancy notes months later that I saw the estimated conception date, the exact day Dad died. I took this as a sign that everything would be ok after a difficult pregnancy. DS2's birth was a source of joy for our whole family and is still a favourite of many.

I was 3 months pregnant when my Dad died, he was just 53 and it came as a big shock. If I'm being completely honest, I think I mentally blocked alot of grieving until my child was born. I'm sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss BeachYogi
My dd1 died when I was 7mths pregnant with dd2.
Dd2 was a surprise baby, I didn't find out till I was nearly 5mths pregnant. Dd1 was 23.
Dd2 has brought happiness into our lives at a very dark time.
Take Care .

I’m very sorry for your loss, OP.

I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel. I lost my dad 2 years ago and had a 1 year old at the time but he was diagnosed with terminal cancer whilst I was pregnant so the grieving process started then. I felt having a little life growing inside me gave me the strength to get through each day, it’s like you have a reason to be strong.

A few people I spoke to had mentioned how upsetting it must be to have all that going on whilst having a baby. When I was in labour my dad was in hospital and I just remember thinking I could be going through all of this and not have the joy of a baby to brighten up the darker days.

I hope your pregnancy goes well. It’s a lot to cope with at the one time so allow yourself to be be sad, angry and any other emotion you wish to feel.

Take care! X

This was me, almost exactly, 15 years ago. I felt it was like a gift in so many ways, and I know he would have been so incredibly proud of my oldest boy who I named after him.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sorry for your loss ... but I do believe your baby will bring you such joy. He would want that for you.

Sorry for your loss OP

This is all a part of your story, your dad has blessed you with a beautiful baby.

@BeachYogi - how are you feeling OP? Are you managing to get some rest? Hope you’re having a restful, peaceful evening x

I'm so sorry for your loss op. My dad was diagnosed with advanced terminal cancer when I was 6 months pregnant. It was totally out of the blue.

He died when my daughter was 7 weeks old. As awful as it was my daughter kept us going and was everyone's ray of sunshine during the difficult time. My mum particularly really benefited from having something else to focus on so hopefully your wonderful news will do the same.

Take care of yourself at this sad time. Xx

@Leftielefterson Thank you for checking in. I have been wanting to reply to everyone who has shown their support and shared their stories. I'm feeling extremely fatigued and nauseous and still dealing with the emotional and practical fallout of my Dad's death. I feel less clearheaded than when I originally posted, hoping this fog passes soon as I'm not functioning very well. X

I just wanted to say thank you for all the lovely and supportive replies. They brought tears to my eyes (in a good way). The last week or so has been a real struggle, as my father's funeral was on Friday. I am feeling lots of pregnancy symptoms too and the nausea has prevented me from being on here. But I did want to say thank you to everyone, it's so kind of you to take the time to share your experiences and send support my way. x

I am so sorry for your loss OP.

And congratulations on your pregnancy.

You have had so much happen in such a short time, your head must be spinning. You may find it helpful to write some stuff down, even if it's just a list of the feelings you have. Youd be astounded at how many feelings you have! That way you have some record to look back on in more calm, peaceful times.

Strength, peace and love in the times ahead BeachYogi.❤

@DioneTheDiabolist I'm following your advice and doing some journalling! Thank you so much for the support and advice! X

I had goosebumps reading your post OP First of all I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad and second of all congratulations! Everything happens for a reason and sometimes life gives us some hope and some light to hold on to in dark times.

I wanted to update this thread to say that my pregnancy is going well - I'm almost 30 weeks now and we're having a girl. Thank you for the lovely replies to my original post.

I miss my Dad a lot and still find it hard to process the synchronicity of his death and my daughter's conception. It looks like she was conceived the very day that he passed (I did not know he had died until days later). Life is strange.

@brightside11 I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and your post really moved me to tears. I am also 30 weeks pregnant now, having a boy. My mum passed nearly two years ago and the anniversary of it is very close to my due date. I find myself thinking about it a lot lately and can completely relate to everything you wrote. Just wanted to give you a virtual hug and let you know you aren't alone Xxx.